It is now a vague memory of how it all started. We may have occasionally passed by each other in this small town but never really noticed. After two years, I’ve seen him again.

Jade was tired from the trip last night which lasted for almost 10 hours. She wasn’t expecting that as she goes back to their province to visit her dead grandmother, the close chapter of her life will be opened again. As she reads the letter repeatedly, she decided to open her dairy and read to the time when they met.

May 9, 2006. Our relatives in the mother’s side, being active in the church, had encouraged us to help out in the planning for the feeding program while we were still on vacation. Without hesitation, I agreed. It was Kylie, my younger sister, who was somehow dragged into this. However, I didn’t really care. This was a new experience and I know that after we’re through with this, she’ll appreciate me dragging her into this activity.

I was walking with Kylie when we passed by two boys. One was Von, a childhood friend whom I often play with when we were younger. He and Kylie didn’t go along well so most of the time she prefers to stay at home while I play with him. The other one is unfamiliar.

“Whoah. Serendipity? Seventeen is the lucky number, dude,” I heard Von say.

“Quit it, I don’t want her getting the wrong idea. Well, I think she’s hot,” the other guy replied.

We were walking at opposite directions and I looked back after we passed them. I saw the other guy looked back too.

“Not only does she have a nice legs, she also has a pretty face,” he said while still looking at me.

I raised my eye brow and decided not to look back anymore.

“Too bad she seems to be hot-headed. I would’ve loved to go out with her.”

What a brat! I would never go out with you. D*mn you.

That was the first time I met him. That night, being so pissed off, I asked my cousin, Azalea about him. Azalea was on the same year as I am in school but by age, she is younger.

“His name is Kevin. He moved here last year when his mom and dad separated. Because he neither wants to stay with his mother’s new family nor his workaholic father, he decided to move here with his grandparents. He’s actually really nice, funny and he plays mean guitar.”

“Nice? Azalea, are you kidding me? I mean he was such a brat. A pervert! What kind of guy says you’re hot and you got nice legs and pretty face and not to mention say that he would’ve love to go out with you only if you were not so hot-headed. Gosh. I am so enraged!”

“Yeah, I see that. However he could’ve meant that as a compliment. I mean we’re in the 21^st century, you don’t need to be so demure and conservative.”

Talk about being conservative. Aren’t we supposed to be like that? After all, our family is close to God and it’s not as if there’s something wrong with being conservative. As a matter of fact, Azalea is a reader in the church, two of our uncles are priests and one of our cousins is a nun. All of us were active in the church. See what I mean?

“Whatever, I don’t like him.”

“Wait a minute Jade, how do you even know it’s you whom they’re talking about?”

“Well, Von mentioned something about seventeen being the number of the day and serendipity whatsoever. I was wearing a blouse with the number seventeen and that pervert Kevin was wearing a jersey with the number seventeen too. Besides, Kylie and I were the only ones there that time. They couldn’t have been talking about anybody else.”

“Okay, first, you act so conservatively there but it was partly your fault because you wore a mini skirt. Second, just because you and Kylie were the only girls there, doesn’t mean Kevin and Von’s discussion about girls will be limited to you, too. Third, why does Kevin’s comment bother you so much when you came from the city? Surely, there, people are more liberated and they could’ve said you’re hot and it wouldn’t matter to you.”

Oh okay. Point taken. Well, why am I bothered? Yeah, why do I even care about what he has to say?

May 14, 2006. We went to the church for the Sunday mass. I was with my grandmother. My grandfather is a lay minister and then Azalea was the commentator for today so it was just the two of us. I was surprised when the priest entered. Kevin was a sacristan! Von was with him too.

Well, for Von, it wasn’t really surprising because I knew he was a sacristan. But that pervert! Unexpected and unacceptable!

After the mass, Lolo (grandfather) called me and introduced me to the youth members of the church.

“Okay, youth ministers, I want you to meet my granddaughter, Jade. She’s currently in her junior year in an all-girls school in Manila. She volunteered to join the feeding programs that we will be doing so I hope you can get along well with her.”

I smiled and the Lolo left us already. Everyone seem to be nice, the members introduced themselves one by one and Azalea answered some of the questions asked to me whenever she thinks I feel uncomfortable. I’m really thankful for that because although some of the youth were familiar to me, I prefer that they do not meddle with my life so much.

Everything was fine until I saw him coming in our direction until finally he stood in front of me. Brat.

“By the way Jade,” one of the members said, “he’s currently the head of the youth ministry, Kevin.”

“Hey, my name’s Kevin,” he smirked and extended his hand.

I wasn’t planning on taking it but since the members seem to be waiting, I shook his hand and said nothing more than my name. After we shook hands, I quickly removed my hands.

Somebody suddenly blurted out a question out of the blue.

“So Jade, how many boyfriends have you had?”

Did I just hear what I heard? Back off b*tch, I don’t discuss my private life in public… well at least that’s what my bad side was screaming, but my good side was pleading myself to control my temper and be nice. Which would’ve I chosen? Of course my good side!

“Honestly speaking none. Nobody reaches my standards,” I said confidently. Nice line Jade!

“Well I bet you’ll meet someone who would knock you off your feet soon,” Kevin suddenly said.

“And what is your basis for that conclusion?” I asked. Yes, I am a bit annoyed already.

“Chill. It’s nothing. It’s just a wild guess,” he responded sarcastically.

I opened my mouth to protest but Azalea, sensing my temper decided to cut it off.

“Well, so much for the introductions. Let’s call it a days and be back tomorrow for the meeting, okay? Jade and I will go ahead now. Ciao!”

Azalea and I walked out of the church and I wonder, how can my cousin pull it off like that?

Sheesh, at least I should be thankful. Or else I’d be so angry and explode like a volcano and there’d be nothing left in this province but ashes.

I mean it.

Fine, it’s an exaggeration.

But still, I am irritated.

May 15, 2006. Today was the meeting of the youth ministry. I brought Kylie with me and Azalea was there as well. We started fifteen minutes late. I was hoping it was because Kevin was not punctual so that I will have a reason to insult him. Being the head, if the leader is not there, meeting neither starts nor adjourns. Unfortunately, it was the priest who was late so, so much for my evil plan.

May 18, 2006. It was the start of the preparation, canvassing, marketing, and other stuffs. I was assigned to do the marketing with Von, Azalea, and another member named Henry. However, it was Kevin who joined us.

“Where’s Henry?” Azalea asked.

“He’s sick so I’ll take his place. Are we ready?” Kevin said. Whoah. He sounds so serious today.

“Well, we need to split into two. One will buy the ingredients for the food and the other will buy toys and loots for the kids,” Von explained.

“Azalea and I will go together. You two go with each other,” I suggested.

“No, girls are the ones who know the budget and have good buying skills. Moreover, you can’t carry all the things by yourselves. We’ll divide into boy-girl,” Kevin decided.

Okay, he has his point. I won’t talk.

“I’ll go with Azalea,” Von quickly added.

“Okay then, I’ll go with you, Jade,” the brat reacted.

This time I will talk. They decided on their own without me? Is this a joke?

“No complaints now, Jade. I know you don’t like me but bear with me.”

Why is Kevin so weird? What’s gotten into him?

Azalea gave me the budget and we were asked to buy the toys.

We rode an ordinary bus to go to the town’s square. I sat by the window and he, beside me, near the aisle. On the way to the “tiangge” (Yes, we’re going to a “tiangge” because there aren’t many malls in a province. The only place to go is the town’s square where stalls are fixed and thus called, “tiangge”) Kevin was quiet. I didn’t really like it. It gives me the creeps when he’s like that. I handed him the other earphone of my cell phone (it has an MP3 player) but he declined so I put it in my ears instead.

After a couple of minutes I sighed and kept my cell phone. I didn’t notice that I sighed so heavily that Kevin turned to me and then looked away again.

“Why are you so quiet? Do you have any problems?” I asked. This time it’s not for sarcasm or out of boredom. I really am sincere.

“Just because I’m quiet doesn’t mean I have a problem. You don’t have to pretend to be so nice. It’s just the two of us,” he replied. He said it so plainly that it hurts me. I admit that I have my bad side but he doesn’t need to be so bitter about it. It’s like saying that I only pretend to be nice in front of others but the truth is that I’m a freaking devil from hell. Gosh Kevin, you do know how to bring out my gruesome side!

“Just because I often show displeasure towards your existence doesn’t mean I am not sincere when I’m asking whatever is bothering you,” I snapped back. It suits you well, kiddo!

We continued on the trip silently, not regarding each other’s presence for around ten to fifteen minutes more. When we were about to reach our destination, it was Kevin who broke the silence.

He tapped my shoulder and said, “We’re almost there. Fix yourself.”

“Why am I the one who’s supposed to fix myself? Clearly, you’re the one who needs it,” I replied not looking at him.

Astonishingly he repeated it to himself!

“Okay Kevin, we’re almost there. Fix yourself or else Jade will claw you and eat you alive!” he whispered comically and only loud enough for both of us to hear. I laughed at him and then the bus pulled up.

To my surprise, he took my hand and rose up from his seat. “Let’s go, so many things to do, so little time.”

I gazed up at him and stood up as well. Nobody has ever done this to me? Will he be the one who will hold me forever?

Wait a minute. Where did that idea come from? As if popping a bubble balloon, I popped that thought from my mind. Vanish and relinquish, that’s what should happen.

“Hey Jade, we need to go. Why aren’t you moving?” Kevin said.

I was taken out of my thoughts when he spoke. I quickly came up with something witty to say, “There’s a fee for holding my hands you know? So if you don’t have enough money to pay me, better release my hand.” Whew, saved by a witty line. How would you respond to that?

He released my hand and dully reacted, “Whatever silly. Let’s go.”

We went down from the bus and we hurriedly went to stalls selling the toys and the loots. We were early so there were still just a few people.

I first decided to by candies and small goodies for the loot bags. I noticed Kevin slowly changing his mood from bad to good.

“You’re pretty good convincing the sellers to give you a low price for the stuffs you buy,” he complimented.

“Well, it takes someone charming to do that,” I joked to which he responded with a smile.

There were a lot of people buying after an hour or so. I was being left behind already because of the narrow spaces to walk in and the many people passing by. I guess this is the reason why Kevin took my hand again.

“Hey, I told you there’s a fee for holding my hand. Do you have money?”

“No matter how high the price, I’ll pay. I can’t afford to lose you.”

My eyes wanted to bulge out for disbelief. This brat is so sick, or else he wouldn’t act like this. It doesn’t matter I let him hold my hand anyway. I didn’t want to get lost either. However, I won’t deny, I am flattered.

It was almost noon when we finished buying everything we needed to buy. I was hungry already so I told Kevin I wanted to eat.

“There are no expensive restaurants here, miss. You might not like our food.”

“Don’t beat around the bush, mister. Being from the city doesn’t mean you become a picky.”

“Hoho, that was a mean rhyme, missy!” Kevin said laughing.

Argh. Will this be a battle of who will outwit who? Well, I don’t have time for that because for one, I am devastatingly starving. Fine, it’s another exaggeration. Whatever.

That’s when I saw a barbecue stand.

“Wee, outwit yourself there. I’m going to eat!” I told Kevin.

“Where will you eat?” he asked, completely puzzled.

“You don’t care. I’ll eat anywhere I please”

I walked towards the barbecue stand and bought barbecue and “isaw”. That’s when Kevin followed.

“It looks like our princess knows the life of the oppressed,” he teased.

“Excuse me if you’re hungry, it’s my treat. Besides, street food isn’t only for the oppressed, dummy,” I answered back swallowing the pork fat in the barbecue. I ate the food I bought not sensing that Kevin was gone.

Where did that guy go?

I shrugged it off and stayed where I was and a few minutes later, Kevin was back. He was holding two cups of “halo-halo.”

He gave me one and we ate it while walking. We waited for a bus and rode back home. By two o’clock, we were back and we decided to head to the church first so that we could drop everything we bought.

“I’ll take the toys to the storage room while you stay here in the cottage first and rest,” Kevin offered.

I agreed and sat down on the cottage. The cottage was a native Nipa hut near the storage room at the back of the church. I stretched my feet on the long seat attached to the wall of the cottage and lie down. Little by little, I find myself drifting to sleep and I let myself be. I was tired, after all.

I woke up with Azalea beside me. However, I was in a different room.

“You’ve been asleep for more than an hour. You’re probably tired. Kevin said he saw you asleep in the cottage after he came from the storage room so he brought you here in the room for the nuns.”

“That’s surprising. He wasn’t so nice while we were together a while ago.”

“Really. Well he was talking with Von a while ago and he seems to have enjoyed the day with you. Moreover, knowing your attitude, if you didn’t enjoy a person’s company, you’ll find an excuse to go home early.”

“It’s for the church so I prefer not to let my personal issues interfere with my service to God,” I lied. I said a big fat lie. I even used God as an excuse! Oh, I am so sorry Father.

“If you say so,” Azalea said, clearly unconvinced.

May 24, 2006. This will be the last day of the preparation for the feeding program two days from now. I am utterly excited for it. We’ve been preparing for the event and now it’s near.

“Jade, why don’t you go home already? Your mom will call anytime soon so you better get going,” Von reminded me.

He’s right. I mentioned earlier that I need to go before 7P.M. because my mom’s going to call tonight. It is quarter to seven and we were still packing some of the essentials for tomorrow.

“Azalea, will you go home with me?” I asked hopefully. Our house was just walking distance from the church but it’s dark already and the place isn’t well-illuminated so it’s a bit scary to go home by myself.

“I still need to take something to the socio-civic committee. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to do that.”

“I’ll walk you home, I’m almost done anyway,” someone suddenly volunteered.

When I turned around, it was Kevin who spoke. I agreed and we walked under the dark sky with only the light of the crescent-shaped moon to guide us in our path.

“How come you never talk about either your love life or your family?” Kevin questioned.

“Primarily because there’s nothing to share,” I countered quietly. These were subjects I don’t really want to be touched. It’s personal and it’s painful. “I never wanted to enter a relationship out of fear that what happened to my own family will happen to me as well. Nobody wants anything to shatter into pieces.”

I guess he sensed my uneasiness or maybe he didn’t understand what I said. Either way, I was thankful that he didn’t question any further.

When we reach home, I thanked him for walking me home and for told him I enjoyed his company.

“It’s nothing, Jade. And by the way, about what you said a while ago, I think nothing happens to a person twice if he wouldn’t let it happen. The bad news, there’s no glue for a broken heart.”

“Are there any good news?” I asked, surely I am amused.

“The good news? Well, let’s just say there might not be any glue but there is a person who would always mend another one’s broken heart,” he said smiling.

I bade him goodnight and he went off.

You never fail to surprise me, kiddo. I thought happily.

May 23, 2006. This was the day before the feeding program. Too bad I wouldn’t have the chance to spend more time with the youth ministry. Last night, my mom called me to say Kylie and I need to go home tomorrow. There had been trouble at home. It seems like she and dad had a fight again and this time, they may be separating for good. However, I didn’t open it to Azalea. The only ones who knew the issue were my grandmother and grandfather.

I went to the church like there was nothing going on. It was the final meeting of the youth ministry together with the other volunteers. That afternoon, after the meeting, the youth ministry had a gathering in Von’s house were they prepared Karaoke and finger foods. It was a small party.

“Hey Jade, let’s go. It will be fun!” Azalea said excitedly.

“No thanks. I’ll pass for now. I’m not really in the mood. I think I’ll call it a day.”

“How about you Kevin?” she asked.

“I’ll pass too. I have some errands to do at home. Let’s go home together, Jade.”

I simply nodded and we went ahead. At first we were teasing each other and I was quite enjoying it.

“Ha. Don’t try to outsmart me in teasing. Boys who try to do that ends up falling on love with me,” I joked.

“Really? Is that true?” he asked.

“Actually, yeah. But I wouldn’t expect you to be one of them,” I confessed.

“Well you better change that idea. Because I already think I am.”

“You are what? Is that a joke. Fine, I’ll laugh. Ha-ha-ha. Is that okay with you?” I said sarcastically.

“I mean it Jade. I know it’s too fast but I really would like to know you more and probably court you if you’ll allow me.”

I just laughed and told him, “you really are funny, you know?”

I pretended that I believed he was joking but I knew he wasn’t kidding. I guess this time, I’ve ran out of witty and sharp lines to throw to him.

May 25, 2006. I didn’t attend the feeding program. I stayed in our grandparent’s house and fixed both Kylie and my things. We’ll be going this afternoon. This morning, I decided to write Kevin a letter. I didn’t want to get his hopes up so once and for all, after the feeding program, I will talk to him.

Kevin,

I don’t know the words to use. I’ve been so selfish. I didn’t even recognize that I have hurt you and your feelings that are so true. I am not yet ready to be in a relationship and you deserve someone better. Nevertheless, I wish you’re here with me. Can we talk alone this time and make the things be clarified? I’m just too worried that we’ll leave each other with the saddest moment that I know we will regret. So please forgive me, please. I’m sorry that I have hurt you. I just do not know what to do.

Meet me at the Church at 3 P.M later.

–Jade

I waited for Kevin until 5P.M but he didn’t come. He probably knows I’ll reject him. What he doesn’t know is how much it hurts for me to do that. One thing that will not change is the fact that I needed to go. If only he came, he might have understood why I chose to reject him even though honestly, I like him already.

Upon finishing reading her diary, Jade wonders what happened to Kevin in the two years that they weren’t able to see each other.

I heard a knock on my door and opened it.

“Hey, I knew you were still awake,” Azalea told me.

“I couldn’t sleep after what happened this morning,” I confessed.

Our grandmother died and today was the day she was buried. I came in last night. Kylie and mom were left in Manila. After Kylie and I went home two years ago, mom and dad really did separate. The first year was hard on our part. Dad had a new family while we were struggling. We juggled on the finances but we were able to manage.

Two days ago, we received the news that grandmother died. We all cried in despair because during the times when we felt alone, she was the one who strengthen us. She was the one who made us believe that even without a male head in our family, God will always be our father.

That morning, during the mass and the blessing of our grandmother’s grave, Kevin had been present.

“It was both surprising and confusing on my part,” I started to share. “I was able to accept it was nothing but teenage surge, whatever we had two years ago. However when I saw him again, I don’t know. I guess the feelings went back again and I feel like I need to do something with it.”

“Your head said it’s over, but your heart currently says, it’s now or never,” Azalea concluded.

“Probably. Yeah, I guess so. I don’t know. Everything is just so weird.”

“There’s going to be a party tomorrow for the youth ministry. I’m sure everyone would be glad to see you. They missed you when you suddenly disappeared two years ago. You owe us big time. You should also probably start there.”

“Start with what?” I asked, confused.

“Start explaining to Kevin and patch things up if it’s not yet too late,” she answered seriously. “Nevertheless, I wouldn’t give you any assurance. I mean, you’ve been gone for two years. That’s a long time and someone may have taken your place already.”

“I get what you mean. Thanks Azalea,” I responded with a smile.

It’s a smile that is only shown to be able to hide what I feel. Because deep inside, I am hoping that nobody had ever taken my place.

The next day, at exactly 5P.M, the party had started at the town’s plaza. When Azalea and Jade arrived, the party had already started. They have seen Von hosting the show.

“Now, let us listen to one of our youth minister’s song. According to him this song is dedicated to a girl he was supposed to meet before. I know he is popular to all, let’s give it up for Kevin as he sings his song entitled Please come back.”

Kevin took the stage with his guitar. He sat on a stool and began to strum the strings of his guitar. I felt a shiver on my back and I recalled our memories together as he sang.

I

I keep searching for your love

But why do you have to leave me

I’ve been so selfish

Didn’t even recognize

That I have hurt you

And your feelings that’s so true

I wish you’re here with me.. ohh

II

Can we talk alone this time

And make the things be clarified

I’m just too worried

That we’ll leave each other with

The saddest moment

That I know we will regret

So please forgive me, please

Chorus:

I’m sorry that I have hurt you

I just do not know what to do

Please come back now here with me

And hear my words you really need

Don’t worry I’ll take care of you

And never ever let you go

I promise that I’ll love you so

For you to know the really truth

III.

Can we start again this time

And change the things we need to change

It’s not even late

To show you what I feel

Just trust me and then

Everything will be alright

To make our love be strong

(CHORUS)

If you and me could still be together

Do you think we will last forever ..ohh…

After he finished his song, he went down from the stage and we went up to him. Azalea and I were walking towards him already when a girl hugged him.

“You were great out there Kevin, I’m so proud of you!” the girl said excitedly.

“No need to fuss over something simple like I did,” he answered.

When I saw the two of them, I felt a pang of jealousy. What if I never left him? Will I be able to do what she does to him? I need a closure. I so need a d*mn good reason for this sh*tty feeling that I have for him.

Azalea cleared her throat and that’s when Kevin noticed our presence. She introduced us to the girl whom he was with and that’s when the painful words struck me.

“By the way, this is Celine. She’s my girlfriend.”

I felt a bang on my chest as if being hit by a bullet. This was what I had been avoiding and it’s what I got. This feels so good. Not.

“Kevin, I think I’ll let you catch up with your friends here,” Celine announced.

She told us that she has some friends to meet and thus will be leaving us first. Celine seems nice. She’s also beautiful. She may be the perfect for Kevin.

After Celine left, Azalea told us that we may need privacy for our “chit-chat” so she left as well.

“I guess I can’t leave now, or else you’ve got no one to talk to. You might end up talking to your hand,” I said laughing.

“Well little lady from the city, that would be better than staying with you who always let me eat your sharp words,” he countered.

We talked for a bit more until we touched the painful subject.

“Why didn’t you go two years ago?” I asked in an almost silent voice.

“I know you would reject me. It was evident from your letter and I guess that time, I wasn’t prepared to accept it,” he answered back in almost whisper too.

“Can I have you back again?”

“No, this time, it’s different.”

“We had the best before, so why not now?”

“You left me hanging. That time I didn’t know what to do. My life was messed up. I was messed up.”

“Can’t we bring back the pieces?”

“Celine suffered a lot with me while you and I had the best times. I want to make her happy more than the way we used to be when we were together. I’m sorry I fell in love with her and fallen out of love with you.”

“There must still be feelings. I mean the song that you played. It’s not about you and Celine. It’s about you and me. It even contained some parts of my letter to you before. It means you still have the feelings for me.”

This time I was holding back the tears. I was like a child begging her mother not to leave her; or probably a dog asking for food. I was a beggar hoping that a kind heart would drop a penny on my tin can.

“I didn’t mean for you to think that way. I’ve written that a long time ago. I wanted to let go of the past and the only way Celine taught for that to happen is to sing that song to give up on everything we had.”

I can see the sincerity in his eyes. His heart was a window which was once opened for me. Now, it had opened for another; for Celine.

“I guess she deserves you and you deserve her. You were able to move on. I wish you happiness.”

I said that so that he wouldn’t pity me. I pretended it was okay but it was the worst thing in the world. I was fighting my tears as he talks. I wanted to disappear. I was broken. Why didn’t I see it before? I don’t know what to do.

I told him I wanted to rest early and left. It’s the last time you’ll ever see me Kevin.

I cried for some time. It was hard to accept that he didn’t love me anymore. I thought I was so stupid to have rejected him before yet I knew I had made the right decision. Until now the wound is not yet completely healed, it’s not that easy, but in time it will be. When that time comes, my heart will beat once again. For now, I will go on with my life and take opportunities that will open up for me. Having a partner is not my primary concern now. It will come at the right place and time and with the right person. That’s the way life goes for me.

Kevin’s POV

I’m sorry to hurt you. I didn’t mean to. I was there for you then, but you refused to accept me. You broke my heart in two and Celine brought it back for you. I have learned to live my life with her. I’m sorry. Things didn’t go the way it was before but it could’ve probably changed if you accepted me two years ago. I’m sorry we can’t go back to the past, but I hope our friendship would never last.

Sorry if we can’t go back

“Deviant Love”

started: 5-21-2008

finished: 8-9-2008

 

A story of martyrdom
A tale of secrets
A girl desperate for existence in his life
A guy numb for emotions
Another guy patiently waiting
This is a Deviant Love

OMG naman oh. It hurts kaya. Hmph, bakit kasi eto pang si Aljay yung nagustuhan ko. Yes, Aljay Lim. He’s the basketball star of our batch. He’s also intelligent. Guess what his best subject is? It’s actually Math. Honestly speaking, ang halimaw nito eh! Pati final exams around 2-3 mistakes lang. Kumusta ka naman diyan di ba? Partida, yung mali niya dun din na niya sinagutan, kasi naman tinatamad daw siya. Ang hangin di ba? Ewan ko nga bakit nagustuhan ko siya eh.

Back to what hurts. Nasasaktan ako kasi feeling ko mahal niya pa rin ang best friend ko, si Jae. Well, si Jae, ang “Miss SG” namin. Currently taken na siya ng school heartthrob na si Lem. Ilang months na rin simula ng incident kung saan nalaman ni Aljay na si Lem ang mahal ni Jae. I think his mind knows it but his heart is not yet ready to accept it. I like Aljay pero di niya alam yun, at natatakot akong ipaalam kasi baka masaktan lang ako.

By the way, ako si Nikz. Nikki Saldivar. I’m a talker. Correction, I’m a talker, but never a nagger, gets? Hmm… I won’t say I’m intelligent pero medyo na rin. At least I’m an above average student in terms of grades.

“Nikki! No Day dreaming!”

“Ouch. Sorry po.”

Nagtawanan yung klase. Did I mention I’m a day dreamer too? Yeah, now you know.

Maya-maya may note nang pinasa sakin.

Naman Nikz! Halos bawat subject na tatawag yung attention mo ah. Focus girl! Si Aljay na naman yan noh!
-Jae

My best friend knows me too much.

*Riiing*

Hay salamat. Lunch na. Eto lang paborito ko sa school eh. Break time. Haha… Jae, Cloud and I sat with the usual spot sa canteen. Dun kami lagi umuupo, at alam yun ng buong campus. Para ngang may label na “reserved” dun eh, kasi simula first year, dun na kami nakaupo.

“Naman, girls… Di man lang ako mapansin ni crush oh. Kasi naman ‘siya’ pa rin yung gusto niya. Da hell”
I was actually referring to Miss SG here. And they know that then I say “crush”, it’s Aljay.

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s not my fault I’m more beautiful than you. Haha…”

Lokaret talaga tong Miss SG na to. Hmph, buti na lang friends tayo.

Maya-maya umupo si Arvhin at Dale sa table namin. Arvhin and Dale are our friends. This year lang namin sila naging ka-close.

Si Dale, uber chick boy at uber talino, pero uber tamad din. Haha… Si Arvhin, ang resident mathematician namin at star player sa badminton. Best friend siya ni crush. O diba? Magbest friend, pareho magaling sa Math at pareho star player.

Then, sumingit na rin ang isang loka.

“Girl, gusto mo ba talaga mapansin ni crush mo?”

“Of course naman noh!”

“Well, consider your wish granted, I have a plan!”

Ano kayang plano nitong loka?

“Ano naman yun Cloud?”

“You’ll see… basta maki-ride ka lang!”

Ano bang plano ang sinasabi ni Cloud? Naman tong gurlaloo na to. Pa-suspense pa… pero in fairness, na-excite naman talaga ako. Haha…

Recently, this campus had been lover’s lane already. Their favorite date? 18. Ewan sa kanila basta halos lahat ng mag-on dito 18 ang monthsary.

“18, 18, 18! Why does this school have so much couples? As if naman magtatagal. For sure 80% sa mga mag-on, wala pang 5 months break na..!”

I was talking with Cloud and Arvhin.

“Girl, ang bitter mo diyan palibhasa NBSB ka diyan.”

“No, I’m not. Ok, fine, NBSB ako pero anu naman?”

“Nikz, you sound defensive.”

“Pati ba naman ikaw Arvhin? Gaaa… No I’m not trying to be defensive, pero yun talaga yung totoo. Wanna bet?”

I wasn’t expecting na pati si Arvhin makikigatong na rin kasi most of the time he’s on my side. Among my friends, sa kanya talaga ako nag-o-open ng tungkol kay Aljay, kahit na alam kong best friend niya si crush. Di naman niya kasi ako nilalaglag.

“Hay naku Nikz, pero kung si Aljay siguro ayos lang maki-18 ka along with the lovers here.”

Yes. The answer is most definitely yes, but I didn’t want to say that because admitting it would be admitting defeat as well.

Several days after, hindi pa rin naisakatuparan ang plano ni Cloud. Eto lunch na, at eto na naman ang angal session ko kay Arvhin.

“Ano bang type ng best friend mo at bakit ganyan siya? I exist naman to a lot of people, but not to him?!”

“Are you asking physically o sa personality?”

“Both!”

“Physically, mahilig siya sa babaeng sexy. Gusto niya ng curves, di masyado sa face.”

“Ouch naman! Bakit may butt naman ako ah! Wala nga lang bust! May gesh… pwede bang sa mukha na lang siya tumingin? Asus, maganda naman ako eh.”

No I wasn’t kidding. Ganyan ako ka-open sa kanya. And I’m serious, a lot of people compliment me for my pretty face, yun nga lng I wasn’t granted the curves.

“Ahaha, Nikz… I wish you would feel that there are people na naaappreciate yung ganda mo. Hindi man si Aljay, but there will definitely be someone.”

“Okay, so sablay na ako sa physical. He’s a body-person. How about sa personality?”

“Well Aljay likes bubbly girls na nakarelate sa sports. Gusto niya may sense kausap. Uhmm, and yung humorous, to the extent na pwede siya makapag-share ng green jokes.”

“Bubbly. May sense kausap. Okay ako dun. Sports. Nope. Green jokes. Nope. 2 out of 4. Ai may gesh talaga oh!” Ayaw kami pagsamahin!”

“That’s not for you to decide. A person who loves sees something that others could not. Kung siya nga yung para sa’yo, makikita niya ang assets mo at tatanggapin niya yung flaws mo.”

“Ah basta. Lam mo Arvhin, hinding hindi ako magbabago para sa lalaki! Naniniwala ako sa sinabi mo. Dapat tanggapin niya ako. If he doesn’t, then he doesn’t deserve me! Duh! Ni hindi ako magpaparetoke o magpapadagdag ng dibdib for him noh! Over my dead body!”

“Ahaha… That’s what I like about you Nikz, you make me laugh and you’re damn cute.”

I wish Aljay is as understanding as Arvhin.

I hope Aljay sees me as Arvhin does.

I hope Aljay will learn to appreciate me like Arvhin had.

Tawa lang kami ng tawa ni Arvhin sa canteen. Ganito lagi kami, lalo na pag si Aljay ang topic. Buti nga di siya nagsasawa makinig eh.

“Hay naku Arvhin Lardizabal… bakit hindi na lang ikaw ang nagustuhan ko?”

Bubbly me and probably too opinionated and too loud and too expressive, hindi ko naisip na sa mga salitang binitawan ko that time, malaking pagbabago ang darating.

Hindi ko pa masabi nung time na yun na malaking epekto pala sa tao pag nagbitiw nang mabibigat na salita that involves deep emotions.

Later on that day, it was announced that we’ll be having dissection for the following week. The list of animals allowed were written on the board.

Naka-grupo na kami for our Laboratory activities. That group will be permanent for the whole school year. Unfortunately, hindi ko ka-grupo si Aljay but it’s okay because ka-group ko naman si Cloud.

The following week, we had our dissection. Yung table naming, just across the table of Aljay’s group. Sa side naman namin, group nina Arvhin.

“Hala! Buhay pa! Uy ayusin ninyo!”

“Ngee Aljay, bakit ka nanginginig diyan? Ahaha… Takot ka? Tsaka buhay pa talaga yan, pinatulog lang natin.”

“Di noh… okay, medyo, nakakakaba eh bakit ba?!”

May gulay, I can’t believe Aljay is scared of frogs. That’s so funny and so cute at the same time.

“Wah, si Nikki oh, expert..!”

Natawa na lang ako sa comment ni Cloud eh. Expert daw. Nagtatapang-tapangan lang ako kasi ayoko malaman nila na di ako sanay sa internal organs, kahit pa ng animals… hoho… Effective ang pagkukunwari ng bruha.

I didn’t notice na while I was cutting the sleeping frog’s anus, all the way to its stomach, nakatingin si crush.

“Whoah, expert ka nga Nikz. Ikaw ata pinakamagaling maghandle ng dissection eh.”

“Di noh. Ikaw talaga, bolero! Haha…”

“Ang gaan kaya ng kamay mo. Siguro di man lang nararamdaman ni froggy na ginugunting at hinihiwa mo na siya.”

“Haha… Ikaw talaga. Mga pick-up lines mo ayusin mo ah. Di mo ako madadala diyan noh.”

Awoot nag-deny ang bruha pero sa totoo lang flattered ako sa compliment niya.. haha…

Nakangiti lang ako sa kanya tapos nag-dissect na ulit ako. I suddenly dropped my dissecting scissors and scalpel because…

Aljay held my hand…

“Aljay! Nikki! What’s wrong there?”

“Ahh, wala po ma’am. Natabig ko po yung kamay ni Nikki pagdaan ko.”

I’m so glad na nauna nang sumagot si Aljay because I was obviously in a state of shock. Then, Aljay went back to his group, taking a glance back at me and smiled.

Bawal kami pumunta sa ibang groups. No loitering during experiments. Hayzzz, pano kaya ako makakapunta sa kanya. Think. Think. Think. Aha! Naman, ano pa nga ba, edi magsulat!

Hey Yabang! What’s with the holding of my hand?
-Nikz

Teka, pano ko maaabot to.

“Uhmm, psst… psst…”

Lumingon si Aljay tapos hinagis ko yung paper na may note ko. Kaso pagkasalo niya,

“Nikki Saldivar! What is that throwing of paper all about?! Let me see that!”

Nakaii! Patay kang bata ka. For sure, babasahin niya yan sa klase .! *dug dug, dug dug, dug dug*

“Ma’am, I can explain. Gani–“

“No excuses Nikki. Well, what do we have here? Aha… Nikki and Aljay, does this class seem to be Math? Why are you passing a paper with your Math notes?”

Napatingin ako kay Aljay. Math? Bakit naging Math?

“Well class, the assigned people to clean today after the Lab experiment will be off duty today. The two of you will be cleaning now.”

Patay na talaga. At least di nabasa ni ma’am yung note ko. Mas nakakahiya pag nangyari yun.

“Kasi pahawak-hawak pa ng kamay. Tapos susulatan. Buti di ka nabuko.”

“Hay naku Cloud, laking pasalamat ko nga rin eh.”

After our Lab experiment, naglabasan na yung klase. Last period naming ang Science kaya eto, umuwi na yung iba, kami ni Aljay nandito pa rin.

I wasn’t talking to him because I was embarrassed, at the same time confused.

“Hey Nikz. Kumusta ka naman, ayaw mo akong kausapin diyan?”

“Eh kasi hinawakan mo yung kamay ko eh.”

Whaat..? Naku. That’s totally lame. Nadulas pa ako. He’ll definitely think I’m shallow, medyo totoo naman.

“Ahaha.. yun na ba yun? Dahil hinawakan ko yung kamay mo?”

“Oo, anong nakakatawa dun?”

“Wala lang. I mean most girls would rather be flattered than worried, especially when it’s me who touched their hand.”

“Well, I’m not one of them. Hindi ko basta basta pinapahawak yung kamay ko, kahit sayo pa.”

When I said those words, tumalikod ako sa kanya. Tapos naghugas ako ng dissecting kit habang iniinit niya yung dissecting pan.

“Sorry, okay. I didn’t mean to offend you Nikz. Well, sabi ko kasi di ba  ang gaan ng kamay mo. Ayaw mo maniwala and so I touched it. ”

Eh kumusta naman yung rason niya di ba? So babaw. Sa bagay ako rin naman mababaw.

“Oh siya siya, peace na nga tayo.”

“Yes!”

Lalapit na sana siya sakin, probably to hug me pero…

“Ep, ep, ep! No touch!”

“Ahaha… okay okay sorry.”

“Eh teka, pano naiba ung paper na nabasa ni ma’am?”

“Well, I let her read the notes na pinasa sakin ng seatmate ko. I exchanged it with the letter you gave me.”

“Oh… I see… expert ka na sa pagpapalusot.”

We both laughed at ayun na nga, bati na kami. Little did we know, nandun si Arvhin sa labas ng Lab, nakikinig sa halakhakan namin.

Arvhin’s POV

Iba talaga tong si Nikz. Nikki Saldivar. Akala ko noon hanggang friends lang tayo. Lalo na dahil gusto mo yung bestfriend ko. Alam ko yun. Akala ko rin tanggap ko na yun… pero mukhang di pa pala.

I listen patiently to every word you have to say about Aljay. I answer honestly to every question you have to ask about him. Suportado ko nga kayo eh. Hanga ako na kinaya mong magparaya noon dahil minahal ni Aljay ang bestfriend mong si Jaelyn. Pero ngayon, mukhang ako na ang nasa sitwasyon mo. Ako yung nagpaparaya para sa inyo ng kaibigan ko. Ako yung nagtatago ng nararamdaman ko. Hanggang kailan? Sh*t, hanggang kailan?

Nakikinig ako kanina sa labas ng Lab. I was waiting for you para sabay na tayo umuwi like we always do pero mukhang you found another company, someone you would prefer to be with, someone who is better than me. I wanted to feel happy for the both of you. Ang sakit sakin nun.

Ngayon, kakatawag mo lang. Kinuwento mo yung nagyari sa inyo ni Aljay sa Lab. Anong nangyari nung dissection… nung nabasa ni ma’am yung letter… nung naglilinis kayo. I sounded cheerful for you but it was merely an act. Sa totoo lang, sa loob ko, masyado nang masakit yung nangyari na nakita kong ang saya ninyo sa Lab, now I still need to listen to your story and how happy you were when you were together?

I will take this. Kaya ko pa. Magtitiis pa ako. Magpaparaya. But God knows up until when I’ll be able to do this. Sh*t naman. Kahit ilang beses ko sabihin na masakit, hindi pa rin matanggal yung nararamdaman ko.

Nikki. Aljay. Para sa inyo, magpipigil ako. Pero sana, wag dumating ang oras na lumabas yung totoong nararamdaman ko. At sana… Aljay… kahit kaibigan kita… kapag pinaglaruan mo si Nikz, wala nang usapan. Lalo na pag nalaman kong, rebound mo lang siya.

Nikki’s POV

Hay… Ang saya talaga ng araw. Wee… para akong nasa clouds, lumulutang-lutang na parang angel… ahaha, ang chaka naman! Lumulutang ba ang angels? Ano yun multo? My gesh, nalolokerz na naman ako.

I just finished talking with Arvhin. Ang saya-saya ko talaga habang kinkuwento ko sa kanya yung nangyari. Pero something tells me that he wasn’t okay. Something tells me that he was just pretending to be fine. Siguro masama yung pakiramdam… pero hindi eh… iba.

Don’t tell me he’s falling for me..?

Arvhin Lardizabal? Falling for me? No. No. No. Impossible. Nababaliw lang ako kaya naisip ko yun. That cannot be possibly it. Hai naku Nikki, naka-high ka na naman.

—-

–RECOLLECTION ON THURSDAY!–

Yan ang note sa board pagpasok ko sa room. Recollection. Wow, everybody loves this. *Sal Terrae will be here again in our school. Non – sectarian ang school namin but they manage to conduct such religious activities without disgracing our fellow schoolmates na hindi Christians (there are Muslim students kasi samin, and Hindu, as well as Buddhists). Every year, we look forward to Sal Terrae’s visit sa school. And dahil nga non – sectarian kami, sa school lang kami kasi unlike parochial and exclusive schools, wala kaming retreat house.

Naging talk of the town agad sa batch naming ang recollection. Pag-uwi ko sinabi ko agad kay Mommy na recollection namin sa Thursday. As usual, nataranta na naman kami sa damit. It’s not at all surprising kasi pag only child ka, lalo na’t babae, ganito talaga. Super tutok.

In the end, we agreed on a maroon strappy blouse with its terno na maroon skirt. Dahil bawal ang sleeveless, pinatungan na lang namin ng black blazer. My hair was long and so I braided it with a white ribbon. At to match it up, white, strappy heels. I’m not really a fan of heels kaso Mom insisted me to wear those kasi maliit ako. I remember my first recollection way back in elementary, nakipag-karera pa ako kay Cloud nang ng naka-heels ako. In fairness, panalo ako nun! (At take note, partida, naka-flats si Cloud nun haha) At nung first batch party naman namin, na-stuck pa yung heels ko sa grills sa floor. Basta maraming memories ang pagsusuot ng heels sakin. However, I didn’t anticipate the one which will the most memorable was this year.

When I entered our Assembly hall (malapit nang mag-time), all eyes were fixed on me, which was pretty normal. Kasi kapag ganitong occasion, super compare ng mga damit at siyempre, nire-rate pa nila yun ah. I don’t mind actually. Ano naman kung i-rate nila yung damit ko or yung looks ko ngayon? Inggit lang sila! Hahaha… Nagiimagine na naman ang bruha. Pero wait lang, hindi lang yun yung nangyari nung pagpasok ko ng room, hindi yung mata ng mga nakatingin yung importante dun eh, well nakakahiya pero I actually fell backward kasi may natapon na sanitizer gel sa floor. OMG, mauuna yung puwet ko!

“Aiii!”

Well, well, well, just my luck. May nakasalo sakin. When I looked back, it was Arvhin.

“Thanks Vhin. Sorry, mabigat ata ako.”

Wahahahaii… Catch me I’m falling for you! Ahaha… Tinotopak na naman ako. When I was able to regain my balance, that’s when Arvhin replied and I can’t help but notice, nagblush siya.

“Okay lang. Ang clumsy mo naman kasi. Mag-ingat ka ha. And anyway it’s no big deal, ang gaan mo lang naman eh. Pataba ka muna.”

“Magaan ako para sayo kasi Badminton player ka and so your arms are strong.”

We smiled at each other and went to our places. Nakita ni Aljay ang nangyari. I caught his eyes but he was the first to look away. Secretly I was wishing… I wished he was jealous.

~~~~~~~~~
NOTE: *Sal Terrae is non-fictional. Totoong may ganitong organization which holds recollections and retreats. (They hold a lot of schools’  recollections and retreats… including ours)

This year’s topic is of our recollection is about Relationships. Each facilitator from the group for Sal Terrae gave us different activities that had helped us open up and reach out to one another.

Nung break time nagtatawanan sina Aljay, Arvhin and Dale. Paglapit ko, hinila ako ni Dale.

“Ui Nikz. May gusto pala sayo si Aljay eh.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Alam mo ba kanina sabi niya ang gusto daw niyang mag-share sa klase, ikaw. Kasi ang sincere daw ng mga sinasabi mo tsaka gusto ka niya pang mas makilala.”

Arghhhhh! OMG! OMG! OMG! Wala akong masabi… what should I say?

“Ahaha, Sh*t Nikz, I know you would have that reaction. I knew it! Ang lakas talaga ng tama mo sa kanya!”

“Are you messing with me Dale because you better not be or you won’t be having any girls to surround you.”

“Hey, cool it Nikz! Ang hot mo naman. I’m honest okay. Eh kung niloloko lang kita sinabi ko na.”

“Dale, he thinks I’m sincere kaya gusto niya ako magshare. Yun lang yun.”

“He said you’re sincere and he wants to know more about you!”

“And so?”

“And so? Nikz and hina mo! He wants to know more about you… He’s interested in you!”

“Whaaaat?!”

“You’ve got to be joking Dale! Aljay is NOT interested with me!”

Wag mo akong lokohin ng ganyan, baka ma-carried away ako! No no no…

“You don’t want to believe? Fine! Go ahead… but one day you’ll realize that what I said were true.”

Tapos super walk out si Dale. Ano ba naman. I don’t want to believe it at first but I guess I’m believing it now.

When the break was over, we went to the fifth floor, sa auditorium. It was an open forum about girl and boy relationships. It is not necessary na magsalita, pwedeng makinig ka lang. However if you decide to open up, it is still your choice whether to mention names or not. I don’t really share on topics like this kaya tumahimik lang ako. Tapos nag-open na si Jae. Then si Lem. Then pati si Cloud. Hala! Parang kailangan talagang mag-open din ako kahit hindi compulsory to eh. Magtataas na ako ng kamay tapos biglang nagsalita si Aljay.

“I like her. I thought at first she was just a friend. I never noticed her because I liked somebody else. Pero nung nawala yung… nung nagkagusto sa iba yung kaibigan niya, napansin ko na siya. I was starting to like her although I didn’t want to admit it kasi ayokong masaktan siya. I wasn’t sure at first, I thought baka maging panakip-butas ko lang siya. I didn’t want that to happen because I know that she deserves the best. Akala mo lang sa una maarte siya because of the way she speaks and the way she dresses. Nevertheless, upon knowing more about her, I found out that she was more than just a Barbie doll in a plastic world. She is deep and caring. She is sincere and is ready to sacrifice for other’s sake.”

“Aww… I wish he was referring to me.”

I whispered to Dale.

“Dumb! He WAS referring to you.”

“Huh?”

Ok. My mistake. He was referring to me? Tama ba ‘to? Ewan. After our open forum, our facilitator, ate Nina Carmel ask us to stand. (However she prefers us to call her, Ate Ncarmz, cool noh?) She said, yakapin namin ang mga kaklase namin starting sa pinakahindi namin masyado kasundo o kaclose hanggang sa mga importante sa buhay namin yung huli. This was my chance to know whether Aljay likes me or not. Pag last ako, it means he likes me.

A background music was played. The lights or the room were dimmed. Not too dark, just enough for us to see faint images of our classmates. I think this is good kasi medyo nakakailang kung maliwanag.

About towards the middle of the song, nagyayakapan pa rin kami, inapproach ako ng classmates kong lalaki. Mga barkada ni Lem. Tapos nahiya siguro sila so instead of hug, nag-shake hands lang kami. Biglang pumasok si Aljay and said…

“Hey, it’s my turn now”

Whoah. I expected him to come as my last partner. Umalis yung classmates ko.

“Hmph. Gusto mo lang maka-chansing.”

“Sinong nagsabi?”

“Ako. Aminin mo.”

“Ahaha Well, that’s a good option too but I actually decided to tell you, I want to save the best for last.”

Aww… Ewan sa’yong loko ka. Then, he walked away. Patapos na yung song and as I slowly finished reaching all of my classmates, I waited for Aljay, but he never manage to fulfill his promise that he’ll be my last. My last was Arvhin.

Before our recollection ended, the Catholics had a special mass. Commentator namin si Cloud and I was assigned for the first reading. Si Ate Ncarmz pa rin ang  nag-assist samin. I can’t help but ask her before the mass starts,

“Ate, what can you say about an unfulfilled promise by a guy to a girl?”

“Well, that’s really disappointing. Pero hindi naman natin dapat i-judge yung tao just because of an unfulfilled promise. He may have his reasons whatever they were. I think what matters is ma-appreciate mo yung naibibigay niya sa’yo kaysa isipin mo yung mga pagkukulang niya sa’yo.”

I quite agree with her. San kaya natutunan ni ate yung ganun?

The recollection ended well and successful. Before we went home, Cloud, Jae and I took some pictures. Nung pauwi na kami, narinig ko si Arvhin with Lem, whispering in the school garden.

“Vhin, pano na yan. Na-gets na siguro ni Nikki na siya yun.”

“Ewan ko rin Lem. Kung ako lang, sana di na lang inamin ni Aljay. Pero sa bagay, tingin ko naman masaya si Nikki ngayon dahil alam na niya.”

Alam ko alin? Arvhin maling mali ka. Hindi ako masaya. Kasi despite of what Ate  Ncarmz told me, I am still disappointed of what your bestfriend did to me. I want to hold on to what Ate Ncarmz told me but it was just so hard.

—-

The next week, dito na naisakatuparan yung plano ni Madam Cloud. It was very unexpected. Nagulat na nga lang ako but I managed not to let my jaw drop.

“Hey, Vhin and Nikz congrats!”

We were going down for our lunch in the canteen. Ako, si Cloud, Jae, Dale, Arvhin at Aljay. Si Lem, nasa barkada niya. Jae doesn’t really want him to sacrifice his time with his barkada just to be with her kaya occasionally lang siya sumasama samin.

“Oh? Bakit naman Cloud?”

“Come one girl. It’s not like you have to hide it you know.”

“Huh?”

“Ahaha, playing dumb again.”

Ano ba tong si Cloud? Naka-drugs ba to?

“Everyone, congratulate ninyo si Arvhin at Nikz. They’re officially on! Right, Vhin?”

Nagulat ako kay Arvhin kasi parang ang kalmado niya sumagot. It’s like he knows this was going to happen. But then again, Arvhin was always calm and cool so this isn’t surprising at all.

“Yes. We’re officially on. One week na kami. Ayaw sana namin muna paalam pero dahil alam na ni Cloud, then there’s no point hiding it, di ba Nikz?”

He put his arms over my shoulder then winked at me.

“Uhuh. Yeah. Sorry guys.”

“So Nikz, kelan monthsary ninyo?”

Hala, nu sasabaihin namin ni Vhin?

“18”

Sabay pa kami. Eh bakit ba, eh makisabay na lang sa uso sa school. I mentioned dati na maka-18 nga sila di ba? Ayan, whew…

“I think this calls for a celebration, don’t you think so too Aljay?”

Hala, Cloud! Wag kang ganyan!

“N-no. It’s o-okay. No need for that. Gastos lang yan.”

“No. I think you deserve the best celebration we could give.”

OMG. This is the end of the world.

Arvhin’s POV

I just went with the flow. I just went with the flow. I just went with the flow.

D*mn. Bakit ako nagiguilty? Di ko naman plano to. How could I feel like I’m responsible for this?

–Two days ago–

*Buzz*
aq.c.ulap: yo arvhin!
smasher_lardizabal: ui cloud
aq.c.ulap: remember my plan?
smasher_lardizabal: what plan?
aq.c.ulap: memory gap nman 2 oh. ung plan pra mpncn ni aljay c nikz
smasher_lardizabal: oh. wat about dat?
aq.c.ulap: I want u 2 go wid d flow. go wid whatever I’m going 2 do
smasher_lardizabal: nu b balak m?
aq.c.ulap: bsta. mki-ride k lng.
smasher_lardizabal: ok. ok. cge n nga
aq.c.ulap: r u xur u wanna do ds?
smasher_lardizabal: kng mkk2long ke nikz, y not?
aq.c.ulap: o xa, xa… go n 2, wlang atrasan
smasher_lardizabal: I know wat I’m putting myself in2
aq.c.ulap: xbe m yan ah.

—-

I can’t blame Cloud for this because I promised her that I’ll go with this plan even if I wasn’t sure what it was. At kung tingin niya makakabuti ito para kay Nikz and Aljay, then go, I’ll help.

“Vhin?” Naku, ang dami kong iniisip. Napansin siguro ni Nikki.

“Yes Bhe?”

“Huh?” Simultaneous pa yung barkada. Yan lahat reaction nila. Maski ako nagulat sa sinabi ko eh. Bhe naman. San ko ba napulot yun?

“Bakit ganyan kayo? Di kayo sanay sa tawagan namin?”

Hay. Cover up. Cover up. Buti may naisip ako na sabihin. Nikz gave me the we-need-to-talk look. Nakita rin yun ni Cloud kaya siya na yung nauna.

“Sige na, our new lovers need their space. I guess we better give it to them.”

“Thanks guys.”

Nikki answered flatly tapos pumunta kami sa likod ng school gym. Bihirang nay tao dun kaya dun kami nag-usap.

“Bhe? 18? What was that all about?”

“Ito na yung plano ni Cloud. Di ba sabi mo dati gusto mong mapansin ni Aljay? This is what she was talking about.”

“And what good will this do to me?”

Ano nga ba? Nangangapa ako ng sagot pero di ko pwede ipakita kay Nikki yun. Kung ako si Aljay, anong reaction ko? Anong gagawin ko?

“In this way, he might be forced to tell you his feelings.”

“So pagseselosin natin siya?”

“I guess that’s Cloud’s plan.”

“Oh. Kaya ba natin?”

“Kakayanin natin kung makikiride ka.”

Nikki smiled at pagkatapos nagplano na kami. Sa lunch time na yun, kami lang yung magkasama. Gusto kong isipin na nagdedate kami. Parang totoong mag-on pero alam kong lolokohin ko lang yung sarili ko. Dahil alam kong, hindi to totoo. Parte lang to ng plano para makatulong sa taong mahal ko, at sa kaibigan ko.

“Okay. I think it’s settled!”

“Good job. Pag nagtanong sila mamaya, masasagot natin ng synchronized.”

With the lunch time kasi, plinano namin lahat. Nilagyan namin ng sagot lahat ng possible nilang tanong. Ilang months nanligaw. Kilala ba ng parents. First date. Mga ganong tanong. I think we are utmost prepared.

Kaya namin to ni Arvhin. Grabe talaga tong kaibigan ko. Lahat na ginagawa para makatulong sakin.

Paakyat na kami sa room namin nung sinabi ko sa kanya yung iniisip ko.

“Uy Arvhin.”

“Bhe?”

Nga pala. Baka may makarinig. Dapat ginagamit namin yung tawagan lagi para di kami mabuko.

“Bhe. Sorry. Uhmm, di kaya magkatotohanan to?”

“Not unless ma-in love ka talaga sakin. Di magkakatotohanan noh. You worry too much. Geh Nikz, Love you Bhe.”

“I love you too.”

Di ko maintindihan bakit biglang nag-I love you si Arvhin. When I suddenly look back that’s when I realize, Aljay was there behind us.

“Love you, bhe…”

Aljay mimicked.

“Loko ka talaga. Ginagaya mo pa si Vhin!”

“Pasensiya na ‘bhe’ ha. Wala kasi akong nasasabihan ng ‘I love you’ eh.”

Then he rolled his eyes. Natawa ako sa kanya. Halatang nagseselos na. ahaha… Ang lokong to, marunong rin pala magselos.

“Oi, Nikz, Bakit ka tumatawa diyan?”

“Wala, wala…”

Umalis na ako habang tumatawa pa rin.

Aljay’s POV

“Di magkakatotohanan noh. You worry too much. Geh Nikz, love you bhe.”

“I love you too.”

I happen to be at the back of these so-called ‘lovers’ when I heard this.

Di magkakatotohanan? Why does Nikz have to worry? Anong pinaguusapan nila?

I know that they are hiding something but I am not really sure what. Tapos nung kausap ko pa si Nikz, I guess I sound kind of defensive just because i am so d*mn pissed off. Nagseselos ako. Oo na. Pero bakit naman? Kilala ko si Arvhin. Alam niyang si Nikki yung tinutukoy ko nung nag-recollection kami kaya bakit naman siya pa yung niligawan niya. Worse, naging GF niya?

Naku naman. Ngayon kailangan pa magkunwari akong masaya para sa kanila kahit hindi naman talaga.

“Earth to Aljay! Nagpaplano tayo para kina Nikz at Vhin.”

“Sorry. iniisip ko yung exam sa Math mamaya.”

Big fat lie. F*ck. Nakakahalata na ata sina Cloud.

“Could you at least focus? After all, para sa best friend mo to”

“Okay.”

“Where was I? Oh yeah. Ayun. Dun na lang tayo sa bahay. Dale and I will be for designing the garden. Jae and Lem, food and drinks. So that leaves us with Aljay. Ikaw na lang magsundo sa kanila. okay na ba yun?”

Tae. Ako pa yung susundo sa lovers. May magagawa pa ba ako eh nag-agree na lahat sa naka-assign sa kanila..?

After dismissal time, inapproach ko si Arvhin.

“Vhin, kina Cloud tayo ngayon. Dun tayo magcecelebrate.”

“Oh. talaga. Sure thing. Pero pano si Nikz? Hihintayin ko na lang siya. May special test pa siyang tinetake eh.”

“Mauna ka na, ako nang bahala kay Nikz.”

“Sige. ingatan mo siya ha.”

“Oo naman.”

Nikki’z POV

*1 message received*
Sender: Vhin Lardizabal
:bhe, kna cloud tau “magcclebr8.” c aljay na maghahatid sau. ok lng? geh, datz ur chance.
nga pla, wag kang papahuli ah. bka mdulas k. geh, gud lak.:

Cool lang. Relax. Di ka mahuhuli ni Aljay. Impossible. Pinaghandaan niyo to ni Arvhin di ba?

Almost 6:00 pm na nung lumabas ako. I saw Aljay waiting for me.

Medyo kinilig ako na natatawa na kinakabahan. Ang gulo noh? Pero ganun talaga eh. Mahirap i-describe.

“Hey.”

“Hey, ako na pinaghintay ni Vhin.”

“Yeah, he texted me. Let’s go.”

Sumakay ako sa scooter ni Aljay. Wee, ang lamig naman tapos nakaangkas pa ako. Ahihi, kilig ang lola niyo oh. Super yakap. Naka-chansing pa… haha

“Aljay?”

He didn’t look back.

“Aljay…”

Still no.

“ALJAY!”

“What?”

“Hindi to yung daan papunta kina Cloud!”

“I know.”

“San mo ako dadalhin?”

“Isipin mo na lang kidnapper ako ngayon.”

“Whaaattt?!”

“Hoy Aljay! Sira ka ba? Kidnapper?! Ibaba mo ako!”

“Wag kang malikot!”

“Ibaba mo ako!”

“Shoot! Sige magpumiglas ka diyan para malaglag ka. Paagahin mo yung pagkamatay mo!”

Oopps. He has a point. Malalaglag ako kapag  naglikot ako dito. Darn. What can I do?

After a few minutes, tinigil ni Aljay yung motorcycle. He went down and removed his helmet.

“Ano? Diyan ka lang?”

“Tae ka! Bakit nandito tayo?”

“Eh kasi sabi ni Cloud may kulang na drinks kaya eto, pinapunta ako sa 7eleven.”

“Ngee…”

“Wait. Were you really expecting that I would harm or do anything to you?”

“Actually yeah.”

“So ganun ako ka-halay para sa’yo?”

“Uhmm… Hin—“

“Never mind. It’s okay.”

Tapos pumasok na siya ng 7eleven. Akala ko iiwan na niya ako. Bigla niyang binuksan yung door ng 7eleven.

“Hey Nikz. Come on. Pumasok ka na, mamaya anong mangyari sa’yo diyan sa labas eh.”

Nung nakapasok kami, kinuha niya lahat ng kailangan tapos bumili siya ng slurpee. Isang slurpee lang binili niya and isang siopao.

“Hoy, ang daya mo, sarili mo lang binilhan mo ng snacks. Ako wala.”

“Di naman akin to eh. Iyo to noh.”

Sabay bigay sakin ng pagkain.

“Eh pano ka?”

“Kumain na ako kanina. Hindi naman ako tulad ng iba diyan na nagpapalipas ng gutom dahil sa exam.”

Napatingin lang ako sa kanya then nag-thank you. After I ate, lumabas kami ng 7eleven. He gave me his jacket. Napansin niya siguro na nilalamig na ako kasi he suddenly put his jacket over my shoulders. Sinuot ko naman yun tapos I wore my helmet na rin.

It was a silent ride going to Cloud’s house. Pagdating namin dun, ayun celebrate kasi kami dahil kami na kunwari ni Arvhin and kung anu-anong kasinungalingan.

We manage to get a smooth start. Parang kami talaga. Ok naman sakin yun, still I can’t help but wish na sana…

Yung celebration na yun, para samin na lang ni Aljay.

Around 2 months na rin kaming nagpapanggap ni Arvhin and slowly, we became an item na rin sa campus. Sa 2 months na yun, medyo iwas na si Aljay sakin.

Nikz, hey girl, na-ospital daw si Aljay ah.
-Jaelyn

Yan ang bumulaga sa uamaga ko. Hay naku, late na akong pumasok at nakita ko na lang yang note ni Jae sa table ko. Gaaa… bakit naman ganito?! Ang sama naman!

—Last night—

*buzz*
smasher_lardizabal: hi bhe
nikz.s.not.dt.kinda.grl: eow vhin
smasher_lardizabal: msta nman araw m?
nikz.s.not.dt.kinda.grl: aus lng… mutik sumemplang s bike haha
smasher_lardizabal: magingat k nman. Bka kng anung mngyri sau
nikz.s.not.dt.kinda.grl: aww… tnx s concern
smasher_lardizabal: btw, mlpit n mag-18 ah
nikz.s.not.dt.kinda.grl: yeah…
smasher_lardizabal: nu plano m?
nikz.s.not.dt.kinda.grl: wla p nman
nikz.s.not.dt.kinda.grl: itz not lyk may sumthing s araw n un db?
smasher_lardizabal: T_T
nikz.s.not.dt.kinda.grl: oh gosh. sori, yeah, 18 i 4got
smasher_lardizabal: no itz ok
nikz.s.not.dt.kinda.grl: cneseryoso m n b ung plano n un? db knwari lng nman un? pra lng mgselos c a.
smasher_lardizabal: probably
nikz.s.not.dt.kinda.grl: probably what?
smasher_lardizabal: wla.
nikz.s.not.dt.kinda.grl: d nga?
smasher_lardizabal: wla nga
nikz.s.not.dt.kinda.grl: ai, geh, bkas xnhin m sakin un ah, nid 2 sign out na, mom’s calling me
smasher_lardizabal: bye
nikz.s.not.dt.kinda.grl: bye

—-

Mukhang sineseryoso na ni Arvhin yung pagpapaselos. Wag naman sana. I printed our ym conversation kagabi, just to let Cloud read it. Hindi nga ako masyado nakatulog dahil dito eh. Kainis. Tapos eto naman ngayon, pambungad ng araw ko, na-late na ako then malalaman ko na si Aljay nasa ospital. Ano pang mangyayari? Pakibato na lang sakin lahat ng mga ayokong mangyari ha! Bwiset.

“Nicole, Bola!”

*Boogsh* Binato nga ako.

“Ouch. Gawdd. Loko ka Dale”

“Tae, anong nangyayari sa’yo? Kasalanan ko bang di ka tumitingin? Eh gusto mo ata sumunod kay Aljay sa ospital eh!”

Ang sakit matamaan ng bola sa mukha. Gym Class na namin. It’s the last period of the day and so far, buong araw akong wala sa sarili. Sa Laboratory nga kanina, ipanghihilamos ko pa yung Chloroform sa mukha ko eh. Buti nakita nung isang member namin, napigilanm ako, Nung Math naman namin, hindi ko man lang ma-apply ang elementary algebra sa geometry. Kumusta naman ang buhay ko di ba?

Dale helped me up. Mapahiga ka ba naman dahil tinamaan ka sa mukha ng bola. Ayun, pumunta kami ng clinic para sa ice pack. Pagkapunta naming clinic, sakto nag-bell na. Buti naman, hindi na ako mahihirapan. Uwian na.

Umuwi muna ako sa bahay to prepare some stuff tapos pumnta na ako sa ospital kung saan naka-confine si Aljay. Ang usapan ng barkada dun na lang daw magkita-kita.

3rd floor. Room 87. Room 87.  Room 87. Eto na.

I knocked and then a woman came out. Kamukha siya ni Aljay kaya ang hula ko mama niya yun.

“Good afternoon po. Uhmm…”

“Ah pasok ka hija, Aljay, may bisita ka.”

Pumasok ako and when his mother asked me to sit down, tsaka lang ako umupo sa sofa malapit sa hinihigaan ni Aljay.

“Hey. Di pa ba dumarating yung iba?”

“Hindi pa. Una kang dumating.”

“Oh. Ganun ba. Anyway, eto oh.”

I handed him a plastic container. It’s weird for a guy pero mahilig siya sa home-made cookies. Buti na lang may natira pa sa mga na-bake ko last night. Nilagay ka lang yun sa plastic container tapos design ng unti sa packaging. (Buti na lang pinag-aralan namin ‘to sa Entrepreneurship class namin) I was expecting him to say thank you pero nagulat ako sa sinabi niya

“Nikz, is something bothering you?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Nagbebake ka lang pag sobrang Masaya ka o pag-depress ka. You obviously are not happy at mukhang di ka masyado naktulog. You can tell me kung may problema ka na di mo masbi sa barkada.”

Naman. Bakit alam niya ugali ko? Bakit sakto yung sinabi niya? Arghh… asar

“Ano ka ba. Trip ko lang mag-bake kagabi kasi hindi ako makatulog.”

I knew he wasn’t satisfied pero hindi na lang siya nag-react.

Lumabas muna yung mom ni Aljay, leaving the two of us there in the room. Nag-switch topic agad siya para mapasaya siguro ako at he manage to be successful. Kahit papaano, napagaan niya yung loob ko.

Alam kong malungkot si Nikz kahit hindi niya aminin. Halatang-halata naman eh. I know her too well. Tsaka nakalimutan niya ata na Psychologist ang ate ko kaya alam ko kung nagsisinungaling siya. Sa movement pa lang ng mata niya, nakita ko na di siya nagsasabi ng totoo nung binaggit niya na di lang siya makatulog kaya nag-bake siya.

However, it was also obvious na ayaw niya talagang mag-open up kaya hindi ko na siya pinilit. Nagkwentuhan na lang kaming dalawa at sana, sana napagaan ko yung loob niya.

Nakakatuwa na marinig ko siyang tumawa at makita ko siyang nakangiti.

“Salamat Aljay. Napasaya mo ako ngayon.”

“Wala yon. basta, lagi akong nandito para sa’yo. Tandaan mo yan.”

“Uhmm… Thanks.”

Teka, tama ba yung nakita ko? Nag-blush si Nikz? Ayos yun ah.

After a while, dumating na rin sina Lem, Cloud at Dale. Si Jae, hindi dumating dahil sa SG meeting at si Arvhin naman dahil sa Badminton practice.

Kwentuhan session lang tapos umuwi na rin sila.

When they left, I saw something on the sofa… Naiwan siguro… Sa pwesto ng inupuan ni Cloud.

Just when I was supposed to pick up the piece of paper, bumalik si Cloud sa room.

“Hey Aljay! Have you seen— Oh, that’s mine. Thanks!“

“Talaga? Buti nakita ko. Here.”

Binigay ko na yung paper and she left. I wonder what’s inside that paper. I’ll probably ask Cloud when I get out of this hell.

Arvhin’s POV

“Hala… Lagot na! Pano na?”

“Eh hindi pa naman natin sure eh.”

“Maski na. What if he finds out? We’re dead!”

“Relax. Don’t be paranoid.”

“How can I not be? Tatlo tayong mapapahamak dito.”

“You don’t have to be so negative. If ever he was able to read it, he should’ve reacted to me already.”

“Para kasing… betrayal. What we did to him. Parang pinaglaruan natin siya kapag nalaman niya.”

“So you’re giving up?”

“Do you think I should be?”

“Do YOU think you should be?

“I don’t know.”

That was our telephone conversation a while ago. Tumawag si Cloud dahil hindi niya sure kung nabasa ni Aljay yung paper containing my ym conversation with Nikz. Bakit kasi kailangan pa ni Nikz i-print un eh.

Anyway, after that, I received a call from Aljay. Sabi niya after 4 days, he’ll be out of “that hell.” Oo, sabi niya yung ospital daw, “hell.” Malay ko dun kung bakit. Siguro dahil bored na siya at walang magawa. Baka rin naman gusto na niya akong patayin dahil alam na niya yung tungkol samin ni Nikz. D*mn. Am I being paranoid or what?

Nikki’s POV

Anu ba namang klaseng buhay to. Lahat ng member ng fans club ni Aljay gusto magpasama sa ospital kung san siya naka-confine. Gosh. Eh pano naman ba makakapagpahinga yung tao kung andun halos kalahati ng high school department? I said no to them na lang. Sabi ko busy ako. Nalaman kasi nilang idadaan ko yung iba niyang gamit sa locker niya.

Kailangan na kasing tanggalin yung gamit sa lockers kasi magmi-mid year break na. At dahil si Jaelyn ang in charge sa class lockers namin, sakin niya binigay ang code ng locker ni Aljay para dalhin yung gamit sa kanya. Feeling ko nga nang-aasar lang yun eh, o baka naman may hidden agenda. Ewan. Bahala na.

It’s 2pm. Siguro mga 4p.m ko na lang idadaan yung gamit niya sa ospital.

*Tic Tac Tic Tac*

Aisht. I’m so tempted to look at his stuff.

No. Nikz, that’s personal. Don’t.

He wouldn’t find out, ok lang yan.

Eh pano kung malaman niya? Tigok ka.

Wala naming makakakita eh.

“Ai Naku!”

To look or not to look????

Oh my. Look? No. Look? Yes. Look. Yes na nga. Ahihi… wala namang makakaalam eh.

Browse. Browse. Browse. Parang wala lang ah. Wala namang Makita ditong interesting. I was about to give up when a booklet fell from the one of his notebooks. Ito yung booklet na ginamit naming nung recollection. Yung booklet namin. May mga questions, songs and reflections. Medyo personal to eh. Should I read it? Fine. Just a peak.

Dear Aljay,
If you love her, don’t let go of her. We are not sure when is the right time to say what you feel but if you really like her, you have nothing to lose. You are not afraid to say what you feel, you are afraid of how she will respond. However if you will not have the courage then you will never know what lies ahead for the two of you. Good luck with N.S.
May God give you the courage to do what He intends you to do.
Take Care always,
Ate Ncarmz

That’s the dedication of Ate Ncarmz to Aljay. N.S. N.S? Sino yun? Sino si N.S. Wait lang. Initials? N.S.  Teka, initials ko yun ah. Nikki Saldivar.

“Oh my gesh. Ako yun! Ahahay! Ako yun ‘dung! N.S!”

“Nikki, anak anu yan?””

“Nothing mom. Inaatake lang ng pagkabaliw.”

Wee.. ako yung gusto ni Aljay! Uhuh! Uhuh! My gash… Teka, eh panu ko siya haharapin mamaya? For sure magbublush ako. Uhmm… sus bahala na…

I prepared to go to the hospital. Super, nagsuot ako ng khaki mini skirt kasi I’m feeling extra feminine ngayon tapos light green turtle neck. I wore jacket na khaki rin para magterno na skirt ko. Medyo malamig na kasi ngayon eh.

Ayun super happy naman akong pumunta sa ospital. It’s as if I’m walking on the clouds. Asus, chorvaness talaga ng lola ninyo oh.

When I was going inside the hospital, nakasalubong ko yung mom ni Aljay.

“Good afternoon po tita.”

“Good afternoon hija, pasok ka na lang sa room ni Aljay, he’s awake naman eh.”

“Ah, ok sige po. Thank you po.”

“Sige, I’ll go ahead, balik na lang ako mamaya. Bye”

“Bye Tita.”

After that, diretso na sa room pero may narinig akong boses.

“Sorry. Sorry.”

“How can you do this to me?”

Ouch. Those voices, I ran as fast as I can, away from the hospital.

— Half an hour after Nikki ran away —

“Hijo, umalis na si Nikki?”

“What do you mean, Ma?”

“She went hear around half an hour ago. Hindi ka ba niya pinuntahan?”

“Hindi po.”

“Oh. She must have gone home. Baka nahiya sa bisita mo kanina.”

Bisita? Sh*t. Narinig niya ba kami kanina?”

Earlier that afternoon, Trish Natividad went to the hospital. Trish, was my ex. I dumped her. Why? It’s because I found out that she was cheating on me. Kaya bago niya pa ako iwanan, ako na yung nang-iwan sa kanya. She was a year older than me and was one of the most popular girls in the campus. Siya yung top dancer, to be specific. She heads the dance troupe and mabait naman siya, plus sweet but she can be kinda “queen bee” type.

It had been two months since we broke up and I didn’t expect her to be there in the hospital. Nung una light lang yung subjects na pinauusapan namin, then hanggang sa umabot na sa break up topic.

“Why did you breakup with me?”

“It’s because I don’t deserve you.”

“How can you say that to me? Bakit kailangan mong maging bitter?”

“I’m not bitter. It’s honesty.”

“Can we work things out?”

“No. I’m sorry Trish, I don’t think we will end up together anyway.”

“You like another person.”

“Kilala mo nga ako.”

“Yeah I do, Aljay. I certainly do.”

“Sorry. Sorry.”

“How can you do this to me?”

“Don’t put the blame on me. You’re the one who was cheating on me kaya iniwan kita.”

“I guess it’s my fault. I wish I hadn’t gave up on you. I wish I was honest to you. I wish I realized you’re worth while it was still ‘us.’ I’m sorry for what I did. Sorry. Nakakahiya, babae pa naman ako.”

“It’s okay. I know how you are.”

***

Alin sa pinag-usapan naming ni Trish yung narinig niya? Gadd*mn. I’m so foolish.

Nikki’s POV

Shonga shonga ka talaga Nikki. Nakakita ka lang ng initials, nagpadala ka na? Tae. Panakip butas lang pala ako ni Aljay kay Trish. I should’ve known better. Illusionada.

The next day, I drop his things by the hospital habng tulog pa siya. Pinaiwan ko na lang kay Tita. I didn’t bother leaving a note sa gamit niya. My explanation wouldn’t matter anyway.

After a week, bumalik na siya sa school. Nagkagulo lahat pero ako hindi. Actually nag-party pa nga kina Lem para sa kanya eh. However I didn’t show up.

Kapag magka-grupo kami sa class, I only talk to him if it’s regarding our requirements. Other than that, I don’t really care… or should I say I don’t really want to care.

I was walking at the library hall when someone held my hand. Pagkalingon ko, there he was. The person I was trying so hard to avoid, Aljay.

“Let go. I’m busy.”

“Busy or pretending to be busy? Lagi mo na lang akong iniiwasan.”

“Eh ano naman sayo kung iniiwasan kita? Hindi naman ako malaking kawalan sayo. ”

“Why are you so upset? Bakit ba iniiwasan mo ako?”

I can only look in his eyes as my own eyes fill with tears.

How? How can I say na nasktan ako nung narinig ko sila ni Trish? How can I say na akala ko gusto niya ako pero panakip-butas lang pala ako? Paano ko sasabihin lahat ng to ng hindi nagmumukhang umaasa? Paano ko sasabihin lahat ng to eh alam kong wala naman akong karapatang magalit at magselos?

“I said let go Aljay and just leave me alone! Why won’t you leave me alone?”

I couldn’t help it, umiiyak na ako. Sh*t I’m falling apart. After a while binitawan niya ako.

“Nikz… I’m sorry.”

I am not sure whether I didn’t want to answer or I didn’t have the strength to answer. However, I guess pareho yun yung rason kung bakit wala na lang akong masabi sa kanya. I just cried as he had let go of me. Next thing I knew, I was in the school clinic.

Arvhin’s POV

I’ve seen it all. Lahat ng nangyari kay Aljay at Nikki. Hindi ko alam kung papasok ba ako sa eksena o hindi. After all, it was between the two of them. Hindi ako pwedeng basta makialam kahit na honestly speaking, I think I am involved already.

It hurts to see Nikki crying. It hurts more to see that the person she likes was the one who hurt her. If only I can do something to make her feel better.

Alam kong nahihirapan siya and she was losing her senses. Until she stopped crying and lost consciousness.

Before she could fall, nasalo ko siya. I didn’t know how or why, instincts na lang siguro yun.

Alam kong nagulat si Aljay sa bigla kong pagpasok.

“Vhin…”

“Tama na Aljay.”

“I didn’t know I would make her cry.”

“Too bad, you already did.”

“But I didn’t mean to”

“Sabing tama na. Baka nakakalimot ka.. ako yung boyfriend niya.”

He was obviously shocked by what I said and I wanted to retrieve those words yet I know it’s better not to. With that, I carried Nikki to the clinic.

If I give up on you I give up on me
If we fight what’s true, will we ever be
Even God himself and the faith I knew
Shouldn’t hold me back, shouldn’t keep me from you

Tease me, by holding out your hand
Then leave me, or take me as i am
And live our lives, stigmatized

I can feel the blood rushing though my veins
When i hear your voice, driving me insane
Hour after hour day after day
Every lonely night that i sit and pray

That music hits the spot. Super sapul talaga. Teka. Stigmatized. Ganito nga ba kami? Kami nino? Ni Aljay o ni Arvhin? Gash. Hayzz. Nga pala, Bakit nasa clinic ako?

“Miss Saldivar. Gising ka na pala.”

“Bakit po nandito ako? Anong oras na?”

“It’s 3 in the afternoon. Nahimatay ka kanina. Mr. Lardizabal was the one who brought you here.”

Arvhin? Pano? The last thing I remember was talking to Aljay tapos umiiyak ako. Tapos… I guess yun na yun. Nahimatay nga ako.

The nurse advised me to go home kasi baka daw mabinat ako or anything. I did what she said. I went home. Not because I was scared na mabinat, but because I don’t exactly know how to face Aljay.
Pag-uwi ko sa bahay, soundtrip lang ako. Wala ako sa mood mag-aral. I just can’t focus on doing anything.

I open my eyes, only to see
Just how sad this world could be
That i often cry alone…oohhh

I look at the sky, longing to see
There’s a chance out there for me
For my heart to be set free…

My friends had say that it’s ok
When rainbow’s fade in clouds of gray
But in my heart i know someday
True happiness will come my way…

I never knew love till i found you
I’s magic in your smile
Never knew love till i saw you lookin’ in my eyes
And suddenly our sadness disappears
True love has fin’lly shown its smilin’ eyes on me…

I closed my eyes and felt the song. Then, there was the knock on my room’s door and it opened.

“Nikz.”

Aljay’s POV

“Nikki. Pinaakyat na ako ni Tita para daw makausap kita.”

No respond.

“Sabi niya ayaw mo daw lumabas ng kwarto eh.”

No respond.

“Sorry about what I did a while ago. I just wanted to –“

“Aljay… Let’s go out.”

“Ha?”

Before any of us could speak, lumabas kami ng kwarto niya.

“Ma, punta lang po kami kina Cloud.”

“O siya. Sige anak, wag kayo magpagabi.”

“Sige po Tita, una na po kami.”

“Ok hijo.”

Ano bang iniisip nito ni Nikz? Bakit kailangan naming lumabas?

“Nikki? Where are we going?”

“Shut up Aljay.”

Whoah. Sabi ko na nga ba eh. Sabi ko nga. I should’ve kept quiet.

Nikki’s POV

San ko ba dadalhin tong lalaking to? Bakit ko pa kasi naisipan lumabas. Oo nga pala, hindi pwede magwala sa bahay. Mabubuko pa ni Mama love life ko.

San ako pupunta? Sinugaling ko talaga. Hindi pwede kina Cloud. Palusot lang yun.

“Nikki? Where are we going?”

“Shut up Aljay.”

Aist. Bahala na nga. OMG. I know! Dun na lang.

“Kaninong bahay to?”

“Samin. Dati.”

“Oh. Bakit dito mo ako dinala?”

“Alangan namang dun ako magalit sa bahay. Edi narinig ni Mama.”

“Bakit ka naman magagalit?”

“Eh kasi ginawa mo akong panakipbutas kay Trish!”

“I never said you were.”

“You never said I wasn’t”

“Hindi kita kita ginawang panakipbutas at hinding hindi ko gagawin yun!”

“How could you be so sure?!”

“How could I not be when… I love you”

*pakk*

“How could you ffed me with your stupid lie again?”

I turned my back on him and ran away. Again, I cried as I ran home.

Aljay’s POV

That’s it. For the first time in my life, Nikki had slapped me. The girl whom I wished to be there for, is gone. Galit siya.

“How could you ffed me with your stupid lie again?”

When had I lie to you? I don’t understand. Wala akong matandaan na nagsinungaling ako sa’yo.

*1 message received*
Sender: Vhin Lardizabal
:Aljay, bc k b? bka pwedeng dmaan aq s inu. usap tau:

REPLY:
Recipient: Vhin Lardizabal
:cge. Pauwi n rn ako. Kta nlng tau:

Pag-uwi ko, nakita ko agad si Arvhin. Wala yung parents ko kaya kaming dalawa lang sa bahay.

“Pasok na. Halika. ”

Kumuha ako ng dalawang beer. Isa para sakin, isa para kay Vhin.

“Aljay, alam mong hindi ako umiinom unless it’s a special occasion. As an athlete, alam mo yan.”

Kinuha ko yung dalawang beer, pinalitan ko na lang Cali.

“Ok na ‘to?”

“Fine. Sige na nga.”

“What did you want to talk about?”

“Nikki.”

“Why? Anong meron kay Nikki?”

“It’s not true.”

“What isn’t true?”

“Hindi kami. It was a set-up.”

WTF.

“Bakit kailangan ninyong gawin yun? Why is there a need to set me up?”

“Because you were numb?”

“Numb? Me?”

“Oo. Sobra.”

“Hindi ako manhid. This is a joke, isn’t it?”

“Believe what you want to believe but I just said what I know is true.”

“Hindi ko alam kung anong saabihin ko.”

“Sige na, pag-isipan mo. Alis na ako. May pasok pa bukas.”

Arvhin’s POV

Ayan. Nagpakamartyr na naman ako. Sinabi ko na kay Aljay ang totoo. Tanggapin niya nga kaya yun? Bahala siya.

*1 message sent*
Recipient: Aljay Lim
:before I 4get, don’t drink the beer.
Alam kong nlili2 k kya cgrado aq, iinom k
Don’t even thnk of doing it:

Ano nang gagawin mo Aljay?

—
Nikki’s POV

Aljay had been avoiding our group. Hindi ko alam anong nangyari pero ok na rin siguro yun. At least I wouldn’t scramble for words to say when I see him.

After a few days, nagkaroon ng announcement that next week was the scheduled Free Day. Free day is a day wherein students are asked to stay in school pero not to study, but to party. However, it is limited to per class lang. In a way, it aims to strengthen the bond of the class, know each other well. Tsaka para rin makapag-relax. Of course, kasama ng bawat klase maki-party ang class adviser nila.

Ayun na nga, dumating na yung araw na yun. Our class settled with a dance na may halong children’s party concept. I guess it’s just fun to goof around.

Naglaro kami ng longest line. Boys versus girls. Siyempre, namayagpag ang girl power. Nag-bring me din kami. Tapos trip to Jerusalem. Basta mga pang-bata. Ka-ek-ekan nga naman di ba? Pero masaya naman. Until finally, Paper dance was called, the twist is, dapat boy-girl. At pag niyaya ka, bawal umayaw.

I wasn’t really planning to join, pero dahil may nagyaya sakin, napasali ako nang wala sa oras at wala sa plano.

Somebody extended his hand to me. Hindi ko nga sure ibig sabihin nun eh.

“Sasali tayo sa paper dance?”

He  nodded.

“Sure ka, Vhin? Baka mabigatan ka sakin?”

“Oo, Kaya kita. Hindi kita ilalaglag, promise.”

“Ok sige. Sabi mo eh.”

So I stood up. Ewan ko kung bakit pero parang gulat na gulat yung mga kaklase ko nung tumayo ako. Tapos, naghiyawan sila. Tuksuhan. I know I blushed but I don’t want to let the people see that it affected me. Mamaya pag nag-react pa ako sabihin nila defensive ako or guilty.

Si Aljay nagyaya din ng ka-partner after he’d seen Vhin and me. I couldn’t remember who and I didn’t really mind at all. Bahala siya.

Ayun, nagsimula na yung game. I can feel like everybody’s watching me. Grabe. Yung adviser pa naming, lagi kaming pinpicturan. Why? Nga pala, I forgot to mention, our adiser handles the badminton varsity. Eh di ba nga badminton player si Vhin?

Anyway, nung una since malaki pa yung paper, no problem. Pero nung tumagal na, siyempre, lumiliit na.

1/2 of the newspaper: magkahawak lang kami ng kamay habang nasa loob ng newspaper. No worries, nagkakahawak naman kami ng kamay lagi eh.

1/4 of the newspaper: magkayakap na kami habang naktapak yung isa kong paa sa paa niya. Gaaa. I remember, nakalimutan ko maglagay ng deodorant! Dyahe! Dito nagsimula sumilip yung mga ibang classes sa room naming. Anga lakas ba naman ng hiyawan eh!

1/8 of the newspaper: kinarga na niya ako. As in parang yung sa newly-weds na pinapakita sa t.v. Yes! I’m not kidding. Nagulat ako kasi hindi naman ‘to yung position na pinaguusapan naming gawin eh kaso dahil hindi effective yung plan namin, bigla niya akong kinarga. Grabe. Eto, ang daming nag-picture. Dito rin, natanggal si Aljay at yung partner niya.

1/16 of the newspaper: isang paa na lang ni Vhin yung nasa paper. Super kinakabahan ako. Wala kaming maisip kung panung paraan gagawin namin. Tapos sabi na lang niya, sakay daw ako sa likod niya. Nung una ayaw ko. Duh. Isang paa na lang yung kasya dun sa paper, maya pag binaban niya ako, malaglag ako. I told him to quit, but he doesn’t like. Binuhat pa rin niya ako. I feel like a character sa Koreanovelas and Taiwanese romance movies. Kasi kapag nagbuhat ang boy ng girl, laging sa likod. Wala lang. Yun yung feeling ko eh. Bakit ba? Haha

At last, after that, kami na yung nanalo. Pawis na pawis kami ni Vhin. Grabe. Pero in fairness, Natuwa ako.

I fixed myself, and so did Vhin. Pagkatapos nun, nag-picture kaming dalawa ni Vhin as “Grand Class Pair.” O di ba, may title kaming dalawa..? hehe…

When I sat down, kinausap ako nina Jae at Cloud.

“Lakas ng hiyawan ah. May fans na kayo agad ni Vhin.”

“Adik ka talaga, Cloud. Bruha ka.”

“Hindi nga Nikz. I agree with Cloud. Panu ba naman hindi maghihiyawan, grabe, hindi mo na binitawan yung kamay ni Vhin eh. Pagkayaya niya sayo, hawak mo yung kamay niya. Nung sumasayaw kayo, hawak mo kamay niya. Hanggang magpapicture magkahawak kayo ng kamay. Buti naman kapag binubuhat ka niya, binitawan mo. Super para na kayong mag-on. Kung kami ni Lem yun, hindi ko kayang gawin yun.”

“Waah. Don’t be like that Jae. Close lang kami kaya wala na samin yun. Comfortable na kami sa isa’t isa.”

“Maybe you’re a little too close to each other. A bit too comfortable.”

“Oh gosh. Ganun ba yun?”

“You should’ve seen Aljay’s expression.”

Waah… Stop na Cloud. Wag mo na gatungan!

“Hindi na niya inalis yung tingin niya sa’yo. Kahit nung may ka-partner siyang iba, sa’yo pa rin siya nakatingin.”

Aww.

The Free day ended and as usual, kapag may nakita, may chismis. Ewan ko ba, eh ang alam naman ng mga taga-Campus na “kami” ni Vhin, bakit pa kailangan ng chismis di ba?

By the end of the day rin, I checked the different multiply and friendster accounts of those whom I know na may camera. Buti naman at nahiya yung iba, hindi pinost yung pictures namin ni Vhin. Pero may iba na sadyang makapal yung mukha, super post. So B-a-a-a-d.

Anyway, enough of that. Ano bang mapapala nila sa pagpopost?

Haist. Malapit na mag-end ang school year. After 3 months, iwanan na. As I look back, na-realize ko kung dami rin kadami yung mga pangyayari na gumulo sa buhay ko. May kalokohan pero merong seryoso.

“Haayyy…”

“Miss Saldivar, are you day dreaming again?”

“No Sir. I’m reflecting.”

“Fine. Then reflect after you answer the problem on the board.”

“Ohmigod.”

Patay kang bata ka. Geometry na may halong algebra yung problem sa board. Tapos out of no where, biglang dumaan si Aljay sa harap ko, suddenly holding my hand.

“What are—“

Before I could finish my sentence, nagsalita siya agad, intentionally cutting me off. He whispered,

“Relax ka lang. Ayan na yung sagot sa problem. Wag mo kasi akong iniisip masyado. Focus.”

“Kapal mo noh.”

Pagkalagpas niya sakin, he casually threw a paper in the trash bin. So ayun pala yun. Kunwari magtatapon siya ng paper sa trash bin. Yun pala, dadaan siya para bigyan ako ng paper na may sagot ng problem sa board. That way he could pass in front of me without being scolded by the teacher. Ayos din tong lalaking to eh.

“Miss Saldivar. I’m waiting for your answer.”

“Ai. Yes Sir.”

When I wrote on the board, madali na lang sakin kasi may copy naman ako ng solution, courtesy of Aljay. Buti na lang binigay niya sakin to. If not, I honestly cannot answer anything.

“Very good. The answer is correct. Sige na, mag-reflect ka na diyan.”

Siyempre tama yun, si Aljay nagsagot eh. Duh. Math Wizard.

After several minutes, nag-ring na yung bell. Break time. Thank God.

I looked for you know who, para magthank you pero hindi ko siya makita. Oh well, I’ll probably just write to him.

I played my iPod and decided that I want to go to the library hall. Hindi ko trip kumain kaya sa library na lang muna ako tatambay.

Papunta na sana ako dun eh, kaso may grupo ng freshmen na nagbigay sakin ng note.

“Ate, pakibasa naman po.”

“Ano to?”

“Hindi po namin alam eh. Basta basahin niyo na lang daw po sabi ng nagpapabigay.”

“Ah okay. Salamat.”

Now Playing on my iPod: Almost Paradise

I thought that dreams belonged to other men
‘Cause each time I got close, they’d fall apart again
I thought my heart would beat in secrecy
I faced the nights alone, oh how could I have known?
That all my life I only needed you

Woah, almost paradise
We’re knocking on heaven’s door
Almost paradise
How could we ask for more?
I swear that I could see forever in your eyes,
Paradise

It seems that perfect love’s so hard to find
I’d almost given up, you must have read my mind
And all these dreams I save for a rainy day
They’re finally coming true, I’ll share them all with you
‘Cause now we hold the future in our hands

woah, almost paradise
We’re knocking on heaven’s door
Almost paradise
How could we ask for more?
I swear that I could see forever in your eyes,
Paradise

And in your arms salvation’s not so far away
It’s getting closer, closer every day

Almost paradise
We’re knocking on heaven’s door
Almost paradise
How could we ask for more?
I swear that I could see forever in your eyes,
Paradise Paradise Paradise

When I opened the note, may nakasulat.
“Biology Lab.”

Ano kaya yun? Biology Lab? Huh?

Bio. Bio. Bio. Hayzzz. Bahala na. Pupunta na lang ako sa Biology Lab. Baka may madiscover ako dun.

Pagkapunta ko sa Biology Lab. May note.

Nikz,
Alam na namin ni Jae na nagkukunwari lang kayo ni Vhin. Cloud told us before the Free day. I admire the three of you for being able to cope up with that kind of plan. However, sa huli, hindi to tulad ng dissection na pwedeng patulugin yung palaka para hindi niya maramdaman yung sakit. May masasaktan talaga pero may dahilan ka kaya mo gagawin yun. Parte yan ng buhay.
\m/ Lem \m/
**Gymnasium**

I guess this means I need to go to the gymnasium.

I walked to the schhol gym thinking so much of what had happened. Alam nap ala nila. Kaya pala ganun yung mga sinabi ni Cloud at Jae, para kaming mag-on. Set up ba to ng barkada?

May note ulit.

Nicole, Nikki, Nikz…
Alam kong gusto ka niya, at gusto ka rin ng isa pa, ang tanong: sinong gusto mo sa kanila? Pag-isipan mo mabuti. Kasi hindi pwedeng lagi ka lang shoot ng shoot. Dapat may timing. Dapat tinatantiya mo. Wag padalos dalos.
T_T   
Nga pla, paxencia na. Dito sa Gym na to, tinamaan kita ng bola sa mukha. Hehe
Dale
**Classroom**

Sa Classroom na. Pamatay na tanong. Sino nga bang gusto ko sa kanilang dalawa? Alam ko naman yung sagot eh. Hindi ko lang siguro kayang aminin sa sarili ko kasi ayaw kong may masaktan.

May note na naman. I guess bawat stop may note talaga.

Nikz,
Pareho sila importante sa’yo di ba? Mahirap talaga pero we know na ikaw lang ang makakasagot sa tanong na yan. Choose one or you might end up losing both. It wouldn’t be selfish to choose either. Dito sa desisyon mo, hindi na puro talino. You wouldn’t be using the academics that you had learned in the four corners of this classroom. Dito, pati puso mo, gagamitin mo. Follow both your head and heart. Basta, gawin mo ang tama. Go girl. Kaya mo yan
+..Sisz Jae..+
**Canteen**

Choose one or lose both. Choose or lose. Does it really have to be this way? Wouldn’t I be cruel if I’d be rejecting one of them. A female dilemma.

Eto sa canteen, sa table namin may note. So ganun nga, every stop may note.

Nikki,
If not for me, things wouldn’t be like this. I’ll assume you know my purpose for setting you up with a plan; for twisting love life’s plot. Pero kahit na ganun, sa huli hindi naman ako yung magdedecide. Na sa iyo pa rin yun. Sana maisip mo na sa huli, ano man ang mangyari, dito sa table na ‘to, laging buo ang barkada, anuman yung piliin mo. Punta na sa sunod na stop, bruha.
*\*|CloUd|*/*
**Likod ng Gym**

Sa Library na. Barkada. Si Lem, si Dale, si Jae ant Cloud. Dalawa na lang, si Arvhin at si Aljay. Sino yung may sunod na note sa likod ng Gym?

Now Playing on my iPod: Sober

And I don’t know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing’s real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I’ve been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me…

Nikz,
I don’t know if you remember pero dito sa likod ng Gym, dito tayo unang nagplano kung pano tayo lulusot sa mga tanong na haharapin natin bilang kunwaring “mag-on.” You didn’t notice but I actually like you. I know you didn’t like me the way you like Aljay that’s why I took Cloud’s plan seriously. There were times when I wished you were mine but I didn’t want that to happen because I know you’ll be happier with the one you really like. So now, I’m letting you go. Thank you for the times we’ve spent together. Hopefully, we wouldn’t lose the friendship that we had.I would also like to tell you na I’ll be going abroad forcollege. May na-open na opportunity dahil sa pagiging Badminton player ko. Sana, sa remaining days ko dito sa Pilipinas, maayos natin lahat.
I love you… friend
~Arvhin~

“Vhin…”

As I said his name, unti unting pumatak yung luha ko. Hindi ko alam pano niya nakayang itago yung nararamdaman niya. Ang laking opportunity na sana yung pagkukunwaring “kami” para agawin niya ako sa bestfriend niya, pero hindi niya ginawa. Nevertheless, I know how hard it is to pretend. Nangyari din sakin noon yun kay Jaelyn at Aljay.

“I love you too… friend. Hayzz… eto lang ba yun? Kaya nila to ginawa para sa huli malaman kong aalis si Vhin? ”

I can’t help but notice, may isa pa palang note.

**Auditorium**

Naglakad ako… nakayuko. Hindi ko alam kung anung mangyayari. Anung kahahantungan ng lahat.

When I went to the auditorium, I used the front door. May note na nakalagay. Nakasulat na gamitin ko daw yung door papuntang backstage. And so I did.

Pagbukas ko ng pinto sa backstage, may rose petals sa floor. Sinundan ko yun… nung nawala yung rose petals, may bouquet just before entering the stage. I looked at it and saw my name. Kinuha ko yun and I went on going to the stage.

There, Aljay played the guitar and sang.

Today is a winding road
Thats taking me to places that I didnt want to go, whoa
Today in the blink of an eye
Im holding on to something and I do not know why I tried

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation; what Im feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe theres a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know youre unlike any other?
Youll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I dont wanna ever love another
Youll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Today is a winding road
Tell me where to start and tell me something I dont know, whoa
Today Im on my own
I cant move a muscle and I cant pick up the phone, I dont know

And now I’m itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside, just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe theres a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know youre unlike any other?
Youll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I dont wanna ever love another
Youll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

After that, he stood up and held my hand.

“I’m sorry that I’ve been so numb. I want you to know I’ll be here. Share with me you joy, and even your pain.”

With that, I hugged him.

“Didn’t I say before that I’ll save the best for last?”
The only thing I can think of was now, nagawa na niya yung promise niya. He did save his last hug for the best. He did gave his best for the last. That was, for me.

My feelings… so complicated yet so true; unique but pure. This is truly… a deviant love.

 

“Night Walks”
Started: 4-22-2008
Finished: 5-20-2008

It’s funny how everything started. I didn’t even had the slightest idea that I’d fall for someone like him. He was just so… not my type. Hindi ko rin sure kung kailan ko siya sinimulang magustuhan, at lalong hindi ko sure kung saan yung patutunguhan namin.

—-

“Bermillez, labanan mo yan. Natutulog ka na naman!” a sudden segue of our Biology teacher.

Hay,’eto na naman. Natutulog na naman tong si Lem. Kailan ba to hindi inantok sa klase? I don’t understand bakit inaantok siya tuwing Bio, eh magaling naman magturo ‘yung teacher namin. She’s not boring.

“Jaelyn, kindly answer the monohybrid and dihybrid crosses on the board.”

I immediately stood up and answered. Biology was my forte, and genetics was my favorite topic. Sisiw lang sakin ‘o.

“Mr. Bermillez, can you explain the crosses that Jaelyn made on the board.”

“Uhmm… si Jaelyn naman po ‘yung sumagot, might as well let her explain.”

“In short, Mr. Lem Bermillez, you don’t know how to answer it. I hope this would be the last time I’ll catch you sleeping in my class”

“Yes Miss.”

Same. Same. Same. Lagi naman niyang sinasabing hindi na siya matutulog sa klase pero natutulog pa rin siya. Ano ba naman yan.

*Riiing*

“I’ll see you, class, tomorrow. Don’t forget your assignment on Non-Mendelian genetics. Class dismissed.”

Last period of the day. Home Room na lang, uuwi na kami. I stood up to go to my locker. Apparently, nandun din si Lem. Lem Bermillez, certified heartthrob. He’s actually nice, occasionally nag-uusap kami pero we’re not close. We live in the same village, actually magkalapit lang yung street namin pero ewan, I just don’t hang out with him that much. Plus the fact na barkada niya yung “first love” ko na nag-end tragically, the more reason na hindi ako nakikipag-close sa kanya. Hmm, cute siya, mabait and definitely mysterious type.

“Kainis naman. Hindi ko talaga makuha yang genetics na yan eh.” Akala ko kung sinong kausap niya, I looked around and noticing na kami lang palang dalawa yung nasa lockers, I responded.

“Kasi naman Lem, natutulog ka kaya hindi mo makuha.”

“Siguro nga kasi natutulog ako.”

“Try mong makinig para hindi ka antukin. Biology isn’t that boring you know.”

“I’ll try. Nga pala, Jaelyn…”

“Yup?”

“Sabay na tayo umuwi mamaya?”

“Uhmm… may meeting ako ngayon eh. Baka gabihin ako.”

“Ah ganun ba. Di bale, okay lang. I’ll –

“Jaelyn Shen! We need you!”

“Tinatawag na ako, I better get going. Bye!”

—-

Around 7:30p.m na nung natapos yung meeting.  I was walking home when something familiar…

I was walking home when something familiar caught my eyes.  Something? Or I should probably say, someone familiar was standing outside and seems to be waiting for me. I squint my eyes to see who it was. There, si Lem yun. Napaisip ako. Contradicting statements flooded my mind.

Sinong hinihintay ni Lem? Probably some girl or barkada.

Teka, ako yung huling lumabas after ng meeting. Ako na lang yung student. Ako ba yung hinihintay niya?

Pwedeng ako pero… hindi eh. Sabi nila may nililgawan siya currently.

Whaat? Kung sinusundo niya ako tapos may nililigawan siya, so chick boy siya?

OMG! 2-timer si Lem? My gosh I didn’t…

“Jaelyn. Nandito ka pa pala?”

“Uhm… yeah obviously. Nabanggit ko kanina na gagabihin ako di ba? Gabi na ah, ikaw, bakit nandito ka pa?”

“Wala, napadaan lang, pauwi na kasi ako kakatapos lang naming mag-DOTA ng mga kaibigan ko.”

“DOTA?”

“Yup. DOTA, It’s a computer game.”

As expected, computer games. Mga lalaki talaga, whatever the age, they like these computer games. However, mas madalas students yung mahilig sa ganyan. At as expected din, hindi ko alam anong DOTA na naman to. Kawawa naman ako, walang alam sa makabagong teknolohiya at sa kasalukuyang henerasyon. These things sometimes make me feel dumb, you know?

“Jae, Sabay na tayo umuwi.”

“Sure.”

Walking distance lang from our school to our village. Sabay kaming naglakad ni Lem. Let me get things straight. I don’t like Lem. That’s it, and besides, may niligawan siya.

“Lagi ka bang ginagabi?”

“Di naman lagi pero madalas. Student Government meetings, it’s a must. Ayoko ng ginagabi ako eh but I can’t help it.”

“Sa bagay, Student Government officer, what do you expect. Pero babae ka, delikado pag gabi. Got any curfew?”

“Wala. Wala akong curfew pero ayoko ng ginagabi. I just don’t think girls should stay outside the house on late nights.”

“Wow, ang bait mo naman. No curfew and yet you don’t stay out at nights.”

“Go ahead. Make fun of me. Alam ko namang makaluma ako. I’m probably too conservative. I mean, girls today, kahit inuumaga na sa kung saan, ok lang, but me, I am someone you’d consider as “goody-goody.” Kaya fine, tawanan mo ako.”

Smile. Lem smiled. Ano yun? Bakit siya ngumiti? What the hell. I don’t even like his smile, parang may hidden agenda.

“Why are you smiling?”

“Wala naman. You’re conservative and I think that’s cute.”

“Cute? Ewan ko sa’yo.”

“Eto na.”

“Ha?”

“Eto yung bahay ninyo di ba?”

“Ah oo. Thanks for walking me home.”

“Wala yun. I enjoyed it.”

“Ingat pauwi.”

—-

I’m in my room and I can’t sleep. That’s odd. Usually dahil sa pagod mabilis akong nakakatulog.

Lem Bermillez. Did you purposely wait for me? Why did you walk me home? Is that a way para makipagkaibigan sakin o may iba pang meaning? I’m cute. What do you mean cute? Are you flirting with me?

“Aaahhhh!” I shouted with my pillow covering my face. Mamaya marinig pa ako nina Mama, lagot ako.

Moreover, alam kong iisa lang yung village natin, magkalapit yung street natin, pero hindi tayo close. Hindi ka pa nakakarating sa bahay namin…

“So paano mo nalaman yung exact location ng bahay namin?”

Time Check: 9:30 P.M

My goodness, hindi ako makatulog. Pati MP3, hindi ako mapatulog. Buti na lang walang pasok bukas. Sanay ako sa puyatan pero this night, I am dying to get some sleep, which I can’t get. Anu ba yan, tunog ng tunog tong CP na to. Oo nga pala, Friday, kaya maraming super text. Na-flood na ako ng mga GM.

—-

“Ma, labas lang po ako.”

“San ka pupunta anak?”

“Papaload lang po kina Kuya Edward.”

Walking. I was walking lost with my thoughts. I don’t even exactly know what I’m thinking. Basta ang daming pumapasok sa isip ko. Ai, nandito na pala ako kina Kuya Edward.

“Good evening Kuya.”

“Ui Jaelyn. Good evening din. Gabi na lumabas ka pa ng bahay.”

“Oo nga po eh. Pa-load naman po.”

“Mukhang inutusan ka na naman ng ate mo na magpa-load ah. Sa number ba ni Ate Faye mo?”

“Ai hindi po Kuya, sa number ko po, yung Globe. 25. Pang-unli lang ngayong gabi”

“Himala yan. Kailan ka pa natutong gamitin ang cellphone mong maganda? MP3 lang ginagamit mo sa cellphone mo di ba? haha…”

“Hindi po kasi ako makatulog, eh maraming nagtetext kaya magpapaload na lang ako. Text na lang muna”

“Ganun ba. O ayan, na-send ko na.”

“Salamat Kuya Edward.”

“Walang problema. Ikaw pa. Ingat ka pauwi ha. Ayan na sundo mo, hinihintay ka.”

“Hindi Kuya, ako lang uuwi mag-isa. Sino pong sundo yung sinasabi ninyo? Ikaw Kuya ha, niloloko mo ako”

“Ayan kaya sa may kanto. Yung kapareho mo ng T-shirt. Sige na, umuwi ka na.”

Paglingon ko, meron nga akong kapareho ng T-shirt. Naka-Team Building T-shirt din siya. It means ka-batch ko siya.

“Sino bang…”

Naputol. Yeah. Medyo na-tameme nga ako, because the guy who is wearing the same T-shirt as mine smiled. So ano naman kung nag-smile siya. No big deal naman. Not.

It was a big deal because I know exactly whose smile that belongs to, and that’s the person I least expected to see. Lem.

Si Lem talaga. Why twice this night? Ano ba to?

“Hi Jae!”

“O Bermillez, bakit nandito ka?”

“Ang sungit mo naman. Kinausap kaya kita just a few minutes ago.”

“Kinausap ka diyan. Mukha mo noh.”

Okay. Fine. Masungit nga ako. I’m too harsh and I admit that. Ni hindi ko nga rin sure bakit eh. Siguro dahil marami nga akong iniisip ngayon and wrong timing siya.

“Galing ako kina Kuya Edward, nagpa-load din ako. Ikaw, papunta ka pa lang kanina. Nag-hi ako pero dinedma mo ako. Lalim ng iniisip mo eh.”

“Yup. Sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“Okay lang yun. Bad mood ka lang. Naistorbo siguro kita. Wrong timing.”

“Hindi uhm, okay lang. okay lang talaga. Ako yung hindi okay. Urgh, ang gulo ko.”

“Haha… You’re really cute you know?”

Before I knew it, naglalakad na naman kami pauwi. Hinahatid na naman niya ako. What was going on between the two of us? Maybe I’m overreacting. Eh ano naman ba? Hinahatid lang niya ako. He’s just trying to be polite so he’s sending a girl home. No more. No less. Yun nga lang ba?

Well at least I managed to continue talking to him without showing him that I was thinking lots of stuff in my mind.

“Thanks. For the second time this night.”

“Sure. No prob. Uhm, Pwede bang makuha yung number mo?”

“You know what Lem, I really appreciate that you walked me home but I don’t give my number easily. Go, shoo. goodnight.”

Tumawa lang siya. Weirdo. Simungitan na nga tumawa pa. Whatever kuya.

—-

Urgh. Ewan ko ba. What was he thinking to be saying that to me? Andiyan na naman yung you’re cute line niya at ngayon hinihingi pa niya yung number ko.

*28 messages received*

Ano ba yan. Ang tindi magtext. Parang 15 minutes ago kakacheck ko lang ng inbox ko tapos ngayon 28 messages na. Kumusta naman ang mga addict sa text?

{now playing: tigerlily – matchbook romance}
quite unxpected ryt? E2 nakki-gm lng dn xe d aq mak2log.
In fairness an tiyaga nu mgtxt ah. Nalunod na ako. ahaha
Aun. Txt txt na lang.
-::-jae shen-::-
–gm–

Ganun na nga. Nakitext mania na lang ako. Maraming nagreply pero hindi ko sila nireplyan. Fine. Fine. Para akong baliw. Nag-GM kasi naghahanap ng katext, maraming nagreply pero di ko na nireplyan. Parang durog lang eh. Marami akong alam na numbers ng students sa school kasi I need all the contacts I’ll be needing for different activities. Pero kung just for fun kaya ako magtetext, asa pa sila. Once in a blue moon lang yan. Bihira lang. Sobra. Ang abno ko talaga noh? Tsk tsk.

Kinuha ko yung libro ni Papa. “Cold Fire” by Dean Koontz. Yes, I’m a bookworm and this is my only way of coping with stress or making my self sleepy. Ang ganda na nga basa ko eh kaso biglang nagvibrate yung cellphone ko.

*1 message received*
Sender: –number not registered in your phone book–
-Maganda ba yung may-ari ng CP n 2?-

“Nakakaloko naman tong nagtext nito. Ano ba naman. Mas durog pa ata sakin to eh. Lakas ng trip. Bahala ka nga diyan, di naman kita kilala.”

*5 messages received*
Sender: –number not registered in your phone book–
-Di man lng ngreply. Either busy ka or u r ignoring my msg. di bale u r stil beautiful 4 me.-

Argh. Kainis to ah. Ito rin yung nagtext kanina. Ngayon limang messages, pare-pareho. No questions asked, durog nga to. Normally wala lang sakin kapag may nagtext ng ganito pero this one, there’s something. It’s particularly disturbing. Basta, I’m very intuitive when it comes to these stuffs and there is something fishy with this message.

REPLY
-Cnu po 2? Xncia n bka wrong send k. Ds is Jaelyn Shen’s number.-

I was trying so hard to be polite kahit na medyo naiirita ako. Whew. Cool lang Jae. I saved the number with the name “Nakakainis 2”

*1 message received*
Sender: Nakakainis 2
-Wow. Nagreply… No, d aq wrong send. D msg ws 4 u.-

“Waaaahhhhh!!!”

Sumigaw na naman ako sa may unan.

“Mamatay ka na!!!”

Sinuntok ko yung teddy bear ko tapos gumulong sa kama. Ganito talga ako. Hindi na to nakakapanibago. Kumatok si Mama sa pinto sabay sabi,

“Jae! Anong problema?”

“Ma, ah, wala po…”

“Anak ah. Napaparanoid ka na naman.”

“Ahehe, oo nga po eh. Sorry po.”

Hay… Sanay na yung pamilya ko sakin. I mean sa school, I may appear cool and sassy but believe me, grabe, ang paranoid ko.

*1 message received*
Sender: Nakakainis 2
-Oi, pahinga ka na. Alam ko pagod ka sa meetings mo. MWF ang Student Government. TTH sa school paper. Geh na, u dserve some rest. Gudnyt Sleeping Beauty. -

Bakit alam nito yung schedule ko? Ang weird.

“Mamatay ka na talaga! Yaaahhh!”

*boogsh*

“Aww god, ako ata mamamatay dito eh.”

Nalaglag ako sa kama. Kakagulong sa kama, nalaglag. And this isn’t the first time. At sa pagkakalaglag ko, andun na lang ako. Nakatulala. Nakatulala sa ceiling.

“Sino ka ba at kailangan kong maparanoid?”

Saturday and Sunday had passed by swiftly pero di ko pa rin nakalimutan yung message. At last Monday came, Monday distracted me ang took my thoughts away from the weird texter, “Nakakainis 2.”

—-

Every Monday, Christian Living ang first period namin. I like our teacher kasi kahit na our topic is about religion and a lot of teens our age find God boring, she can make every student interested in her subject. Parang magic nga eh, with a snap, our class find God not only as “God” but also as a friend.

Pero while waiting for the teacher, I was doodling my to –do list for the day, at ayun na nga, dumating yung teacher namin. She was explaing our project when she stopped. Eh pano ba naman may nagsuper-enter ng class.

I checked my watched. Oopss… 10 minutes late. Kung ayos ang mood ni Miss, she’ll let this pass, pero kung mainit ang ulo niya, patay kang bata ka. Tingin ko naman kilala niyo na kung sinong late…

“Lem, Good morning!”

“Good morning Miss.”

Ai may gulay. Walking distance lang ang bahay natin tapos nalate ka pa. It’s not at all surprising. Ganyan talaga siya. Laging late.

“You know that I don’t tolerate tardiness, right?”

“Yes Miss.”

“I need you to report to the Dean’s office.”

Hay… Kawawa naman si Lem. Compared sa barkada niya, siya na yung pinakamabait. And in case I haven’t mentioned yet, bad boy group and barkada nito. Well, if you know them, mababait naman sila but they really got a bad reputation when it comes to violations and demerits. Siga kasi eh tapos marami pang mga ka-ek-ekan sa buhay. Marami silang navaviolate sa Code of Conduct ng School. Ayan tuloy.

Pero in fairness, si Lem, nagkakaviolation lang dahil sa tardiness, sa behavioral record, okay naman siya. Ni wala nga siyang record ng pakikipag-away eh. I guess that is why he kind of stands out from his barkada… and why girls love him so much.

After a few minutes, our teacher grouped us for a project. Our project is a documentary about poor people and their faith in God.

”Jaelyn, Cloud, Nikki, Aljay, group 3 kayo. Jaelyn, lead the group.”

“Yes Miss.”

Super ngiti si Cloud at Nikki sakin. Siyempre naman I’m with my bestfriends kaya ang saya namin. Pinasahan ako ng note ni Nikki.

“Ka-group natin si Aljay! Can you believe it? Ang swerte mo, girl!”

Aww. Yes. Ang swerte ko nga. Ahahahahayyyy… Si Aljay Lim, Filipino-Chinese. My super crush. I mean crush ko talaga. Ang talino niya kasi eh. Not only that, ang smooth niya maglaro ng Basketball. Parang walang effort pero swak lagi yung tira. Shoot. He’s got a great sense of humor too. Others say medyo green siya mag-joke minsan. Oo nga siguro pero when it comes to me, he never gives green jokes.

We were planning already when our teacher suddenly interrupted.

“Jaelyn, kindly take care of Lem. I’ll assign him in your group.”

Whaaaatt??!!

“Okay miss.”

Smile lang Jae. Cool it. Nakangiti ako pero I wanted to shout. Ewan ko kung bakit pero feeling ko something wouldn’t be alright kung nandito siya sa grupo namin. A few mintues of chatting then pumunta ako kay Aljay.

“Can I get you number?”

“Interested in me? Haha…”

Wah, loko kang Aljay ka ah. Presko, pasalamat ka crush kita.

“I’m probably interested in you or probably kailangan ko lang talaga ng number mo para sa project.”

“Ouch. That’s harsh.”

OMG. Nakakatunaw yung smile niya.

“Just give me your digits. Mahirap gumawa ng project ng walang communication.”

“You’re going to have to please me for that.”

“Well I guess I would just be using my contacts.”

Well that wasn’t so bad for a conversation. Pero parang iba, Parang ang hangin niya. Lumayo na ako then pumunta kay Cloud.

“Cloud, Aljay wouldn’t give me his number.”

“Don’t worry Jae, I have his number. Bigay ko na lang sayo.”

“Thanks girl”

A few moments after, pumasok na si Lem ng room from the Dean’s office.

“Hi Lem. Uhmm, ka-group kita sa project so I guess we’d be working more. We have a month to work on this.”

“Ah okay.”

Whoah. That was cold. What’s gotten into him? Parang nung Friday lang, hinatid niya pa ako sa bahay tapos ngayon ni hindi man lang niya ako mabigyan ng ngiti.

“Are you okay?”

“Oo, Ok lang ako.”

He smiled. Pero this time, pilit lang yung ngiti niya. What happened? Why is he ice-cold?

What’s gotten into Lem? May nangyari ba sa Dean’s Office? Why am I worried about him?

Bigla akong pinasahan ng note ng seatmate ko. A note from Aljay. He gave his number. Then there was a note written below his number:

“Text me anytime. I’m here even when it’s not regarding the project. -Aljay”

Kung iba, kilig na kilig na siguro kapag binigyan ng note ng crush niya pero bakit parang wala lang sakin to?

After a while, si Cloud naman nagpasa ng note sakin.

“Girl, ano ba naman tong seatmate ko. He’s so quiet. Wala siyang imik. Then, kanina bigla niyang tinanong kung anong meron sa inyo ni Aljay. -Cloud”

Seatmate? I took a glance at Cloud’s seat, si Lem yung katabi niya. I didn’t know why but parang iba talaga yung aura niya ngayon. Something must’ve happened.

“Jaelyn!”

“Ah. Yes?”

“Please focus. This is unusual but your thoughts are drifting away from this room.”

“I’m sorry Miss.”

Hay, kakaalala ko dahil wala si Lem sa sarili niya, hindi ko napansin na pati ako wala na rin sa sarili ko. This is so unexpected from me.

I managed to survive the day even with giving minimal attention. I’m relieved that our meeting was cancelled. Kung hindi, nakakahiya sa co-officers ko. With nothing to do, I went home.

After a few steps, nagsimulang umambon, at umulan na. Buti na lang may payong ako. I decided to walk. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit, pwede naman akong mag-trycicle pero mas pinili kong maglakad with my head down. Well, I like the rain. Somehow it made me relax a little with this unfocused day.

I sighed without knowing the reason. At nung tumingala ako, nakita ko siya. Mag-isa sa ulan. Walang payong. Pero parang sinadya niyang magpaulan.

“Lem, wala kang payong. Mag-trycicle ka na.”

“No need.”

“Magkakasakit ka.”

“Okay lang.”

“Okay lang? Ano ka ba? Here, take my umbrella.”

“Jae, Hindi ko kailangan. And pag binigay mo sakin yung payong mo, ikaw yung mababasa.”

“Malapit na lang yung street namin. I’m going to be fine. Bakit ka ba nagpapaulan?”

“Basta.”

“Well I don’t know your reason and I don’t know how long you’re going to stay out here. Take my umbrella.”

With those words, alam kong tatanggi siya kaya tumakbo na ako. Pagdating sa street namin, I looked back at him and smiled.

Unexpectedly, he smiled. Lem’s genuine smile. Hindi yung smile na may hidden agenda at hindi yung smile na pilit.

Basa ako paguwi ko sa bahay pero ayos lang sakin.

That night, before I sleep, tumunog yung cellphone ko.

*1 message received*
Sender: Nakakainis 2
-Salamat sa payong… and thanks for showing that you care.-

“Lem… Hay…”

“Nakakainis 2” is Lem…

Then, I changed his name from “Nakakainis 2” to “Raindrops”

Hindi ko sure bakit yun yung nilagay ko when I usually put the whole name in my phone book. Siguro kasi may hang-over pa ako sa nangyari kanina. I read his message again and smiled. Tapos, nagreply na ako.

REPLY
-No problem. I’ve always cared.-

Send.

I closed my eyes for a few minutes then checked my sent items.

Recipient: “Raindrops”
-No problem. I’ve always cared.-

Nakangiti pa ako eh tapos biglang nanlaki yung mata ko. Para akong biglang nagising sa mahimbing na tulog.

“Aaahhh!”

Ano tong sinend ko? What did I do? Wala ako sa sarili ko. Bakit ganon yung respond ko sa kanya? Hindi kaya…

Lumalabas ang totoong nararamdaman kapag wala sa sarili?

Retrieve! Retrieve! Retrieve! Waaah! Pano ko babawiin yung sinend ko?

Nakita kong dumaan yung ate ko, papunta sa room niya.

“Ate Faye!!!”

“What?!”

Nyak. Nabulabog ko ata siya. Eh bakit ba? Emergency to! Kulang na lang dumating yung ambulansya.

“Ate! Pano ko mababawi yung text na na-send ko?”

“Duh! May lagnat ka ba? Na-send mo na tapos makukuha mo ulit. Mag-isip ka nga.”

“Kailangan ko mabawi yung text ko! Help…”

“Hay. Alam mo kahit awayin mo yang cellphone mo o magdemand ka sa Globe, hindi mo mababawi yung text mo. The person whom you sent the message to is probably reading your text right now. Pero, pwede mo namang bawiin yung sinabi mo.”

Oo nga noh. Ang shonga-shonga ko talaga. I couldn’t retrieve my message, but I can take back what I said.

“Ahaha, I love sis! Thank you!”

Super takbo ako sa kwarto ko. Ang talino talaga ng ate ko. I texted Lem.

Send.

“Sana maniwala siyang wrong send lang yung text ko.”

—

Lem’s POV

*1 message received*
Sender: Jae Shen
-sori wrong send knina. uhmm, yah, xur, ok lng un. balik mo na lang ung payong pag my tym k.-

Hay. Akala ko pa naman yun na yun. Akala ko gusto mo na ako. Wrong send pala. Wrong send nga ba?

Nung unang hatid ko sayo last Friday, I really waited for you. Kunwari lang yung DOTA stuff na sinabi ko. Ang totoo ang tagal kitang hinintay at nawawalan na ako ng pagasa na lalabas ka pa nun. Sa isip ko, baka di ko napansin, lumabas ka na o di kaya iniwasan mo ako. Pero nung anino mo pa lang nakita ko, masaya na ako kasi may chance na na maihatid kita.

You’re exceptional. You’re not like the girls I know. I’ve never even been interested in anybody until I noticed you.

Nung naglalakad ka para magpaload at binati kita pero hindi mo ako pinansin dahil marami kang iniisip, sobrang nagaalala ako sayo nun. Sana umayos yung pakiramdam mo nung nakausap mo ako.

Pagkagaling ko sa Dean’s office kanina, nakita kong kinausap mo si Aljay. Alam kong wala akong karapatan pero hindi ko mapigilang magisip kung anong meron sa inyong dalawa. Tapos wala ka pa sa sarili mo kanina, naisip ko tuloy baka iniisip mo si Aljay. Nabad-trip ako nang sobra-sobra.

Kaya ako nagpaulan para matauhan ako. Para maisip ko na wala akong karapatang kuwestyunin kung anong meron sa inyo ni Aljay at lalong wala akong karapatang magselos. Pero nakita mo akong nagpapaulan. Habang nagsasalita ka, gusto kong maniwalang nag-aalala ka para sakin. Gusto kong maniwalang kahit kaunti, may gusto ka na rin sakin.

“Lemuel! Telepono!”

“Ma, please don’t call me by my first name. Alam mo naman pong ayoko ng “Lemuel” eh.”

“Well, I like your name so I’ll call you by that, okay?”

“Hay, ano pa nga po bang magagawa ko? Sino po palang nasa telepono?”

“Jae… Jae something.”

“Jaelyn?”

“Yes! Exactly hijo, Jaelyn!”

Si Jaelyn… tumawag? Bakit?

“Hello, si Lem na to.”

“Hey Lem.”

This voice. Is this really her? Is it really Jae? Parang it’s too good to be true.

Kalma lang Lem. Wag mong parinig na kinakabahan ka. Dapat hindi mahalata sa boses mo na nagulat ka.

“J… Jae?”

“Gotcha! Haha”

“No way! Cloud!”

“Haha… I really got you by that, right? Hay naku Lem!”

“Cloud, never do that to me. Ikaw talaga.”

Eto talagang si Cloud. Nayari pa ako. Although bestfriend siya ni Jaelyn and she could easily blurt out my secrets to her, tinago niya lang yun. Tinago niya lahat, lalo na yung pinakamahalagang sikreto ko, na gusto ko na si Jae. Siguro nakuha ko na rin yung tiwala niya. Ilang taon na rin kasi kaming magkaklase at madalas seatmates kami, just like this year.

“Okay fine, I’m sorry. I just called kasi pinakiusapan ako ni Jae.”

“Pinakiusapan? Bakit? Why not let her call me?”

“Ehem ehem. Why? Well, that’s a secret. Friends tayo but my loyalty still remains with Jae. Anyway, it’s about our project in Christian living, the documentary.”

“Ah okay.”

“She asked kung pwede bang yung video cam ninyo yung gamitin.”

“Sure. Walang problema.”

“Dalhin mo sa Saturday, start na tayo. 8a.m. sa bahay nina Jae, planning muna then ready to action na.”

“Okay, I’ll be there. Yun lang ba?”

“And uhm… ano pa ba? Ah, oo nga pala, Jae said take care of yourself. Wag ka daw magkakasakit.”

“Are you playing with me again? Why would she say that?”

“Kung ayaw mo maniwala, di wag. Kasi naman noh kapag nagkasakit ka wala kaming video cam and mababawasan yung grade mo sa member’s participation. You know Jae hates it nang mataas yung grade niya tapos yung members niya mababa.”

“Ah, yun lang pala yun.”

“You were expecting more, weren’t you? Haha… couldn’t blame you. Sige, bye.”

“Thanks Cloud. Bye.”

Sa Saturday, ano kayang mangyayari?

*Alarm ring 5:00a.m*

“Aww, ang aga… 5a.m”

Teka, ano nga bang sabi ni Cloud? What time? Tsk tsk, hindi ko matandaan. 7a.m. ata sabi niya. 2 hours to prepare. Kaya ko to.

By 6:20 I’m ready to go to Jaelyn’s House. Buti na lang maaaga ako, kundi lagot ako kapag na-late.

—

Jaelyn’s POV

*Alarm ring 6:00a.m*

Need to prepare. Call time, 8:00a.m. Dapat before 7:30 tapos na ako.

“G’ Morning Ate Faye.”

“Hey, good morning. Wala si Mama, umuwi muna ng probinsiya and si Papa still on his business trip. May lakad ako ngayon so the house is yours. I’ll be back around 7p.m. Nagsaing na ako and binabad ko na yung chicken para matunaw yung yelo. May instructions sa may ref kung pano mo lulutuin, okay?”

Hay, si sister talaga. Medyo tamad lang yan and masungit pero maalalahanin naman. Sa mga ganitong pagkakataon lumalabas yung pagiging ate niya.

“Got it. Sige na, baka ma-late ka, liligo na ako.”

“Sure. I’ll just get some of my stuff then I’ll go ahead.”

Ako lang mag-isa dito sa bahay. Sana mamanage ko yung mga classmates ko.

Mga 5 minutes na ako sa banyo when my sister called out,

“Jae alis na ako. Mag-breakfast ka pagkaligo mo.”

She paused for a while then called out again.

“Oi babae! Bilisan mo na, may isa ka nang kaklase dito. Nandito na si…”

What? Sino daw? Hindi ko narinig dahil sa shower. Ang aga naman. Sino naman yung nandiyan na? Ah, baka sa Cloud. Lagi namang maaga yun eh. Comfortable na rin siya dito sa bahay, suki ata yan. Haha…

I spent 10 more minutes maligo. Minadali ko yan kasi nakakahiya kay Cloud. After I took a bath, nagsuot lang ako ng bathrobe tapos bumaba na just to say hi to Cloud bago ako magbihis. No biggie, ilang beses na niya akong nakitang nakabathrobe lang. Sabi ko nga, suki na siya dito sa bahay eh.

When, I went down super madali pa ako.

“Cloud! Sorry matagal ako, nali—“

Lumingon yung kaklase ko na nasa sala.

“Oh my Gosh…”

Why? Oh God… Kill me!

God? Tulog ka po ba? I said kill me na po. Wala na po akong natitirang kahihiyan.

Pagkalingon ng kaklase ko, sabay sa panlalaki ng mata niya, nanlaki din yung mata ko. Tapos tumalikod na siya ulit.

“Uhmm, pinapasok na kasi ako ng ate mo kanina. Sorry. Hindi ko naman alam na bababa ka nang naka—“

“Magbibihis lang ako, mamaya na natin to pag-usapan.”

Umakyat ako sa kwarto ko and I swear my face was all red nung pag-akyat ko, yet I swear as well that his face was all red when he saw me. Huhu… bakit sa lahat ng tao lalaki pa ang nakakita sakin. At sa lahat ng pwedeng makakita si Lem pa. Teka, naka-bath robe naman ako ah. Wala naman siyang nakita for sure. At least may cover naman. Wala nga ba siyang nakita? Argh!!!

“Lord! Kill me na nga eh! Wala na akong kahihiyan!”

Lem called up, “Jae? Okay ka lang?”

Naku… narinig ata ni Lem. Napalakas pa yung sigaw ko. Pahiya na naman. Una nakita akong nakabath-robe. Strike1. Tapos eto pa narinig akong sumigaw, strike 2. Wag na sana mag-strike 3.

“Ah? Ha? Ah, oo, okay lang.”

Lord… wala na talaga akong kahihiyan.

Mabilis akong nagbihis pero pagbaba ko, kahit na napahiya ako, I knew I needed to regain my poise. Kaya eto super kalma. And mukhang effective naman. I went directly to the kitchen. I was preparing my food when I remembered, may kasama nga pala ako. I need to prepare breakfast for two. Nakakahiya naman kung ako lang kakain.

Pagpunta ko nga dining table, nagulat ata si Lem kasi pangdalawang tao yung pineprepare ko. It’s very obvious that he wasn’t expecting it.

“Lem, what would you like to drink?”

“Coffee”

“Okay, one coffee for you. I’ll be back.”

“No Jae, let me do it. I don’t like being treated as a guest and I can do it naman eh.”

Without hesitation and any further arguments, I agreed. Sabay kaming pumunta sa kitchen and I pointed him the coffee maker. Ang bango ng kape pero nahihilo ako. It’s normal, I don’t drink coffee kaya ganun yung feeling ko.

“Jae, ikaw anung iinumin mo?”

“Milk.”

Nagtaka na naman siguro siya pero he didn’t say anything. Nakita ko na lang, nagsalin siya ng fresh milk sa mug ko. May label kasi yung famiy mug namin. May naka-print na names so that’s probably why he was able to know where to pour my milk.

We sat on the table tapos kwentuhan ng kaunti. Then he asked,

“Why milk? Why not coffee?”

I knew he’d eventually ask. Aside from my family and close friends, wala nang ibang may alam na kahit na nasa late teens na ako, I still prefer milk.

“Well, I like milk. It’s healthier. Simula bata mahilig na ako sa gatas and caffeine gives me migraine kaya I don’t drink coffee.”

“Kaya pala kulay gatas ka na. Haha…”

I laughed and we talked more and more over our breakfast. I didn’t know Lem was a good conversationist. He’s easy to talk with. Nakalimutan na nga namin yung bathrobe incident and yung napalakas kong sigaw na narinig niya. I guess I wouldn’t have a strike 3 after all.

Mga 30 minutes na ata kami sa table and kahit tapos na kami kumain, nagkukuwentuhan pa rin kami. We didin’t notice that the doorbell was ringing already.

“Jae, pumasok na ako because the gate was open and nobody was answering the doorbell.”

Napatingin yung pumasok sa amin ni Lem.

Patay kang bata ka.

Strike 3 na ako.

Awoot. Ang pinakaaayawan kong Strike 3. It’s right in front of me… or should I say “us”, as in “Lem and me.” Ang strike 3 namin, si Nikki.

“Bestfriend Jae? Anong ibig sabihin nito? Date ba to?”

“Nikki, wala. Napaaga kasi yung punta ni Lem and we both haven’t eaten breakfast yet, kaya sabay na kami.”

I know she wasn’t satisfied with my answer but I’m glad prineno niya yung bibig niya. Nikki is kind and sweet but has the tendency to be nosy and tactless. Kaya nga hindi ko alam minsan kung magkukwento ba ako and magsasabi ba ako ng secrets ko sa kanya eh.

I asked Nikki to eat pero she refused and said kumain na siya. With that, niligpit ko na yung dishes and nakuntento siya sa  pakikinig ng Secondhand Serenade sa sala.

“Jae, I”ll help.”

“No Lem, it’s okay.”

“Nakikain na nga ako di pa ako tutulong.”

“Okay, sige na nga, if you insist.”

Lem and I washed the dishes and tinuloy namin yung naudlot na kwentuhan. I learned a lot about him and how he loved his family. He is an only child and his father works abroad. I find it touching din na close siya sa mama niya na housewife, but I don’t think to the extent na mama’s boy na siya.

Maya-maya, si Cloud na yung dumating. And I saw that she was quite amused to see Lem and me in the kitchen.

“Hey Jae! Hi Lem! Makiki-soundtrip lang ako kay Cloud ah. I’ll leave you two there.”

She said those words with a chuckle. Alam kong may ibang iniisip yung lokang yun pero hindi na ako nag-react, baka kasi may marinig pa si Lem. Mamaya kami magtutos ng bruha.

Wala pa atang 5 minutes, nag-aaway na si Cloud and Nikki sa sala.

“Ano ba Cloud! Secondhand Serenade nga eh!”

“Kanina ka pa Nikz. Sabi mo after ng ‘vulnerable’ ako na. Ngayon tapos na ayaw mo pa rin. Underoath na tayo!”

“Ang ingay naman!”

“Naman… This is my music Reinventing your exit… Behh!”

Pasaway talaga tong dalawa. Di papaawat eh. Pero na-concern agad si Lem.

“Jae, di kaya dapat awatin na natin sila?”

“Ahaha… no need. Ganyan talaga sila. Magkakasundo rin sila.”

After I said that, nagkasundo nga sila… Matchbook Romance ang pinakinggan.

And after I said that as well, dumating na ang last guest. Si Aljay. At guess what? Yes. Naabutan niya kami sa kitchen. This is one big “ooppss” moment. Natahimik lahat and I knew I needed to break the silence.

“Hi Aljay. You could stay sa sala with Nikki and Cloud. Matatapos na kami ni Lem dito maghugas.”

Medyo kabado ako pero eto na naman ang magic ko, I was able to show poise and composure with saying that. However, unexpectedly Aljay didn’t respond with the way I did.

“You trust Lem? Para sayo naghuhugas lang kayo at tinutulungan ka lang niya but do you know what he could do? If I were you, stay out of him.”

“Huh? What do you mean? He’s nice and we’re not doing anything.”

“He is not what he appears to be.”

You could say that to yourself! Yun yung gusto kong sabihin but I didn’t. I don’t want na dagdagan ang init ng ulo dito.

“I don’t know where we’re going with this conversation. But mind you, I do not accept insults in my house.”

I was losing my patience and along with that I might lose my composure too. Pati si Cloud at Nikki nagulat and I know that they knew very well, I will have an ultimate outburst.

“Hey, hey, cool it Aljay. Wala silang ginagawa. At kung meron man, tingin mo ba papabayaan lang namin ni Nikki si Lem?”

Buti sumingit na si Cloud, kung hindi baka binasura ko na yang possessive na ewan sa harap ko. Pero humirit pa talaga siya.

“I’m just trying to think of you’re safety, Jae. Baka kung anong gawin sayo ni Lem.”

That’s it! I am going to kill Aljay! Why won’t he just shut up?! But before I could say anything, nauna na si Lem.

“Pasensiya na Aljay. I didn’t know you’re going to act this way samantalang wala kaming ginagawa at wala akong gagawin. Tingin ko hindi naman kailangan ni Jaelyn mag-explain at maging defensive because she wasn’t, isn’t and will never be yours.”

Lem spoke those words. Those words that I can barely comprehend that time.

Pasensiya na Aljay. I didn’t know you’re going to act this way samantalang wala kaming ginagawa at wala akong gagawin. Tingin ko hindi naman kailangan ni Jaelyn mag-explain at maging defensive because she wasn’t, isn’t and will never be yours.

What does he mean by those words? Those words that stirred us all. Was it really Lem who talked?

Nalilito pa rin ako. After what happened, minabuti muna naming magpalamig ng ulo. I was so shocked, so dumbfounded na natulala na lang ako. Buti na lang to the rescue sina Nikki at Cloud. They said na hindi kami makakagawa at makakapagplano sa project ng ganito kaya pinauwi muna nila lahat.

Cloud offered to stay but I said I would rather be alone. Now, two hours had passed and I still couldn’t build up my thoughts. A few minutes later, I found myself crying for unknown reason. My tears were just falling like it has a mind of its own.

“Jae? Nagtetext kami ni Cloud kanina pa and you weren’t replying. Oh my gosh Jae! Why are you crying?”

Just like that, my friends were here again. I felt relieved that Nikki and Cloud were here. Umiyak lang ako nang umiyak.

After I cried, I fixed myself.

“Nikz, Cloud, thank you.”

“Wala yun. That’s what BFFs are for. Nag-alala lang kami ni Nikki kasi naman wala ka sa sarili mo after what happened.”

Tumango lang si Nikki then she didn’t say anything. It was unusual for Nikki to be quiet and not be goofy pero I didn’t asked bakit tahimik siya. Si Cloud lang yung nakikipag-usap sakin.

“Bakit ka ba umiiyak?”

“Well… Uhmm… k- k- kasi…”

“Oh Gosh, naluluha ka na naman Jae. Wag mo na lang sabihin kung di mo kaya.”

“No. I just… I just didn’t expect na magkakaganito. I didn’t expect Aljay would be jealous. I wanted to know more about Lem but I don’t want anything like this to happen.”

Whoah. Where did that come from? Basta nasabi ko na lang yun at maski ako nagulat sa nasabi ko.

“Nobody wanted this. You don’t need to blame yourself. Gusto mo lang naman makilala si Lem kasi?”

“I wanted to know him because… because… I like him. B-but I don’t want Aljay to get hurt. Hindi ko naman alam na magkakaganun siya kasi—“

Hindi pa ako nakakatapos magsalita, nagulat kami ni Cloud kasi biglang nag-walk out si Nikki.

Why? Why did Nikz have to walk out?

“Go ahead Jae. It’s best that you’re the one to talk with her.”

“Okay sige, Cloud. Iwan muna kita.”

Tumakbo ako at nakita ko sa playground ng subdivision namin si Nikki. Nakaupo siya sa swing at nakayuko.

“Nikz? What’s wrong?”

“You’re asking me what’s wrong? You could answer that by yourself!”

Shocks. What did I do to make her this angry? Never kong nakita si Nikki nang nagalit.

“No, I can’t. Ano ba talaga? Please tell me so that I can understand.”

“Gusto ka ni Aljay! Why do you have to be so blind? All these time, he liked you but all you did was go with Lem. How could you be so mean?!”

“I didn’t do it inetentiona—“

“Quit excusing yourself! Alam mo ba gano kasakit sakin na gusto ko siya pero pinaubaya ko siya sayo dahil kaibigan kita at gusto ninyo ang isa’t-isa?! Tapos umiiyak ka kay Cloud as if you’re the victim when you’re actually the one who caused all the commotion!”

“Nikki, ganun ba ka-sama ang tingin mo sakin?”

“Dati hindi, pero ngayon oo!”

I wanted to talk to her more pero umalis na siya. Pareho kaming umiiyak habang nagsasagutan. Ang sakit sakin nun. Ang sakit makitang masaktan ang mga taong nakapaligid sakin… lalo na ang bestfriend ko. Nakakainis pa kasi ang dahilan kaya sila nasasaktan ay… ako.

Kung alam ko lang na magkakagulo sa bahay, sana hindi na lang ako nag-schedule ng meeting ngayon. Kung alam ko lang na gusto ni Nikki si Aljay at darating ang araw na mas makakalamang si Lem para sakin, hindi ko na sana nagustuhan si Aljay noon. Kung alam ko lang ganito yung madudulot ng pagmamahal, makakasira lang ng pagkakaibigan, magkakaaway-away, magkakasakitan, sana hindi na lang ako nagkagusto sa isang tao.

Eto, umiiyak na naman ako. Naiinis ako sa nangyari. Naiinis ako kay Cloud dahil alam kong aware siya sa nararamdaman naming lahat pero pinapabayaan niya lang kaya humantong sa ganito, kay Nikki dahil hindi niya ako pinapakinggan, kay Aljay dahil nagselos siya, kay Lem kasi nagustuhan ko pa siya… pero pinakanaiinis ako sa sarili ko.

Sa pag-iyak ko, sumabay din ang pag-iyak ng langit. Umulan na. Lalo akong umiyak.Nilabas ko na lahat.

Masarap dahil nalalabas ko ang sama ng loob ko pero sa isip ko, sana…

Sana may kasama man lang ako na kaya saking iparamdam na hindi ako nag-iisa.

Bakit kailangan magkaganito? Komplikado. This is the first time I felt so alone, both literally and not. Buti na lang umuulan, walang taong nasa labas. Walang makakakita sakin, walang makakarinig, at walang makakapansin. ‘Yun ang akala ko.

Nakayuko ako habang umiiyak sa swing. Bigla na lang may nagpayong sakin. Hindi ko alam kung sino yun kasi ayoko ialis sa pagkakayuko yung ulo ko, pero strangely, I let that person stay with me. Hinayaan ko lang na payungan niya ako, at least I wouldn’t feel like an outcast.

After a while, umaambon na lang. I decided to thank the person who sheltered me from the rain, still without looking at the person.

“Salamat sa pagpayong pero okay na ako. Pwede ka nang umalis.”

“Sinong nagsabing gusto kitang iwanan?”

I looked up and and saw Lem. At that moment, without even thinking, I was so impulsive that I immediately hugged him. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero sa pagkakayakap ko sa kanya pakiramdam ko nawala lahat ng sakit.

Sabi ng puso ko maalis ni Lem lahat ng sakit pero alam ko, sa isip ko, temporary lang to. Once I let go, that feeling of security will be gone as well.

“Jae, sorry. Kung hindi ko pinatulan si Aljay hindi magkakaganito lahat.”

Magkayakap pa rin kami and I can feel his hands stroking my back while I’m crying. I don’t know why I kept in that position. I didn’t even feel awkward doing that and honestly… Lem is the guy I’ve hugged the longest.

“No, no. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Please don’t cry… kasi habang umiiyak ka, nahihirapan ako.”

I wasn’t sure if I heard right. Nahihirapan siya dahil umiiyak ako? Ewan. I ignored it but I make it a point na tumahan.

Nung tumigil na ako sa kakaiyak, bumitaw na ako kay Lem.

“Okay ka na ba? You want me to take you home?”

“No thanks, I want to go somewhere first. As long as its not at home.

“Where would you like to go? I’ll accompany you.”

The truth is I don’t have any idea where I would like to go. I would just want to be away for a while. Nahalata siguro ni Lem yun so siya na yung nag-initiate.

“I know a good place, let me take you there.”

Naglakad kami papunta sa place na yun. I don’t have any idea kung saan kami pupunta. Unti –unting umaraw, at sa paglalakad namin, I can’t help but notice that I held his hand.

Kailan ko pa hinawakan yung kamay niya? I can’t remember, but I was glad it was like this.

Maya-maya, tumigil na kami. I saw a hotel-restaurant.

“Lem, bakit dito?”

Curious. Curious.

“I know it’s a hotel but I won’t do anything to you. I promise.”

His smile, reassured me of everything. Just like his hug, his smile told me that I would be untouchable and secured when I’m with him.

When we entered, nakangiti lahat ng staff kay Lem. It seems like they’re familiar with him but I didn’t ask this. At least not yet.

We took the elevator and pumunta sa pinakataas na floor. Tapos we went to a room. I was hesitant at first pero pumasok ako after he assured me again that I’ll be safe.

Pagpasok ko sa room na yun, it was simply elegant. The room was a blend of earth colors. There were frames hanging there, mga paintings with nature theme. I was scanning the whole room when Lem called,

“Jae, dito!”

When I went there, it was a sliding door to a veranda… in that veranda, It’s as if I can see the world. I can feel the wind blowing my hair. Nakakagaan ng pakiramdam

I was so happy that I hugged him again, and I whispered,

“I truly appreciate this. You have no idea how happy you’ve made me.”

I meant every word I said. I appreciate that he brought me to that room and I’m happy he did it. Siguro para sa iba mababaw lang yung ginawa niya, but it’s the most amazing thing a guy has ever done for me.

Sa room na yun, we talked about what happened with Nikki, Cloud and Aljay.

From that topic, kung saan-saan napunta yung usapan namin. Just like how I felt when we talked during breakfast, it was so easy and fun.

Naputol yung usapan namin when someone called. I let him take it.

“Hello? Yes. Yes it’s me. Room 208 po. Around 5:30. Yes. Okay. Thank you. Bye.”

I noticed, room 208 was the room we were in. After a while, may pumasok na hotel staff, nagdala ng pagkain tapos a bouquet of tulips.

“Lem, you don’t have to do this. It’s so expensive.”

“It doesn’t matter, as long as it’s for you.”

I melted with those words and I couldn’t help but smile. He gave me the bouquet. I wondered, most girls would rather have roses, how did he know I prefer tulips? And duh, eto yung kind of tulips na na-feature sa T.V eh. Yung Holand Tulips ba yon? Ayun na yun, eh ang mahal kaya ng tulips of that kind!

We ate the food prepared for us. Buti na lang tinuruan ako ni Mama ng formal table manners, if not, tigok ako dito.

It was a fine day. I temporarily forgot about the incident that morning. Pauwi, hinatid ako ni Lem, in a car.

“Wait lang. You didn’t have a car a while ago. Sasakay tayo dito pauwi?”

“Yes. Hop in.”

Naloka ako dun. San galing yung kotse? Eto, nagtanong na talaga ako.

“Kaninong kotse to?”

“Amin.”

“Amin meaning?”

“Sa family namin.”

“Pano napunta sa hotel-restaurant kanina?”

Lem laughed. Ano namang nakakatawa sa tanong ko? Baliw talaga to.

Pagdating ng subdivision namin, pinatigil ni Lem yung driver.

“Manong, thank you. Maglalakad na kami from here. Wag mo sabihin kay Mama ha!”

“Sige, Sir Lem. Basta ikaw!”

Sir Lem? Naman? Ano kaya yun? May Sir pa eh. Ganon ba siya ka-tanda para i-Sir?

Naglakad kami ni Lem pauwi.

“Lem, thanks for the day. You made me feel better.”

“I should be saying the same thing to you, Jae.”

6:00 p.m kami nakauwi. Ang bilis naman. Tapos na ang araw. Ang daming nangyari.

When I went home, nag-shower lang ako and fixed myself, then I cooked the chicken with my sister’s given recipe. Afterwards, I prepared the table.

Around 6:40 p.m, wala pa rin si ate. Oh well…

I took the bouquet of tulips and took a picture of myself with the flowers using my cellphone. I sent it to Lem, with my message.

Recipient: “Raindrops”
-IMG_008.JPG-
-Tnx 4 ds day. i enjoyd ur company.. and tnx 4 d flowers as well. d ko alam pnu m nlaman but I actually love tulips. jae-

A few moments later, dumating na si Ate Faye. Nice. At exactly 7:00 p.m she was home, just like what she said.

She put down her things and kumain na kami. Kinuwento ko lahat ng nangyari pati yung paghatid sakin ni Lem sa hotel.

“Jae, anong surname ni Lem?”

“Bermillez.”

“Ewan ko ba sa’yo. Ang hina mo talaga. Kawawa ka naman.”

“Ate Faye talaga… Bakit naman?”

“Bermillez. Bermillez. Bermillez. Isipin mong mabuti. Doesn’t it ring the bells yet?”

“OMG!”

“Hay… at last.”

“Bermillez! Sina Lem yung may-ari ng Hotel-restaurant na yun?!”

I am so dumb. Ilang beses na nabalita yung Hotel-Restaurant nila. No wonder dire-diretso lang siya sa room at pinabayaan siya ng receptionist. No wonder he was able to afford those Holand tulips. No wonder nag-Sir sa kanya yung driver. No wonder he didn’t care if he would be spending a lot on me!

My eyes widened with amazement. Alam ko lang may bahay sila malapit samin pero never pa akong nakapunta dun. Hai…

“Ang yaman pala nila!”

That night before I sleep, I tried calling Nikki but she was already asleep, so I called Cloud.

Just like what I thought, alam niya nga lahat.

Alam niyang may gusto si Lem sa akin at expected niyang magugustuhan ko si Lem. Alam niyang may gusto si Nikki kay Aljay at may gusto naman si Ajay sa akin.

With that knowledge, nainis ako sa kanya dahil kung sinabi niya agad, then this wouldn’t be happening. Wala sanang love square.

“Jae, alam ko yung nararamdaman ninyo sa isa’t-isa but even with that in my mind, I don’t think I have the right to interfere with any of your relationships. I’m just a mutual friend to all of you. I help each of you to be close with the person you like but I will never ever control what you want to do with your life.”

I knew na may point si Cloud kaya sa huli, hindi ko rin siya masisi.

Sunod kong tinawagan si Aljay. Nag-sorry siya sakin, which I accepted. Nagulat ako na kahit siya na mataas ang pride, nagpakumbaba.

“Sorry. Nabigla ako kanina. Hindi ako dapat nagwala o nagalit. Nag-usap na kami ni Lem. Okay na kami.”

Pero sa telephone conversation namin, hindi yun ang natandaan ko. What I remembered are the last two sentences he told me before he said goodnight and hung up.

“Lem deserves you more than I do so give him a chance. Gusto ka niya and sincere siya sayo, at alam kong ganon ka rin sa kanya.”

Okay na ako kay Lem, Cloud at Aljay. Kay Nikki na lang. Si Nikki na best friend ko, ni hindi ko man lang matawagan. After two days, tsaka ako nagdecided na tawagan siya.

“At the count of three I will dial her number,” I whispered, “One… Two… Thr—“

*Riiing*

“Hello?”

“Hello Jae? I’m so sorry. I couldn’t stand being mad at you. Alam mo namang best friend kita eh. Hindi dapat kita sinisi sa lahat ng nangyari.”

Nikki was talking very fast, indicating that she was nervous, at the same time she was crying.

In the end, we both admitted our faults and nagkabati.

The next day, officially nanligaw si Lem.

Mabilis ba? Ewan ko rin, maski ako naloka sa bilis. Nalaman ko na hindi bahay nina Lem yung tinutuluyan niya sa village namin, sa Lola pala niya yun. Pinakilala nga niya ako eh. Siyempre flattered naman ako.

It’s been 3 weeks since that incident. Natapos naman namin yung project, with flying colors. Masaya because despite of the experience we had, maganda ang kinalabasan ng project.

The day we were supposed to pass the project, absent si Lem. Pagpasa pa naman namin ng project, papanoorin ng klase bawat documentary tapos wala siya. Sayang naman.

However, that wasn’t what struck me. What struck me is that 2 days na siyang absent and wala akong narerecive na message from him. With the two days he was absent, malakas ang naging bulung-bulungan na may aalis na student to study abroad.

At ang hula nila, si Lem. Baka daw to prepare sa pagmamanage ng Hotel-Restaurant nila kaya lilipat ng ibang bansa para mag-aral.

Although walang official record and proof na siya nga yung aalis, I was worried. Wala namang ibang pwedeng umalis ng school aside from him eh.

My friends assured me that it wasn’t Lem… at na kung siya man yun, magsasabi siya sakin.

I wanted to satisfy my curiosity so badly at nagmamadali akong umuwi kaya hindi ko namalayan nalaglag na pala sa kung saan yung cellphone ko. Super takbo na kasi ako pauwi para lang matawagan sila sa bahay. Kasi naman di ba hindi ko sinave sa CP ko yung telephone number nila. I just discovered na nalaglag sa kung sang lupalop yung CP ko later on nung nakauwi ako, Pero di ko pinansin, what I needed most is tumawag sa bahay nila.

“Si Sir Lem po? Naku, nasa France po eh.”

Those words, those words… had crushed my world.

I called up my friends at pumunta agad sina Nikki at Cloud samin. Iyak ako nang iyak.Ni hindi man lang nagpaalam si Lem, aalis pala siya. Natakot ba siya na hindi ako makapaghintay? Nawalan ba siya ng tiwala sakin? Hindi ko naiintindihan. At alam kong kahit anong assurance na ibigay sakin ng mga tao sa palibot, hindi ko maiintindihan.

Paulit-ulit din akong umiiyak pero I decided na hindi pwedeng lagi akong ganito kaya after a week, I fixed myself and pretended na okay na ako kahit hindi.

I tried to focus kasi ayokong umikot ang mundo ko sa lalaking minahal ko pero sa bandang huli, iniwan lang din pala ako. During that time, Aljay was there to comfort me. He tried his best so that hindi ko maramdaman masyado ang sakit. Yet deep inside, we both knew na hindi niya kayang palitan si Lem sa puso ko. Alam ko rin kung gano kasakit para sa kanya na nasasaktan ako.

After 3 weeks, nagkagulo yung school. May dumating daw something. Ewan at wala akong balak makigulo.

Ayun, afer some time, I saw him. Bumalik si Lem. He saw me but I avoided him. I gave every possible reason to reject his offers na lumabas at mag-usap. Ayokong makita at makausap siya. Masakit masyado yung ginawa niya tapos ngayon bigla na lang siyang bumalik. Did he expect that I would go crawling at his feet?

One night, ginabi na ako dahil sa meeting.

I saw a familiar figure. This time, he doesn’t seem to be waiting for me. I knew that he was waiting for me.

Gaya ng nangyari nung una niya akong hinatid sa bahay namin.

This time although I told him na kaya ko pauwi, he didn’t leave me alone. He held my hand and I knew he wouldn’t let me go.

“I said I can go home by myself! Leave me alone, okay? Anumang mangyari sakin is none of your business.”

He simply hugged me and explained.

Pakulo lang pala ng barkada niya yung usap-usapan na may aalis ng school to study abroad. He was actually just staying there for less than a month for business matters. He tried to contact me pero nawala nga yung cellphone ko kasi nalaglag somewhere out there. I don’t have YM or FS kaya wala ring kwenta ang internet.

“Jae, you know I love you so much and can never leave you. I wish you would always believe in me.”

I felt my cheeks burning and tears welled from my eyes.

“I love you too Lem. I love you so much.”

Slowly, he kissed me. His lips, so soft, pressed against my cheek. With his kiss, I felt how much he loves me, and I knew he felt how much I loved him too. That was our first kiss. Walang fireworks. Hindi lovapalooza. However the thought that he was with me, kahit na walang special setting, special pa rin para sakin ang first kiss namin.

Siyempre, after that, nagkabati kami.

Lem continued courting me and after almost a year, sinagot ko siya. Palagi akong busy sa school so we seldom have time for each other. Occasionally lumalabas kami for dates. Minsan kami lang, minsan group dates.

Now our high school days are over, we’re both heading off to college and we’re still getting stronger everyday.

With the days that had passed, one custom had never changed, the times wherein he would send me home. These nights are what we call our “night walks.”