“Night Walks”
Started: 4-22-2008
Finished: 5-20-2008
It’s funny how everything started. I didn’t even had the slightest idea that I’d fall for someone like him. He was just so… not my type. Hindi ko rin sure kung kailan ko siya sinimulang magustuhan, at lalong hindi ko sure kung saan yung patutunguhan namin.
—-
“Bermillez, labanan mo yan. Natutulog ka na naman!” a sudden segue of our Biology teacher.
Hay,’eto na naman. Natutulog na naman tong si Lem. Kailan ba to hindi inantok sa klase? I don’t understand bakit inaantok siya tuwing Bio, eh magaling naman magturo ‘yung teacher namin. She’s not boring.
“Jaelyn, kindly answer the monohybrid and dihybrid crosses on the board.”
I immediately stood up and answered. Biology was my forte, and genetics was my favorite topic. Sisiw lang sakin ‘o.
“Mr. Bermillez, can you explain the crosses that Jaelyn made on the board.”
“Uhmm… si Jaelyn naman po ‘yung sumagot, might as well let her explain.”
“In short, Mr. Lem Bermillez, you don’t know how to answer it. I hope this would be the last time I’ll catch you sleeping in my class”
“Yes Miss.”
Same. Same. Same. Lagi naman niyang sinasabing hindi na siya matutulog sa klase pero natutulog pa rin siya. Ano ba naman yan.
*Riiing*
“I’ll see you, class, tomorrow. Don’t forget your assignment on Non-Mendelian genetics. Class dismissed.”
Last period of the day. Home Room na lang, uuwi na kami. I stood up to go to my locker. Apparently, nandun din si Lem. Lem Bermillez, certified heartthrob. He’s actually nice, occasionally nag-uusap kami pero we’re not close. We live in the same village, actually magkalapit lang yung street namin pero ewan, I just don’t hang out with him that much. Plus the fact na barkada niya yung “first love” ko na nag-end tragically, the more reason na hindi ako nakikipag-close sa kanya. Hmm, cute siya, mabait and definitely mysterious type.
“Kainis naman. Hindi ko talaga makuha yang genetics na yan eh.” Akala ko kung sinong kausap niya, I looked around and noticing na kami lang palang dalawa yung nasa lockers, I responded.
“Kasi naman Lem, natutulog ka kaya hindi mo makuha.”
“Siguro nga kasi natutulog ako.”
“Try mong makinig para hindi ka antukin. Biology isn’t that boring you know.”
“I’ll try. Nga pala, Jaelyn…”
“Yup?”
“Sabay na tayo umuwi mamaya?”
“Uhmm… may meeting ako ngayon eh. Baka gabihin ako.”
“Ah ganun ba. Di bale, okay lang. I’ll –
“Jaelyn Shen! We need you!”
“Tinatawag na ako, I better get going. Bye!”
—-
Around 7:30p.m na nung natapos yung meeting. I was walking home when something familiar…
I was walking home when something familiar caught my eyes. Something? Or I should probably say, someone familiar was standing outside and seems to be waiting for me. I squint my eyes to see who it was. There, si Lem yun. Napaisip ako. Contradicting statements flooded my mind.
Sinong hinihintay ni Lem? Probably some girl or barkada.
Teka, ako yung huling lumabas after ng meeting. Ako na lang yung student. Ako ba yung hinihintay niya?
Pwedeng ako pero… hindi eh. Sabi nila may nililgawan siya currently.
Whaat? Kung sinusundo niya ako tapos may nililigawan siya, so chick boy siya?
OMG! 2-timer si Lem? My gosh I didn’t…
“Jaelyn. Nandito ka pa pala?”
“Uhm… yeah obviously. Nabanggit ko kanina na gagabihin ako di ba? Gabi na ah, ikaw, bakit nandito ka pa?”
“Wala, napadaan lang, pauwi na kasi ako kakatapos lang naming mag-DOTA ng mga kaibigan ko.”
“DOTA?”
“Yup. DOTA, It’s a computer game.”
As expected, computer games. Mga lalaki talaga, whatever the age, they like these computer games. However, mas madalas students yung mahilig sa ganyan. At as expected din, hindi ko alam anong DOTA na naman to. Kawawa naman ako, walang alam sa makabagong teknolohiya at sa kasalukuyang henerasyon. These things sometimes make me feel dumb, you know?
“Jae, Sabay na tayo umuwi.”
“Sure.”
Walking distance lang from our school to our village. Sabay kaming naglakad ni Lem. Let me get things straight. I don’t like Lem. That’s it, and besides, may niligawan siya.
“Lagi ka bang ginagabi?”
“Di naman lagi pero madalas. Student Government meetings, it’s a must. Ayoko ng ginagabi ako eh but I can’t help it.”
“Sa bagay, Student Government officer, what do you expect. Pero babae ka, delikado pag gabi. Got any curfew?”
“Wala. Wala akong curfew pero ayoko ng ginagabi. I just don’t think girls should stay outside the house on late nights.”
“Wow, ang bait mo naman. No curfew and yet you don’t stay out at nights.”
“Go ahead. Make fun of me. Alam ko namang makaluma ako. I’m probably too conservative. I mean, girls today, kahit inuumaga na sa kung saan, ok lang, but me, I am someone you’d consider as “goody-goody.” Kaya fine, tawanan mo ako.”
Smile. Lem smiled. Ano yun? Bakit siya ngumiti? What the hell. I don’t even like his smile, parang may hidden agenda.
“Why are you smiling?”
“Wala naman. You’re conservative and I think that’s cute.”
“Cute? Ewan ko sa’yo.”
“Eto na.”
“Ha?”
“Eto yung bahay ninyo di ba?”
“Ah oo. Thanks for walking me home.”
“Wala yun. I enjoyed it.”
“Ingat pauwi.”
—-
I’m in my room and I can’t sleep. That’s odd. Usually dahil sa pagod mabilis akong nakakatulog.
Lem Bermillez. Did you purposely wait for me? Why did you walk me home? Is that a way para makipagkaibigan sakin o may iba pang meaning? I’m cute. What do you mean cute? Are you flirting with me?
“Aaahhhh!” I shouted with my pillow covering my face. Mamaya marinig pa ako nina Mama, lagot ako.
Moreover, alam kong iisa lang yung village natin, magkalapit yung street natin, pero hindi tayo close. Hindi ka pa nakakarating sa bahay namin…
“So paano mo nalaman yung exact location ng bahay namin?”
Time Check: 9:30 P.M
My goodness, hindi ako makatulog. Pati MP3, hindi ako mapatulog. Buti na lang walang pasok bukas. Sanay ako sa puyatan pero this night, I am dying to get some sleep, which I can’t get. Anu ba yan, tunog ng tunog tong CP na to. Oo nga pala, Friday, kaya maraming super text. Na-flood na ako ng mga GM.
—-
“Ma, labas lang po ako.”
“San ka pupunta anak?”
“Papaload lang po kina Kuya Edward.”
Walking. I was walking lost with my thoughts. I don’t even exactly know what I’m thinking. Basta ang daming pumapasok sa isip ko. Ai, nandito na pala ako kina Kuya Edward.
“Good evening Kuya.”
“Ui Jaelyn. Good evening din. Gabi na lumabas ka pa ng bahay.”
“Oo nga po eh. Pa-load naman po.”
“Mukhang inutusan ka na naman ng ate mo na magpa-load ah. Sa number ba ni Ate Faye mo?”
“Ai hindi po Kuya, sa number ko po, yung Globe. 25. Pang-unli lang ngayong gabi”
“Himala yan. Kailan ka pa natutong gamitin ang cellphone mong maganda? MP3 lang ginagamit mo sa cellphone mo di ba? haha…”
“Hindi po kasi ako makatulog, eh maraming nagtetext kaya magpapaload na lang ako. Text na lang muna”
“Ganun ba. O ayan, na-send ko na.”
“Salamat Kuya Edward.”
“Walang problema. Ikaw pa. Ingat ka pauwi ha. Ayan na sundo mo, hinihintay ka.”
“Hindi Kuya, ako lang uuwi mag-isa. Sino pong sundo yung sinasabi ninyo? Ikaw Kuya ha, niloloko mo ako”
“Ayan kaya sa may kanto. Yung kapareho mo ng T-shirt. Sige na, umuwi ka na.”
Paglingon ko, meron nga akong kapareho ng T-shirt. Naka-Team Building T-shirt din siya. It means ka-batch ko siya.
“Sino bang…”
Naputol. Yeah. Medyo na-tameme nga ako, because the guy who is wearing the same T-shirt as mine smiled. So ano naman kung nag-smile siya. No big deal naman. Not.
It was a big deal because I know exactly whose smile that belongs to, and that’s the person I least expected to see. Lem.
Si Lem talaga. Why twice this night? Ano ba to?
“Hi Jae!”
“O Bermillez, bakit nandito ka?”
“Ang sungit mo naman. Kinausap kaya kita just a few minutes ago.”
“Kinausap ka diyan. Mukha mo noh.”
Okay. Fine. Masungit nga ako. I’m too harsh and I admit that. Ni hindi ko nga rin sure bakit eh. Siguro dahil marami nga akong iniisip ngayon and wrong timing siya.
“Galing ako kina Kuya Edward, nagpa-load din ako. Ikaw, papunta ka pa lang kanina. Nag-hi ako pero dinedma mo ako. Lalim ng iniisip mo eh.”
“Yup. Sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”
“Okay lang yun. Bad mood ka lang. Naistorbo siguro kita. Wrong timing.”
“Hindi uhm, okay lang. okay lang talaga. Ako yung hindi okay. Urgh, ang gulo ko.”
“Haha… You’re really cute you know?”
Before I knew it, naglalakad na naman kami pauwi. Hinahatid na naman niya ako. What was going on between the two of us? Maybe I’m overreacting. Eh ano naman ba? Hinahatid lang niya ako. He’s just trying to be polite so he’s sending a girl home. No more. No less. Yun nga lang ba?
Well at least I managed to continue talking to him without showing him that I was thinking lots of stuff in my mind.
“Thanks. For the second time this night.”
“Sure. No prob. Uhm, Pwede bang makuha yung number mo?”
“You know what Lem, I really appreciate that you walked me home but I don’t give my number easily. Go, shoo. goodnight.”
Tumawa lang siya. Weirdo. Simungitan na nga tumawa pa. Whatever kuya.
—-
Urgh. Ewan ko ba. What was he thinking to be saying that to me? Andiyan na naman yung you’re cute line niya at ngayon hinihingi pa niya yung number ko.
*28 messages received*
Ano ba yan. Ang tindi magtext. Parang 15 minutes ago kakacheck ko lang ng inbox ko tapos ngayon 28 messages na. Kumusta naman ang mga addict sa text?
{now playing: tigerlily – matchbook romance}
quite unxpected ryt? E2 nakki-gm lng dn xe d aq mak2log.
In fairness an tiyaga nu mgtxt ah. Nalunod na ako. ahaha
Aun. Txt txt na lang.
-::-jae shen-::-
–gm–
Ganun na nga. Nakitext mania na lang ako. Maraming nagreply pero hindi ko sila nireplyan. Fine. Fine. Para akong baliw. Nag-GM kasi naghahanap ng katext, maraming nagreply pero di ko na nireplyan. Parang durog lang eh. Marami akong alam na numbers ng students sa school kasi I need all the contacts I’ll be needing for different activities. Pero kung just for fun kaya ako magtetext, asa pa sila. Once in a blue moon lang yan. Bihira lang. Sobra. Ang abno ko talaga noh? Tsk tsk.
Kinuha ko yung libro ni Papa. “Cold Fire” by Dean Koontz. Yes, I’m a bookworm and this is my only way of coping with stress or making my self sleepy. Ang ganda na nga basa ko eh kaso biglang nagvibrate yung cellphone ko.
*1 message received*
Sender: –number not registered in your phone book–
-Maganda ba yung may-ari ng CP n 2?-
“Nakakaloko naman tong nagtext nito. Ano ba naman. Mas durog pa ata sakin to eh. Lakas ng trip. Bahala ka nga diyan, di naman kita kilala.”
*5 messages received*
Sender: –number not registered in your phone book–
-Di man lng ngreply. Either busy ka or u r ignoring my msg. di bale u r stil beautiful 4 me.-
Argh. Kainis to ah. Ito rin yung nagtext kanina. Ngayon limang messages, pare-pareho. No questions asked, durog nga to. Normally wala lang sakin kapag may nagtext ng ganito pero this one, there’s something. It’s particularly disturbing. Basta, I’m very intuitive when it comes to these stuffs and there is something fishy with this message.
REPLY
-Cnu po 2? Xncia n bka wrong send k. Ds is Jaelyn Shen’s number.-
I was trying so hard to be polite kahit na medyo naiirita ako. Whew. Cool lang Jae. I saved the number with the name “Nakakainis 2”
*1 message received*
Sender: Nakakainis 2
-Wow. Nagreply… No, d aq wrong send. D msg ws 4 u.-
“Waaaahhhhh!!!”
Sumigaw na naman ako sa may unan.
“Mamatay ka na!!!”
Sinuntok ko yung teddy bear ko tapos gumulong sa kama. Ganito talga ako. Hindi na to nakakapanibago. Kumatok si Mama sa pinto sabay sabi,
“Jae! Anong problema?”
“Ma, ah, wala po…”
“Anak ah. Napaparanoid ka na naman.”
“Ahehe, oo nga po eh. Sorry po.”
Hay… Sanay na yung pamilya ko sakin. I mean sa school, I may appear cool and sassy but believe me, grabe, ang paranoid ko.
*1 message received*
Sender: Nakakainis 2
-Oi, pahinga ka na. Alam ko pagod ka sa meetings mo. MWF ang Student Government. TTH sa school paper. Geh na, u dserve some rest. Gudnyt Sleeping Beauty. -
Bakit alam nito yung schedule ko? Ang weird.
“Mamatay ka na talaga! Yaaahhh!”
*boogsh*
“Aww god, ako ata mamamatay dito eh.”
Nalaglag ako sa kama. Kakagulong sa kama, nalaglag. And this isn’t the first time. At sa pagkakalaglag ko, andun na lang ako. Nakatulala. Nakatulala sa ceiling.
“Sino ka ba at kailangan kong maparanoid?”
Saturday and Sunday had passed by swiftly pero di ko pa rin nakalimutan yung message. At last Monday came, Monday distracted me ang took my thoughts away from the weird texter, “Nakakainis 2.”
—-
Every Monday, Christian Living ang first period namin. I like our teacher kasi kahit na our topic is about religion and a lot of teens our age find God boring, she can make every student interested in her subject. Parang magic nga eh, with a snap, our class find God not only as “God” but also as a friend.
Pero while waiting for the teacher, I was doodling my to –do list for the day, at ayun na nga, dumating yung teacher namin. She was explaing our project when she stopped. Eh pano ba naman may nagsuper-enter ng class.
I checked my watched. Oopss… 10 minutes late. Kung ayos ang mood ni Miss, she’ll let this pass, pero kung mainit ang ulo niya, patay kang bata ka. Tingin ko naman kilala niyo na kung sinong late…
“Lem, Good morning!”
“Good morning Miss.”
Ai may gulay. Walking distance lang ang bahay natin tapos nalate ka pa. It’s not at all surprising. Ganyan talaga siya. Laging late.
“You know that I don’t tolerate tardiness, right?”
“Yes Miss.”
“I need you to report to the Dean’s office.”
Hay… Kawawa naman si Lem. Compared sa barkada niya, siya na yung pinakamabait. And in case I haven’t mentioned yet, bad boy group and barkada nito. Well, if you know them, mababait naman sila but they really got a bad reputation when it comes to violations and demerits. Siga kasi eh tapos marami pang mga ka-ek-ekan sa buhay. Marami silang navaviolate sa Code of Conduct ng School. Ayan tuloy.
Pero in fairness, si Lem, nagkakaviolation lang dahil sa tardiness, sa behavioral record, okay naman siya. Ni wala nga siyang record ng pakikipag-away eh. I guess that is why he kind of stands out from his barkada… and why girls love him so much.
After a few minutes, our teacher grouped us for a project. Our project is a documentary about poor people and their faith in God.
”Jaelyn, Cloud, Nikki, Aljay, group 3 kayo. Jaelyn, lead the group.”
“Yes Miss.”
Super ngiti si Cloud at Nikki sakin. Siyempre naman I’m with my bestfriends kaya ang saya namin. Pinasahan ako ng note ni Nikki.
“Ka-group natin si Aljay! Can you believe it? Ang swerte mo, girl!”
Aww. Yes. Ang swerte ko nga. Ahahahahayyyy… Si Aljay Lim, Filipino-Chinese. My super crush. I mean crush ko talaga. Ang talino niya kasi eh. Not only that, ang smooth niya maglaro ng Basketball. Parang walang effort pero swak lagi yung tira. Shoot. He’s got a great sense of humor too. Others say medyo green siya mag-joke minsan. Oo nga siguro pero when it comes to me, he never gives green jokes.
We were planning already when our teacher suddenly interrupted.
“Jaelyn, kindly take care of Lem. I’ll assign him in your group.”
Whaaaatt??!!
“Okay miss.”
Smile lang Jae. Cool it. Nakangiti ako pero I wanted to shout. Ewan ko kung bakit pero feeling ko something wouldn’t be alright kung nandito siya sa grupo namin. A few mintues of chatting then pumunta ako kay Aljay.
“Can I get you number?”
“Interested in me? Haha…”
Wah, loko kang Aljay ka ah. Presko, pasalamat ka crush kita.
“I’m probably interested in you or probably kailangan ko lang talaga ng number mo para sa project.”
“Ouch. That’s harsh.”
OMG. Nakakatunaw yung smile niya.
“Just give me your digits. Mahirap gumawa ng project ng walang communication.”
“You’re going to have to please me for that.”
“Well I guess I would just be using my contacts.”
Well that wasn’t so bad for a conversation. Pero parang iba, Parang ang hangin niya. Lumayo na ako then pumunta kay Cloud.
“Cloud, Aljay wouldn’t give me his number.”
“Don’t worry Jae, I have his number. Bigay ko na lang sayo.”
“Thanks girl”
A few moments after, pumasok na si Lem ng room from the Dean’s office.
“Hi Lem. Uhmm, ka-group kita sa project so I guess we’d be working more. We have a month to work on this.”
“Ah okay.”
Whoah. That was cold. What’s gotten into him? Parang nung Friday lang, hinatid niya pa ako sa bahay tapos ngayon ni hindi man lang niya ako mabigyan ng ngiti.
“Are you okay?”
“Oo, Ok lang ako.”
He smiled. Pero this time, pilit lang yung ngiti niya. What happened? Why is he ice-cold?
What’s gotten into Lem? May nangyari ba sa Dean’s Office? Why am I worried about him?
Bigla akong pinasahan ng note ng seatmate ko. A note from Aljay. He gave his number. Then there was a note written below his number:
“Text me anytime. I’m here even when it’s not regarding the project. -Aljay”
Kung iba, kilig na kilig na siguro kapag binigyan ng note ng crush niya pero bakit parang wala lang sakin to?
After a while, si Cloud naman nagpasa ng note sakin.
“Girl, ano ba naman tong seatmate ko. He’s so quiet. Wala siyang imik. Then, kanina bigla niyang tinanong kung anong meron sa inyo ni Aljay. -Cloud”
Seatmate? I took a glance at Cloud’s seat, si Lem yung katabi niya. I didn’t know why but parang iba talaga yung aura niya ngayon. Something must’ve happened.
“Jaelyn!”
“Ah. Yes?”
“Please focus. This is unusual but your thoughts are drifting away from this room.”
“I’m sorry Miss.”
Hay, kakaalala ko dahil wala si Lem sa sarili niya, hindi ko napansin na pati ako wala na rin sa sarili ko. This is so unexpected from me.
I managed to survive the day even with giving minimal attention. I’m relieved that our meeting was cancelled. Kung hindi, nakakahiya sa co-officers ko. With nothing to do, I went home.
After a few steps, nagsimulang umambon, at umulan na. Buti na lang may payong ako. I decided to walk. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit, pwede naman akong mag-trycicle pero mas pinili kong maglakad with my head down. Well, I like the rain. Somehow it made me relax a little with this unfocused day.
I sighed without knowing the reason. At nung tumingala ako, nakita ko siya. Mag-isa sa ulan. Walang payong. Pero parang sinadya niyang magpaulan.
“Lem, wala kang payong. Mag-trycicle ka na.”
“No need.”
“Magkakasakit ka.”
“Okay lang.”
“Okay lang? Ano ka ba? Here, take my umbrella.”
“Jae, Hindi ko kailangan. And pag binigay mo sakin yung payong mo, ikaw yung mababasa.”
“Malapit na lang yung street namin. I’m going to be fine. Bakit ka ba nagpapaulan?”
“Basta.”
“Well I don’t know your reason and I don’t know how long you’re going to stay out here. Take my umbrella.”
With those words, alam kong tatanggi siya kaya tumakbo na ako. Pagdating sa street namin, I looked back at him and smiled.
Unexpectedly, he smiled. Lem’s genuine smile. Hindi yung smile na may hidden agenda at hindi yung smile na pilit.
Basa ako paguwi ko sa bahay pero ayos lang sakin.
That night, before I sleep, tumunog yung cellphone ko.
*1 message received*
Sender: Nakakainis 2
-Salamat sa payong… and thanks for showing that you care.-
“Lem… Hay…”
“Nakakainis 2” is Lem…
Then, I changed his name from “Nakakainis 2” to “Raindrops”
Hindi ko sure bakit yun yung nilagay ko when I usually put the whole name in my phone book. Siguro kasi may hang-over pa ako sa nangyari kanina. I read his message again and smiled. Tapos, nagreply na ako.
REPLY
-No problem. I’ve always cared.-
Send.
I closed my eyes for a few minutes then checked my sent items.
Recipient: “Raindrops”
-No problem. I’ve always cared.-
Nakangiti pa ako eh tapos biglang nanlaki yung mata ko. Para akong biglang nagising sa mahimbing na tulog.
“Aaahhh!”
Ano tong sinend ko? What did I do? Wala ako sa sarili ko. Bakit ganon yung respond ko sa kanya? Hindi kaya…
Lumalabas ang totoong nararamdaman kapag wala sa sarili?
Retrieve! Retrieve! Retrieve! Waaah! Pano ko babawiin yung sinend ko?
Nakita kong dumaan yung ate ko, papunta sa room niya.
“Ate Faye!!!”
“What?!”
Nyak. Nabulabog ko ata siya. Eh bakit ba? Emergency to! Kulang na lang dumating yung ambulansya.
“Ate! Pano ko mababawi yung text na na-send ko?”
“Duh! May lagnat ka ba? Na-send mo na tapos makukuha mo ulit. Mag-isip ka nga.”
“Kailangan ko mabawi yung text ko! Help…”
“Hay. Alam mo kahit awayin mo yang cellphone mo o magdemand ka sa Globe, hindi mo mababawi yung text mo. The person whom you sent the message to is probably reading your text right now. Pero, pwede mo namang bawiin yung sinabi mo.”
Oo nga noh. Ang shonga-shonga ko talaga. I couldn’t retrieve my message, but I can take back what I said.
“Ahaha, I love sis! Thank you!”
Super takbo ako sa kwarto ko. Ang talino talaga ng ate ko. I texted Lem.
Send.
“Sana maniwala siyang wrong send lang yung text ko.”
—
Lem’s POV
*1 message received*
Sender: Jae Shen
-sori wrong send knina. uhmm, yah, xur, ok lng un. balik mo na lang ung payong pag my tym k.-
Hay. Akala ko pa naman yun na yun. Akala ko gusto mo na ako. Wrong send pala. Wrong send nga ba?
Nung unang hatid ko sayo last Friday, I really waited for you. Kunwari lang yung DOTA stuff na sinabi ko. Ang totoo ang tagal kitang hinintay at nawawalan na ako ng pagasa na lalabas ka pa nun. Sa isip ko, baka di ko napansin, lumabas ka na o di kaya iniwasan mo ako. Pero nung anino mo pa lang nakita ko, masaya na ako kasi may chance na na maihatid kita.
You’re exceptional. You’re not like the girls I know. I’ve never even been interested in anybody until I noticed you.
Nung naglalakad ka para magpaload at binati kita pero hindi mo ako pinansin dahil marami kang iniisip, sobrang nagaalala ako sayo nun. Sana umayos yung pakiramdam mo nung nakausap mo ako.
Pagkagaling ko sa Dean’s office kanina, nakita kong kinausap mo si Aljay. Alam kong wala akong karapatan pero hindi ko mapigilang magisip kung anong meron sa inyong dalawa. Tapos wala ka pa sa sarili mo kanina, naisip ko tuloy baka iniisip mo si Aljay. Nabad-trip ako nang sobra-sobra.
Kaya ako nagpaulan para matauhan ako. Para maisip ko na wala akong karapatang kuwestyunin kung anong meron sa inyo ni Aljay at lalong wala akong karapatang magselos. Pero nakita mo akong nagpapaulan. Habang nagsasalita ka, gusto kong maniwalang nag-aalala ka para sakin. Gusto kong maniwalang kahit kaunti, may gusto ka na rin sakin.
“Lemuel! Telepono!”
“Ma, please don’t call me by my first name. Alam mo naman pong ayoko ng “Lemuel” eh.”
“Well, I like your name so I’ll call you by that, okay?”
“Hay, ano pa nga po bang magagawa ko? Sino po palang nasa telepono?”
“Jae… Jae something.”
“Jaelyn?”
“Yes! Exactly hijo, Jaelyn!”
Si Jaelyn… tumawag? Bakit?
“Hello, si Lem na to.”
“Hey Lem.”
This voice. Is this really her? Is it really Jae? Parang it’s too good to be true.
Kalma lang Lem. Wag mong parinig na kinakabahan ka. Dapat hindi mahalata sa boses mo na nagulat ka.
“J… Jae?”
“Gotcha! Haha”
“No way! Cloud!”
“Haha… I really got you by that, right? Hay naku Lem!”
“Cloud, never do that to me. Ikaw talaga.”
Eto talagang si Cloud. Nayari pa ako. Although bestfriend siya ni Jaelyn and she could easily blurt out my secrets to her, tinago niya lang yun. Tinago niya lahat, lalo na yung pinakamahalagang sikreto ko, na gusto ko na si Jae. Siguro nakuha ko na rin yung tiwala niya. Ilang taon na rin kasi kaming magkaklase at madalas seatmates kami, just like this year.
“Okay fine, I’m sorry. I just called kasi pinakiusapan ako ni Jae.”
“Pinakiusapan? Bakit? Why not let her call me?”
“Ehem ehem. Why? Well, that’s a secret. Friends tayo but my loyalty still remains with Jae. Anyway, it’s about our project in Christian living, the documentary.”
“Ah okay.”
“She asked kung pwede bang yung video cam ninyo yung gamitin.”
“Sure. Walang problema.”
“Dalhin mo sa Saturday, start na tayo. 8a.m. sa bahay nina Jae, planning muna then ready to action na.”
“Okay, I’ll be there. Yun lang ba?”
“And uhm… ano pa ba? Ah, oo nga pala, Jae said take care of yourself. Wag ka daw magkakasakit.”
“Are you playing with me again? Why would she say that?”
“Kung ayaw mo maniwala, di wag. Kasi naman noh kapag nagkasakit ka wala kaming video cam and mababawasan yung grade mo sa member’s participation. You know Jae hates it nang mataas yung grade niya tapos yung members niya mababa.”
“Ah, yun lang pala yun.”
“You were expecting more, weren’t you? Haha… couldn’t blame you. Sige, bye.”
“Thanks Cloud. Bye.”
Sa Saturday, ano kayang mangyayari?
*Alarm ring 5:00a.m*
“Aww, ang aga… 5a.m”
Teka, ano nga bang sabi ni Cloud? What time? Tsk tsk, hindi ko matandaan. 7a.m. ata sabi niya. 2 hours to prepare. Kaya ko to.
By 6:20 I’m ready to go to Jaelyn’s House. Buti na lang maaaga ako, kundi lagot ako kapag na-late.
—
Jaelyn’s POV
*Alarm ring 6:00a.m*
Need to prepare. Call time, 8:00a.m. Dapat before 7:30 tapos na ako.
“G’ Morning Ate Faye.”
“Hey, good morning. Wala si Mama, umuwi muna ng probinsiya and si Papa still on his business trip. May lakad ako ngayon so the house is yours. I’ll be back around 7p.m. Nagsaing na ako and binabad ko na yung chicken para matunaw yung yelo. May instructions sa may ref kung pano mo lulutuin, okay?”
Hay, si sister talaga. Medyo tamad lang yan and masungit pero maalalahanin naman. Sa mga ganitong pagkakataon lumalabas yung pagiging ate niya.
“Got it. Sige na, baka ma-late ka, liligo na ako.”
“Sure. I’ll just get some of my stuff then I’ll go ahead.”
Ako lang mag-isa dito sa bahay. Sana mamanage ko yung mga classmates ko.
Mga 5 minutes na ako sa banyo when my sister called out,
“Jae alis na ako. Mag-breakfast ka pagkaligo mo.”
She paused for a while then called out again.
“Oi babae! Bilisan mo na, may isa ka nang kaklase dito. Nandito na si…”
What? Sino daw? Hindi ko narinig dahil sa shower. Ang aga naman. Sino naman yung nandiyan na? Ah, baka sa Cloud. Lagi namang maaga yun eh. Comfortable na rin siya dito sa bahay, suki ata yan. Haha…
I spent 10 more minutes maligo. Minadali ko yan kasi nakakahiya kay Cloud. After I took a bath, nagsuot lang ako ng bathrobe tapos bumaba na just to say hi to Cloud bago ako magbihis. No biggie, ilang beses na niya akong nakitang nakabathrobe lang. Sabi ko nga, suki na siya dito sa bahay eh.
When, I went down super madali pa ako.
“Cloud! Sorry matagal ako, nali—“
Lumingon yung kaklase ko na nasa sala.
“Oh my Gosh…”
Why? Oh God… Kill me!
God? Tulog ka po ba? I said kill me na po. Wala na po akong natitirang kahihiyan.
Pagkalingon ng kaklase ko, sabay sa panlalaki ng mata niya, nanlaki din yung mata ko. Tapos tumalikod na siya ulit.
“Uhmm, pinapasok na kasi ako ng ate mo kanina. Sorry. Hindi ko naman alam na bababa ka nang naka—“
“Magbibihis lang ako, mamaya na natin to pag-usapan.”
Umakyat ako sa kwarto ko and I swear my face was all red nung pag-akyat ko, yet I swear as well that his face was all red when he saw me. Huhu… bakit sa lahat ng tao lalaki pa ang nakakita sakin. At sa lahat ng pwedeng makakita si Lem pa. Teka, naka-bath robe naman ako ah. Wala naman siyang nakita for sure. At least may cover naman. Wala nga ba siyang nakita? Argh!!!
“Lord! Kill me na nga eh! Wala na akong kahihiyan!”
Lem called up, “Jae? Okay ka lang?”
Naku… narinig ata ni Lem. Napalakas pa yung sigaw ko. Pahiya na naman. Una nakita akong nakabath-robe. Strike1. Tapos eto pa narinig akong sumigaw, strike 2. Wag na sana mag-strike 3.
“Ah? Ha? Ah, oo, okay lang.”
Lord… wala na talaga akong kahihiyan.
Mabilis akong nagbihis pero pagbaba ko, kahit na napahiya ako, I knew I needed to regain my poise. Kaya eto super kalma. And mukhang effective naman. I went directly to the kitchen. I was preparing my food when I remembered, may kasama nga pala ako. I need to prepare breakfast for two. Nakakahiya naman kung ako lang kakain.
Pagpunta ko nga dining table, nagulat ata si Lem kasi pangdalawang tao yung pineprepare ko. It’s very obvious that he wasn’t expecting it.
“Lem, what would you like to drink?”
“Coffee”
“Okay, one coffee for you. I’ll be back.”
“No Jae, let me do it. I don’t like being treated as a guest and I can do it naman eh.”
Without hesitation and any further arguments, I agreed. Sabay kaming pumunta sa kitchen and I pointed him the coffee maker. Ang bango ng kape pero nahihilo ako. It’s normal, I don’t drink coffee kaya ganun yung feeling ko.
“Jae, ikaw anung iinumin mo?”
“Milk.”
Nagtaka na naman siguro siya pero he didn’t say anything. Nakita ko na lang, nagsalin siya ng fresh milk sa mug ko. May label kasi yung famiy mug namin. May naka-print na names so that’s probably why he was able to know where to pour my milk.
We sat on the table tapos kwentuhan ng kaunti. Then he asked,
“Why milk? Why not coffee?”
I knew he’d eventually ask. Aside from my family and close friends, wala nang ibang may alam na kahit na nasa late teens na ako, I still prefer milk.
“Well, I like milk. It’s healthier. Simula bata mahilig na ako sa gatas and caffeine gives me migraine kaya I don’t drink coffee.”
“Kaya pala kulay gatas ka na. Haha…”
I laughed and we talked more and more over our breakfast. I didn’t know Lem was a good conversationist. He’s easy to talk with. Nakalimutan na nga namin yung bathrobe incident and yung napalakas kong sigaw na narinig niya. I guess I wouldn’t have a strike 3 after all.
Mga 30 minutes na ata kami sa table and kahit tapos na kami kumain, nagkukuwentuhan pa rin kami. We didin’t notice that the doorbell was ringing already.
“Jae, pumasok na ako because the gate was open and nobody was answering the doorbell.”
Napatingin yung pumasok sa amin ni Lem.
Patay kang bata ka.
Strike 3 na ako.
Awoot. Ang pinakaaayawan kong Strike 3. It’s right in front of me… or should I say “us”, as in “Lem and me.” Ang strike 3 namin, si Nikki.
“Bestfriend Jae? Anong ibig sabihin nito? Date ba to?”
“Nikki, wala. Napaaga kasi yung punta ni Lem and we both haven’t eaten breakfast yet, kaya sabay na kami.”
I know she wasn’t satisfied with my answer but I’m glad prineno niya yung bibig niya. Nikki is kind and sweet but has the tendency to be nosy and tactless. Kaya nga hindi ko alam minsan kung magkukwento ba ako and magsasabi ba ako ng secrets ko sa kanya eh.
I asked Nikki to eat pero she refused and said kumain na siya. With that, niligpit ko na yung dishes and nakuntento siya sa pakikinig ng Secondhand Serenade sa sala.
“Jae, I”ll help.”
“No Lem, it’s okay.”
“Nakikain na nga ako di pa ako tutulong.”
“Okay, sige na nga, if you insist.”
Lem and I washed the dishes and tinuloy namin yung naudlot na kwentuhan. I learned a lot about him and how he loved his family. He is an only child and his father works abroad. I find it touching din na close siya sa mama niya na housewife, but I don’t think to the extent na mama’s boy na siya.
Maya-maya, si Cloud na yung dumating. And I saw that she was quite amused to see Lem and me in the kitchen.
“Hey Jae! Hi Lem! Makiki-soundtrip lang ako kay Cloud ah. I’ll leave you two there.”
She said those words with a chuckle. Alam kong may ibang iniisip yung lokang yun pero hindi na ako nag-react, baka kasi may marinig pa si Lem. Mamaya kami magtutos ng bruha.
Wala pa atang 5 minutes, nag-aaway na si Cloud and Nikki sa sala.
“Ano ba Cloud! Secondhand Serenade nga eh!”
“Kanina ka pa Nikz. Sabi mo after ng ‘vulnerable’ ako na. Ngayon tapos na ayaw mo pa rin. Underoath na tayo!”
“Ang ingay naman!”
“Naman… This is my music Reinventing your exit… Behh!”
Pasaway talaga tong dalawa. Di papaawat eh. Pero na-concern agad si Lem.
“Jae, di kaya dapat awatin na natin sila?”
“Ahaha… no need. Ganyan talaga sila. Magkakasundo rin sila.”
After I said that, nagkasundo nga sila… Matchbook Romance ang pinakinggan.
And after I said that as well, dumating na ang last guest. Si Aljay. At guess what? Yes. Naabutan niya kami sa kitchen. This is one big “ooppss” moment. Natahimik lahat and I knew I needed to break the silence.
“Hi Aljay. You could stay sa sala with Nikki and Cloud. Matatapos na kami ni Lem dito maghugas.”
Medyo kabado ako pero eto na naman ang magic ko, I was able to show poise and composure with saying that. However, unexpectedly Aljay didn’t respond with the way I did.
“You trust Lem? Para sayo naghuhugas lang kayo at tinutulungan ka lang niya but do you know what he could do? If I were you, stay out of him.”
“Huh? What do you mean? He’s nice and we’re not doing anything.”
“He is not what he appears to be.”
You could say that to yourself! Yun yung gusto kong sabihin but I didn’t. I don’t want na dagdagan ang init ng ulo dito.
“I don’t know where we’re going with this conversation. But mind you, I do not accept insults in my house.”
I was losing my patience and along with that I might lose my composure too. Pati si Cloud at Nikki nagulat and I know that they knew very well, I will have an ultimate outburst.
“Hey, hey, cool it Aljay. Wala silang ginagawa. At kung meron man, tingin mo ba papabayaan lang namin ni Nikki si Lem?”
Buti sumingit na si Cloud, kung hindi baka binasura ko na yang possessive na ewan sa harap ko. Pero humirit pa talaga siya.
“I’m just trying to think of you’re safety, Jae. Baka kung anong gawin sayo ni Lem.”
That’s it! I am going to kill Aljay! Why won’t he just shut up?! But before I could say anything, nauna na si Lem.
“Pasensiya na Aljay. I didn’t know you’re going to act this way samantalang wala kaming ginagawa at wala akong gagawin. Tingin ko hindi naman kailangan ni Jaelyn mag-explain at maging defensive because she wasn’t, isn’t and will never be yours.”
Lem spoke those words. Those words that I can barely comprehend that time.
Pasensiya na Aljay. I didn’t know you’re going to act this way samantalang wala kaming ginagawa at wala akong gagawin. Tingin ko hindi naman kailangan ni Jaelyn mag-explain at maging defensive because she wasn’t, isn’t and will never be yours.
What does he mean by those words? Those words that stirred us all. Was it really Lem who talked?
Nalilito pa rin ako. After what happened, minabuti muna naming magpalamig ng ulo. I was so shocked, so dumbfounded na natulala na lang ako. Buti na lang to the rescue sina Nikki at Cloud. They said na hindi kami makakagawa at makakapagplano sa project ng ganito kaya pinauwi muna nila lahat.
Cloud offered to stay but I said I would rather be alone. Now, two hours had passed and I still couldn’t build up my thoughts. A few minutes later, I found myself crying for unknown reason. My tears were just falling like it has a mind of its own.
“Jae? Nagtetext kami ni Cloud kanina pa and you weren’t replying. Oh my gosh Jae! Why are you crying?”
Just like that, my friends were here again. I felt relieved that Nikki and Cloud were here. Umiyak lang ako nang umiyak.
After I cried, I fixed myself.
“Nikz, Cloud, thank you.”
“Wala yun. That’s what BFFs are for. Nag-alala lang kami ni Nikki kasi naman wala ka sa sarili mo after what happened.”
Tumango lang si Nikki then she didn’t say anything. It was unusual for Nikki to be quiet and not be goofy pero I didn’t asked bakit tahimik siya. Si Cloud lang yung nakikipag-usap sakin.
“Bakit ka ba umiiyak?”
“Well… Uhmm… k- k- kasi…”
“Oh Gosh, naluluha ka na naman Jae. Wag mo na lang sabihin kung di mo kaya.”
“No. I just… I just didn’t expect na magkakaganito. I didn’t expect Aljay would be jealous. I wanted to know more about Lem but I don’t want anything like this to happen.”
Whoah. Where did that come from? Basta nasabi ko na lang yun at maski ako nagulat sa nasabi ko.
“Nobody wanted this. You don’t need to blame yourself. Gusto mo lang naman makilala si Lem kasi?”
“I wanted to know him because… because… I like him. B-but I don’t want Aljay to get hurt. Hindi ko naman alam na magkakaganun siya kasi—“
Hindi pa ako nakakatapos magsalita, nagulat kami ni Cloud kasi biglang nag-walk out si Nikki.
Why? Why did Nikz have to walk out?
“Go ahead Jae. It’s best that you’re the one to talk with her.”
“Okay sige, Cloud. Iwan muna kita.”
Tumakbo ako at nakita ko sa playground ng subdivision namin si Nikki. Nakaupo siya sa swing at nakayuko.
“Nikz? What’s wrong?”
“You’re asking me what’s wrong? You could answer that by yourself!”
Shocks. What did I do to make her this angry? Never kong nakita si Nikki nang nagalit.
“No, I can’t. Ano ba talaga? Please tell me so that I can understand.”
“Gusto ka ni Aljay! Why do you have to be so blind? All these time, he liked you but all you did was go with Lem. How could you be so mean?!”
“I didn’t do it inetentiona—“
“Quit excusing yourself! Alam mo ba gano kasakit sakin na gusto ko siya pero pinaubaya ko siya sayo dahil kaibigan kita at gusto ninyo ang isa’t-isa?! Tapos umiiyak ka kay Cloud as if you’re the victim when you’re actually the one who caused all the commotion!”
“Nikki, ganun ba ka-sama ang tingin mo sakin?”
“Dati hindi, pero ngayon oo!”
I wanted to talk to her more pero umalis na siya. Pareho kaming umiiyak habang nagsasagutan. Ang sakit sakin nun. Ang sakit makitang masaktan ang mga taong nakapaligid sakin… lalo na ang bestfriend ko. Nakakainis pa kasi ang dahilan kaya sila nasasaktan ay… ako.
Kung alam ko lang na magkakagulo sa bahay, sana hindi na lang ako nag-schedule ng meeting ngayon. Kung alam ko lang na gusto ni Nikki si Aljay at darating ang araw na mas makakalamang si Lem para sakin, hindi ko na sana nagustuhan si Aljay noon. Kung alam ko lang ganito yung madudulot ng pagmamahal, makakasira lang ng pagkakaibigan, magkakaaway-away, magkakasakitan, sana hindi na lang ako nagkagusto sa isang tao.
Eto, umiiyak na naman ako. Naiinis ako sa nangyari. Naiinis ako kay Cloud dahil alam kong aware siya sa nararamdaman naming lahat pero pinapabayaan niya lang kaya humantong sa ganito, kay Nikki dahil hindi niya ako pinapakinggan, kay Aljay dahil nagselos siya, kay Lem kasi nagustuhan ko pa siya… pero pinakanaiinis ako sa sarili ko.
Sa pag-iyak ko, sumabay din ang pag-iyak ng langit. Umulan na. Lalo akong umiyak.Nilabas ko na lahat.
Masarap dahil nalalabas ko ang sama ng loob ko pero sa isip ko, sana…
Sana may kasama man lang ako na kaya saking iparamdam na hindi ako nag-iisa.
Bakit kailangan magkaganito? Komplikado. This is the first time I felt so alone, both literally and not. Buti na lang umuulan, walang taong nasa labas. Walang makakakita sakin, walang makakarinig, at walang makakapansin. ‘Yun ang akala ko.
Nakayuko ako habang umiiyak sa swing. Bigla na lang may nagpayong sakin. Hindi ko alam kung sino yun kasi ayoko ialis sa pagkakayuko yung ulo ko, pero strangely, I let that person stay with me. Hinayaan ko lang na payungan niya ako, at least I wouldn’t feel like an outcast.
After a while, umaambon na lang. I decided to thank the person who sheltered me from the rain, still without looking at the person.
“Salamat sa pagpayong pero okay na ako. Pwede ka nang umalis.”
“Sinong nagsabing gusto kitang iwanan?”
I looked up and and saw Lem. At that moment, without even thinking, I was so impulsive that I immediately hugged him. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero sa pagkakayakap ko sa kanya pakiramdam ko nawala lahat ng sakit.
Sabi ng puso ko maalis ni Lem lahat ng sakit pero alam ko, sa isip ko, temporary lang to. Once I let go, that feeling of security will be gone as well.
“Jae, sorry. Kung hindi ko pinatulan si Aljay hindi magkakaganito lahat.”
Magkayakap pa rin kami and I can feel his hands stroking my back while I’m crying. I don’t know why I kept in that position. I didn’t even feel awkward doing that and honestly… Lem is the guy I’ve hugged the longest.
“No, no. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Please don’t cry… kasi habang umiiyak ka, nahihirapan ako.”
I wasn’t sure if I heard right. Nahihirapan siya dahil umiiyak ako? Ewan. I ignored it but I make it a point na tumahan.
Nung tumigil na ako sa kakaiyak, bumitaw na ako kay Lem.
“Okay ka na ba? You want me to take you home?”
“No thanks, I want to go somewhere first. As long as its not at home.
“Where would you like to go? I’ll accompany you.”
The truth is I don’t have any idea where I would like to go. I would just want to be away for a while. Nahalata siguro ni Lem yun so siya na yung nag-initiate.
“I know a good place, let me take you there.”
Naglakad kami papunta sa place na yun. I don’t have any idea kung saan kami pupunta. Unti –unting umaraw, at sa paglalakad namin, I can’t help but notice that I held his hand.
Kailan ko pa hinawakan yung kamay niya? I can’t remember, but I was glad it was like this.
Maya-maya, tumigil na kami. I saw a hotel-restaurant.
“Lem, bakit dito?”
Curious. Curious.
“I know it’s a hotel but I won’t do anything to you. I promise.”
His smile, reassured me of everything. Just like his hug, his smile told me that I would be untouchable and secured when I’m with him.
When we entered, nakangiti lahat ng staff kay Lem. It seems like they’re familiar with him but I didn’t ask this. At least not yet.
We took the elevator and pumunta sa pinakataas na floor. Tapos we went to a room. I was hesitant at first pero pumasok ako after he assured me again that I’ll be safe.
Pagpasok ko sa room na yun, it was simply elegant. The room was a blend of earth colors. There were frames hanging there, mga paintings with nature theme. I was scanning the whole room when Lem called,
“Jae, dito!”
When I went there, it was a sliding door to a veranda… in that veranda, It’s as if I can see the world. I can feel the wind blowing my hair. Nakakagaan ng pakiramdam
I was so happy that I hugged him again, and I whispered,
“I truly appreciate this. You have no idea how happy you’ve made me.”
I meant every word I said. I appreciate that he brought me to that room and I’m happy he did it. Siguro para sa iba mababaw lang yung ginawa niya, but it’s the most amazing thing a guy has ever done for me.
Sa room na yun, we talked about what happened with Nikki, Cloud and Aljay.
From that topic, kung saan-saan napunta yung usapan namin. Just like how I felt when we talked during breakfast, it was so easy and fun.
Naputol yung usapan namin when someone called. I let him take it.
“Hello? Yes. Yes it’s me. Room 208 po. Around 5:30. Yes. Okay. Thank you. Bye.”
I noticed, room 208 was the room we were in. After a while, may pumasok na hotel staff, nagdala ng pagkain tapos a bouquet of tulips.
“Lem, you don’t have to do this. It’s so expensive.”
“It doesn’t matter, as long as it’s for you.”
I melted with those words and I couldn’t help but smile. He gave me the bouquet. I wondered, most girls would rather have roses, how did he know I prefer tulips? And duh, eto yung kind of tulips na na-feature sa T.V eh. Yung Holand Tulips ba yon? Ayun na yun, eh ang mahal kaya ng tulips of that kind!
We ate the food prepared for us. Buti na lang tinuruan ako ni Mama ng formal table manners, if not, tigok ako dito.
It was a fine day. I temporarily forgot about the incident that morning. Pauwi, hinatid ako ni Lem, in a car.
“Wait lang. You didn’t have a car a while ago. Sasakay tayo dito pauwi?”
“Yes. Hop in.”
Naloka ako dun. San galing yung kotse? Eto, nagtanong na talaga ako.
“Kaninong kotse to?”
“Amin.”
“Amin meaning?”
“Sa family namin.”
“Pano napunta sa hotel-restaurant kanina?”
Lem laughed. Ano namang nakakatawa sa tanong ko? Baliw talaga to.
Pagdating ng subdivision namin, pinatigil ni Lem yung driver.
“Manong, thank you. Maglalakad na kami from here. Wag mo sabihin kay Mama ha!”
“Sige, Sir Lem. Basta ikaw!”
Sir Lem? Naman? Ano kaya yun? May Sir pa eh. Ganon ba siya ka-tanda para i-Sir?
Naglakad kami ni Lem pauwi.
“Lem, thanks for the day. You made me feel better.”
“I should be saying the same thing to you, Jae.”
6:00 p.m kami nakauwi. Ang bilis naman. Tapos na ang araw. Ang daming nangyari.
When I went home, nag-shower lang ako and fixed myself, then I cooked the chicken with my sister’s given recipe. Afterwards, I prepared the table.
Around 6:40 p.m, wala pa rin si ate. Oh well…
I took the bouquet of tulips and took a picture of myself with the flowers using my cellphone. I sent it to Lem, with my message.
Recipient: “Raindrops”
-IMG_008.JPG-
-Tnx 4 ds day. i enjoyd ur company.. and tnx 4 d flowers as well. d ko alam pnu m nlaman but I actually love tulips. jae-
A few moments later, dumating na si Ate Faye. Nice. At exactly 7:00 p.m she was home, just like what she said.
She put down her things and kumain na kami. Kinuwento ko lahat ng nangyari pati yung paghatid sakin ni Lem sa hotel.
“Jae, anong surname ni Lem?”
“Bermillez.”
“Ewan ko ba sa’yo. Ang hina mo talaga. Kawawa ka naman.”
“Ate Faye talaga… Bakit naman?”
“Bermillez. Bermillez. Bermillez. Isipin mong mabuti. Doesn’t it ring the bells yet?”
“OMG!”
“Hay… at last.”
“Bermillez! Sina Lem yung may-ari ng Hotel-restaurant na yun?!”
I am so dumb. Ilang beses na nabalita yung Hotel-Restaurant nila. No wonder dire-diretso lang siya sa room at pinabayaan siya ng receptionist. No wonder he was able to afford those Holand tulips. No wonder nag-Sir sa kanya yung driver. No wonder he didn’t care if he would be spending a lot on me!
My eyes widened with amazement. Alam ko lang may bahay sila malapit samin pero never pa akong nakapunta dun. Hai…
“Ang yaman pala nila!”
That night before I sleep, I tried calling Nikki but she was already asleep, so I called Cloud.
Just like what I thought, alam niya nga lahat.
Alam niyang may gusto si Lem sa akin at expected niyang magugustuhan ko si Lem. Alam niyang may gusto si Nikki kay Aljay at may gusto naman si Ajay sa akin.
With that knowledge, nainis ako sa kanya dahil kung sinabi niya agad, then this wouldn’t be happening. Wala sanang love square.
“Jae, alam ko yung nararamdaman ninyo sa isa’t-isa but even with that in my mind, I don’t think I have the right to interfere with any of your relationships. I’m just a mutual friend to all of you. I help each of you to be close with the person you like but I will never ever control what you want to do with your life.”
I knew na may point si Cloud kaya sa huli, hindi ko rin siya masisi.
Sunod kong tinawagan si Aljay. Nag-sorry siya sakin, which I accepted. Nagulat ako na kahit siya na mataas ang pride, nagpakumbaba.
“Sorry. Nabigla ako kanina. Hindi ako dapat nagwala o nagalit. Nag-usap na kami ni Lem. Okay na kami.”
Pero sa telephone conversation namin, hindi yun ang natandaan ko. What I remembered are the last two sentences he told me before he said goodnight and hung up.
“Lem deserves you more than I do so give him a chance. Gusto ka niya and sincere siya sayo, at alam kong ganon ka rin sa kanya.”
Okay na ako kay Lem, Cloud at Aljay. Kay Nikki na lang. Si Nikki na best friend ko, ni hindi ko man lang matawagan. After two days, tsaka ako nagdecided na tawagan siya.
“At the count of three I will dial her number,” I whispered, “One… Two… Thr—“
*Riiing*
“Hello?”
“Hello Jae? I’m so sorry. I couldn’t stand being mad at you. Alam mo namang best friend kita eh. Hindi dapat kita sinisi sa lahat ng nangyari.”
Nikki was talking very fast, indicating that she was nervous, at the same time she was crying.
In the end, we both admitted our faults and nagkabati.
The next day, officially nanligaw si Lem.
Mabilis ba? Ewan ko rin, maski ako naloka sa bilis. Nalaman ko na hindi bahay nina Lem yung tinutuluyan niya sa village namin, sa Lola pala niya yun. Pinakilala nga niya ako eh. Siyempre flattered naman ako.
It’s been 3 weeks since that incident. Natapos naman namin yung project, with flying colors. Masaya because despite of the experience we had, maganda ang kinalabasan ng project.
The day we were supposed to pass the project, absent si Lem. Pagpasa pa naman namin ng project, papanoorin ng klase bawat documentary tapos wala siya. Sayang naman.
However, that wasn’t what struck me. What struck me is that 2 days na siyang absent and wala akong narerecive na message from him. With the two days he was absent, malakas ang naging bulung-bulungan na may aalis na student to study abroad.
At ang hula nila, si Lem. Baka daw to prepare sa pagmamanage ng Hotel-Restaurant nila kaya lilipat ng ibang bansa para mag-aral.
Although walang official record and proof na siya nga yung aalis, I was worried. Wala namang ibang pwedeng umalis ng school aside from him eh.
My friends assured me that it wasn’t Lem… at na kung siya man yun, magsasabi siya sakin.
I wanted to satisfy my curiosity so badly at nagmamadali akong umuwi kaya hindi ko namalayan nalaglag na pala sa kung saan yung cellphone ko. Super takbo na kasi ako pauwi para lang matawagan sila sa bahay. Kasi naman di ba hindi ko sinave sa CP ko yung telephone number nila. I just discovered na nalaglag sa kung sang lupalop yung CP ko later on nung nakauwi ako, Pero di ko pinansin, what I needed most is tumawag sa bahay nila.
“Si Sir Lem po? Naku, nasa France po eh.”
Those words, those words… had crushed my world.
I called up my friends at pumunta agad sina Nikki at Cloud samin. Iyak ako nang iyak.Ni hindi man lang nagpaalam si Lem, aalis pala siya. Natakot ba siya na hindi ako makapaghintay? Nawalan ba siya ng tiwala sakin? Hindi ko naiintindihan. At alam kong kahit anong assurance na ibigay sakin ng mga tao sa palibot, hindi ko maiintindihan.
Paulit-ulit din akong umiiyak pero I decided na hindi pwedeng lagi akong ganito kaya after a week, I fixed myself and pretended na okay na ako kahit hindi.
I tried to focus kasi ayokong umikot ang mundo ko sa lalaking minahal ko pero sa bandang huli, iniwan lang din pala ako. During that time, Aljay was there to comfort me. He tried his best so that hindi ko maramdaman masyado ang sakit. Yet deep inside, we both knew na hindi niya kayang palitan si Lem sa puso ko. Alam ko rin kung gano kasakit para sa kanya na nasasaktan ako.
After 3 weeks, nagkagulo yung school. May dumating daw something. Ewan at wala akong balak makigulo.
Ayun, afer some time, I saw him. Bumalik si Lem. He saw me but I avoided him. I gave every possible reason to reject his offers na lumabas at mag-usap. Ayokong makita at makausap siya. Masakit masyado yung ginawa niya tapos ngayon bigla na lang siyang bumalik. Did he expect that I would go crawling at his feet?
One night, ginabi na ako dahil sa meeting.
I saw a familiar figure. This time, he doesn’t seem to be waiting for me. I knew that he was waiting for me.
Gaya ng nangyari nung una niya akong hinatid sa bahay namin.
This time although I told him na kaya ko pauwi, he didn’t leave me alone. He held my hand and I knew he wouldn’t let me go.
“I said I can go home by myself! Leave me alone, okay? Anumang mangyari sakin is none of your business.”
He simply hugged me and explained.
Pakulo lang pala ng barkada niya yung usap-usapan na may aalis ng school to study abroad. He was actually just staying there for less than a month for business matters. He tried to contact me pero nawala nga yung cellphone ko kasi nalaglag somewhere out there. I don’t have YM or FS kaya wala ring kwenta ang internet.
“Jae, you know I love you so much and can never leave you. I wish you would always believe in me.”
I felt my cheeks burning and tears welled from my eyes.
“I love you too Lem. I love you so much.”
Slowly, he kissed me. His lips, so soft, pressed against my cheek. With his kiss, I felt how much he loves me, and I knew he felt how much I loved him too. That was our first kiss. Walang fireworks. Hindi lovapalooza. However the thought that he was with me, kahit na walang special setting, special pa rin para sakin ang first kiss namin.
Siyempre, after that, nagkabati kami.
Lem continued courting me and after almost a year, sinagot ko siya. Palagi akong busy sa school so we seldom have time for each other. Occasionally lumalabas kami for dates. Minsan kami lang, minsan group dates.
Now our high school days are over, we’re both heading off to college and we’re still getting stronger everyday.
With the days that had passed, one custom had never changed, the times wherein he would send me home. These nights are what we call our “night walks.”
